You're Wrong, I'm Rafferty : Anyone interested in hiring me?

Andrew Rafferty

Rafferty shares his feelings towards the JCU career fair

I sent my agent to the Career Fair last week to get me a job. I don’t need to go down there with employers running all around Dolan throwing money at me. If they want to get to me, they can talk to my agent.

I don’t get out of bed for anything less than a one million dollar signing bonus.

I have a confession, I don’t really have an agent. I went to the Career Fair in person. I had high expectations, in fact, I had planned to have dropped out of school by now because I had found a career. The fact that I’m writing this shows that did not happen.

Instead, I found the “Career Fair,” like most other things on this campus, is mislabeled. It’s more like an “internship” fair, or the “I’m going to blow you off but in a polite manner” fair.

But really, for someone like me (a non-business major), it was better than I thought. My biggest disappointment was that The Plain Dealer didn’t hire me as a full-time columnist on the spot. Apparently the guy hasn’t read my work, for if he had, I’m sure the outcome would have been different.

Also, as a junior I was surprised to find I was too old for some internships. Take, for example, the Secret Service. Once I told the guy I was a junior he said thanks but no thanks, only sophomores need apply.

I don’t want an internship with the Secret Service, but their table looked pretty cool so I talked to them. To me, it sounded like I was told, “You’re too smart for an internship here.”
But really, I think it was racial profiling. White people have screwed up the country enough, they don’t need any more of us in Washington. If I had told him I was a sophomore, he would have responded, “Sorry, we’re looking for juniors.”

My favorite conversation went something like, “Hi, I’m Andrew Rafferty, I was wondering if you had any internship opportunities.”
The perspective employer replied, “You’ll find everything you need to know in this pamphlet.”

I say thank you, hand her my resume, and ask if she would like some writing clips. She said “nope” and I walked away knowing I had just wasted my time.
It was great that I threw out so many resumes, but afterwards I left a little confused. I can’t remember if I am supposed to call them or if they are going to call me. Maybe they want an e-mail, I don’t know.

Maybe they want something in Braille. My God, I don’t know Braille!

Should I send a Morse Code? Wait, I don’t know that either. Will they look down upon me for sending a letter because I’m wasting paper?

So, if there are any perspective employers out there looking to hire an intelligent, reliable and experienced young man, shoot me an e-mail or some kind of smoke signal.