Seeholzer's State of mind: Beyond Batman

When I was little, I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up – Batman.  Without a doubt in my mind, I was Bruce Wayne.
As I got older I began to realize that I didn’t have a Batcave, the Batmobile, an elderly butler named Alfred or any of the other necessities to become the Caped Crusader.  While I entertained other potential ideas, I never made a new decision on what I wanted to be.  I’m still “undecided.”
Now that I’m in college, and only have a few years left before I have to enter the “real world,” I don’t know what I want to do for a living, but I’ve got a few ideas.

I’d love to be a professional nap taker.  When it comes to being able to fall asleep for two to five hours during the daytime, I don’t think there’s anyone more accomplished than myself.  I don’t know who would employ me to do this, but if someone out there is interested, don’t hesitate to shoot me an e-mail. I think I could be a good fit for a professional basketball team despite the fact that I was unable to lead my intramural team to a winning record this year.  

When going up against a great player such as LeBron James or Kobe Bryant, I could come into the game and do one of several things: injure them, instigate two technical fouls on them or start a fight resulting in a multiple-game suspension for both of us.
Dirty, unethical and against the rules?  Probably.  An effective way to win a basketball game?  You bet.

I think being a professional bodybuilder could suit me well.  My six foot, 145 pound frame has a lot of room available for bulking up.  Once I get a good supply of anabolic steroids in me I’m only a new haircut and a few Jäger Bombs away from being in the zone, chief.
Not all of my dreams are unfathomable, however.  I do have a few ambitions that are actually in the realm of possibility.
I think I could be a pretty good stand-up comedian. This would require writing a lengthy routine and being able to adapt to different audiences.  I feel like this would be easy for me because I’m quicker at picking up on what’s hitting and missing than page 21 of The Carroll News.
My biggest problem with this job would be maintaining originality.  I base a lot of my jokes and quips on pop culture and current events which get outdated fairly quickly.  Plus those topics already get recycled by the gamut of comedians on shows like “Best Week Ever” and “The Soup.”  I wonder if Joel McHale could use a co-anchor?

I would love to be a sports anchor.  I’ve often imagined sitting next to Stuart Scott, watching as he and his lazy eye comment on the latest highlights.  
I think my favorite part of the job would be making up catchphrases.  Stuart Scott has “boo ya,” Dan Patrick had “en fuego,” and Kenny Mayne had a few that I don’t know how to spell.  
So far, I’ve only been able to come up with “stroking the whammy bar” and “crank dat Soulja Boy.”  I’ll have to work on those.
Perhaps the job that I would be most passionate about is that of a music critic.
 I love getting new music and forming an opinion on it…then forcing my opinion on others. I like discussing music with people who share similar tastes and by doing reviews of songs, albums and concerts.

I would have the ability to influence others to think like me, thus giving me conversational partners –that’s what Elton John was talking about when he sang “Circle Of Life.”
Maybe I’ll just become an actor so I can fulfill my boyhood dream of becoming Batman.
 Hey, it worked for Val Kilmer and George Clooney.