The Bayer Necessities

The Bayer Necessities: It’s like S-O-L-O

Ah, love is in the air at Carroll. The shelves at CVS are stocked with red hearts, teddy bears and boxes of chocolates. And star-struck lovers from everywhere gaze passionately into each other’s eyes. So this week I’d like to take this opportunity to toast the single people of the world. Just like Beyoncé, I…

The Bayer Necessities: Reader discretion advised

What every “Cosmo” girl should know: “Bad girl sex,” “50 ways to seduce a man,” “Sex goddess secrets,” “What he thinks during sex,” “Dirty sexy sex,” “The seven best orgasm tricks in the world” and “The sex quiz.” Perhaps you’ve read some of these articles. They are all front-page stories in the prestigiously provocative Cosmopolitan…

The Bayer Necessities: Beard thoughts

As the cold winter winds blow across the lake and chap our frostbitten faces, I am comforted by one thing – my beard. At first I wasn’t really a big fan, but I must admit, it’s growing on me. (Get it?) Anyway, I have received a lot of feedback on this new addition to my…

Columns: A gingerbread dream

Last night, as I was nestled all snug in my bed, visions of sugarplums danced in my head.   My dreams just went wild as I continued to snooze, so I wrote them all down in this tabloid of news.   Less than three weeks ‘til Christmas, I realized with joy. This thought made me…

The Bayer Necessities: Tension is high in the Heights

Last weekend, the Rev. Robert Niehoff, S.J., presided over the 10 p.m. mass in St. Francis Chapel. The mass seemed normal enough … until the homily. Niehoff took this opportunity to openly chastise the JCU students who have embarrassed the University in the past several weeks. Although I’m not sure a homily was the best…

Columns: Looking for a reason to smile

In the world today, you don’t have to look too far if you want to become depressed about something. Like @FatChris216 says, a lot of the time we’re just “staring out this window and looking for a reason to smile.” We all deal with struggles in our daily lives, and sometimes these can seem overwhelming.…

Columns: Southpaws unite!

It’s no secret discrimination has been a prevalent issue at John Carroll. Until 1968, JCU was an all men’s school, and the idea of allowing women into the community was just unheard of. We have had recent problems, too. Two years ago, the LGBTQ community highlighted some major problems with our employment clauses. And recently,…

The Bayer Necessities: Sweetest Day

Ready to satisfy your sweet tooth? For me, the answer to that question is always a resounding “yes.” Vending machines are my friends, and confection is perfection. So this week, in honor of Sweetest Day on Saturday, I am dedicating my column to the Willy Wonkas of the world. And how better to do this…

Columns: It’s the end of the world as we know it

The European financial system is slipping quickly into the grips of debt and anxiety. Earthquakes that once struck only the west coast have shaken the eastern states; and hurricanes of torrential strength have climbed out of the Gulf coast region and onto our doorstep. Prophecies, ancient and modern, have been made about the apocalypse and…

Columns: Born to hand-jive, baby

Sometimes when the bass is bumping and the deejay is rocking, I just want to move my body. It’s like the lemurs in “Madagascar” say: “I like to move it, move it.” Unfortunately, I feel that the art of dancing has been lost to our generation’s pop culture. It’s very difficult (though not impossible) to…

Columns: One gyro, please

Rarely do I admit ignorance in my columns; but this week, I think the most honest choice is to just come out with it at the beginning of the column: I don’t understand Greek life. Last week, I saw a bunch of promotions for Greek life on campus and the atmosphere excited me. Naturally, I…

The Bayer Necessities: Hecho en El Salvado

Hola, Amigos! Has an old man with a machete searching for cows ever waved to you on the side of a mountain? Have you ever traversed the Pacific Coast in the bed of a pickup truck driven by a nun? These are staple parts of a fun vacation to Central America. In May, I did…

The Bayer Necessities: A professor’s guide to success

Last year, my first column was a freshman encyclopedia of sorts for the Class of 2014. Since many students found it to be a very helpful guide to success in their first year of college, I would now like to offer our professors some advice from the eyes of an experienced John Carroll University student/person…

The Bayer Necessities: Friends with benefits

The word friendship derives from two words – friend, meaning a person who decides that it is a fun idea to post incriminating pictures of you and them doing illicit activities while intoxicated on Facebook; and ship, meaning an old wooden boat. So logically, friendship is just a bunch of people hanging out on boats…

The Bayer Necessities: An end to death and taxes

Well, it’s that time of year again — tax time. Hopefully, you’ve already grumbled and sent your tax forms in. Otherwise, looks like you’re going to jail on tax evasion. Better luck next year. Or maybe you’re one of the people who loads your guns, cranks the Charlie Daniels Band and has TEA parties. Newsflash…

The Bayer Necessities: Make it hurt

Nothing is more comfortable and relaxing than lying in bed under the covers and watching some light television or sleeping. So a lot of people ask what my motivation is to get out of bed in the middle of winter at 6:30 a.m. when it is four degrees outside in order to run. The answer…

The Bayer Necessities: Naming rights – grin and Bayer it

If you follow the Bayer Necessities weekly, you’ll notice that the location of this column has once again shifted locations. It has held its spot in where “License to Gill” currently resides and has most recently moved from below the Op/Ed Top Ten on the opposite page. Hopefully, the transient location of my column has…

The Bayer Necessities: Puppy love

I have been described by many as both a hopeless romantic and a “goopy” individual (in the best possible way, I assume). So who is a better person to address the mysteries of love than me, right? I am sure this topic will come up in future columns as well, since it certainly can’t be…

The Bayer Necessities: When nature calls

This week as I was comfortably browsing the pages of The CN, my toilet decided to flush on me without warning. Not only did this make my hind-quarters wet, but I hadn’t even finished what I was there to do. That is why I would like to take this opportunity, much as Spunk and White…

Columns: Rachel Bayer

This weekend, my sister will be coming up to JCU to spend some time with me. Her name is Rachel, she’s five years younger than me, and she’s my best friend. So this week, I’m dedicating this column to my little sister. Because how cool is that? Rachel and I have a really special bond.…

The Bayer Necessities: Gentlemen of caliber, stand your ground

Gone are the days when a young man on a date would lay his coat down over a puddle for his lady friend. We no longer have the chivalrous knights of respect like Don Quixote. But, as Quixote accurately observed, following this code of chivalry has a degree of valor to it. And with Valentine’s…

The Bayer Necessities: Resolved

Every year, around this time, we make small goals for how we can improve our lives. This comes after the biggest annual season of giving, so we lightheartedly commit to these “resolutions.” Well, the first decade of the new millennium has just ended. If you haven’t realized that yet, now you do. The world is…

The Bayer Necessities: Just my luck!

It’s 12 degrees outside and you pass someone who is chasing their papers across the snow covered ground. It would be easy to simply pass by and let them chase it alone; but being the good Catholic that you are, you decide to help them collect their papers despite the frost-bitten temperatures. Whether or not…

The Bayer Necessities: Premature jollification

Well, it’s Nov. 18, so I’d like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a Happy Easter. It’s true, Easter is five months away. But every time I walk into a Target, it seems like the holidays just keep coming sooner and sooner. It has gotten to the point that decorations for the next holiday…

The Bayer Necessities: Compete!

There are two types of energy: potential and kinetic. Potential is the kind of energy that has the possibility of doing something great; kinetic is when that possibility becomes a reality. Last weekend, I had the opportunity to be one of 104,000 fans in Beaver Stadium who watched Coach Joe Paterno lead the Penn State…