Lo Castro's Lowdown: Titillating Summer Revenue Opportunities

Last week, I learned that whip cream makes money, and no, I’m not talking about the raunchy MTV Spring Break show that features guys and girls sporting their very own sweet and sticky bathing suits.

It was during Relay For Life that The Carroll News team members made a game-time decision to orchestrate a fund-raiser in which people could pay $1 to throw a  pie into the face of a Carroll News member of their choice. (Kudos to Rafferty for the surge in dollar donations).
Anywho, after washing the sour-smelling substance from my own hair, it occurred to me that making a monetary profit isn’t that hard to do– it’s merely a matter of what means you choose to do it by.

With summer quickly approaching and the need for fast cash spiking amongst JCU’s very own “Van Wilders,” it’s time to start thinking outside the employment box.
Forget minimum wage, rotting as a salesperson at J. Crew and back breaking work due to your employment at Shrubs ‘N Stuff Landscaping down the street from your house.
The only things you need to come up with a fun, innovative and unregrettable summer job is a little creativity, lack of inhibition and the ability to laugh at yourself in times of embarrassment.
First, I would like to suggest applying to every reality TV show currently on the air. This includes “Real World,” “Tila Tequila” and “Flava Flav.”
Granted, the shows don’t actually pay you a lot to make an ass of yourself, but being chosen will force you to go on a semester-long hiatus. This will prolong your responsibility of paying your cell phone bill and putting gas in your Cutless Supreme. Now, all you need is your parents’ camcorder and a listless amigo to be your cameraman.
If selling yourself to MTV isn’t all that appealing, you can always sell your body to the Ultimate Fighting Championship organization. UFC is always looking for young, agile people who seem to be ambivalent towards keeping their facial features fully intact.

If you can live through just one measly match, you can earn up to $100,000. You may have to use a cut of that for teeth replacement surgery or a nose job, but you’ll still make more than if you slaved nine to five at Starbucks whipping up lattes for the geriatric crowd.
Not thrilling enough? If you’re missing a few screws (which you probably will be after your go with UFC fighting) and have broken a limb from doing something that people could potentially view on YouTube, consider yourself the perfect candidate  for becoming an extreme sports guide.

Worried you won’t have enough experience? Surviving the food of Schott, leaping over the huge puddles on campus and walking on Cedar or Warrensville Roads after some Thursday night refreshments all qualify as near-death experiences that you have lived to tell about. How hard can instructing whitewater rafters, kayakers or cliff-diving really be? And I’m sure there’s some great health insurance involved.

Plus, even if the pay isn’t glorious, you’ll be able to pick up the opposite sex with your incredulous stories.