THE CARROLL NEWS: Lo Castro's Lowdown: Fitness findings

Lo Castro's Lowdown: Fitness findings
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Jenna Lo Castro on 03 April, 2008 01:45:00
 
Where can you find the most bizarrely hilarious co-inhabited area on campus?
Mosey on down to the Corbo Cardio and Fitness Center at approximately 5 p.m. on
any given weekday and you will surely find the epicenter of colliding college
lifestyles.
And whatever you do, please don’t forget your circa 1987 sweat band,
suicide cut-off T-shirt and protein shake—Corbo can be a pretty
intimidating place and I wouldn’t want you getting hurt.
After entering the room, I’d like you to take notice of several things
that are just horribly wrong in the book of fitness etiquette—so wrong
that even Richard Simmons would be apprehensive to “get his lift
on.” To notice these things, you’ll have to tear yourself away from
looking at guys’ ‘roid rippling arms and “Project
Runway” episodes on the treadmill TVs.
First, you’ll notice the erroneous choice of apparel students wear into
the room.  Point-in-case: Guys’ work boots. I cannot tell you how many
pairs of Tims I’ve seen on sweaty studs. Now guys, I think it’s
great that you’re in there working out and feeling the burn, but what ever
happened to good ol’ Nikes? Last time I checked, there are no roofs to be
thatched or brick walls to be built so why don’t you try wearing some
sneakers the next time you’re in there?
And besides, do you really think you look sexy mirroring the selected footwear
of the Village People? Next, you’ll probably notice female clothing, or
lack thereof. Pieces of clothing I would consider OK to workout in: Shorts (not
to be confused with butt-crack shorts or hot pants) T-shirts, sweats and tank
tops. Things that you should consider leaving in your closet for your big night
out at Quinn’s: Hair ribbons, spandex, your Caboodle of makeup, spandex,
midriff sweatshirts and spandex. (There seems to be an influx of spandex in the
weight room—maybe the science department could conduct some type of
quantitative research study.)
Now at this point of your Corbo journey, I think it’s fitting to really
delve into the manners of those in the weight room: Kudos to the people who wipe
down their machine after using them. To the people who fail to do this, thanks
for the flu everyone had on campus last month.
I’d next like to give a shout out to the guys who grunt louder than Ron
Jeremy in a porno while lifting weights—thanks to your hedonistic moans
you’re able to attract the utmost attention of the 90 people in the area
who subsequently stop what their doing in order to watch you make love to your
dumbbells. And lastly, I’d like to address those whom I have coined,
“The Sitters.” These are the dudes who pause for 10 minutes in
between sets at their bench and do nothing but sit. That’s right. They
sit. And stare—either at themselves in the mirror, at the girls on the
treadmills or at other dudes.
They’re the reason why it takes you an hour to get through your 25-minute
circuit. Holla atcha boys!
While exiting, I think you should also take a minute or two to pause and
reflect on that fact that you’re so lucky enough to go to a University
that has a rockin’ workout center.
And in the event that you’re not too sure how to act or dress when you
get in there on your own time, just ask yourself one thing:
WWKAD? (What would Kurt Angle Do?)