The Bayer Necessities

The Bayer Necessities: Deus ex machina

And just like that, my writing days were over. Not so, my friends, not so. It’s true – this is my last official column as a staff writer for The award-winning Carroll News, and it is most certainly bittersweet. (Don’t worry; there’s one more after this in the senior special edition in a few weeks,…

The Bayer Necessities: Men, Part one

Do you know why it’s a good time to grow a beard? Not because it’s “Mustache March;” not because it’s cold out and we need to keep warm; for one simple reason: We are men, and we can. Let me tell you something – I love being a guy. It’s awesome. And as much as…

The Bayer Necessities: The (almost) penULTIMATE

The Penultimate or the Ultimate pen? Every week, I collect my thoughts, sit down at my computer and write a column that I feel is somehow relevant to the world (or at least our world). Sometimes, I hit the nail on the head, like when I praised the true masculinity of those who can wear…

The Bayer Necessities: Some papal musings

For the first time in over 600 years, the Holy Father has resigned. This has many theologians pondering the big questions – who will be next? Was it a good thing or a bad thing? What do we give Benedict as a going away present – a box of discounted post-Valentine’s Day chocolates or a…

The Bayer Necessities: Unpacking love

Love is perhaps the most universally explored theme of human existence. Every great king has spoken of it – Jesus (the King of Men), Elvis (the King of Rock ’n’ Roll) and even Larry (King Live). So what more can a humble  student say about it? Probably nothing, but I’ve never claimed to be humble,…

The Bayer Necessities: Red tape and bulldozers

“Bureaucracy is an obstacle to be handled with a cool head and a bulldozer when necessary.” I stumbled upon this quote five years ago, and have lived by it ever since. One of my greatest experiences at JCU has been serving my peers in leadership roles. But over these past four years,  I have discovered…

The Bayer Necessities: A formal concession

My fellow patriots, Now that Barack Obama has officially been sworn in for his second term as President of the United States of America, I must now face the harsh reality that I did not in fact win the presidential race. It’s true Đ I was never an official candidate; but there was always a…

The Bayer Necessities: The end of the Baya Calender

I’m not much one for apocalypse theories, but just in case the end of the world is coming in a few weeks, here are some final thoughts before we all perish in an entropic cataclysm that engulfs the planet. First on my list – How are those 2012 New Year’s resolutions coming along? Have you…

The Bayer Necessities: Seeking imperfection

Once upon a time, there was a handsome young prince. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and the prince met a beautiful young maiden. They fell in love at first glance, got married and lived ever after. But did they live happily? We always see the start to the fairy tale romance in…

The Bayer Necessities: The column about you

John Carroll, I am yours. Just as The Carroll News is “the student voice of JCU,” I would like to think that the Bayer Essentials is a voice of and for the students, too. I’ve written a lot of columns about what I believe are interesting topics. However, it has come to my attention that…

The Bayer Necessities: Don’t be a Hallo-weenie!

As a self-proclaimed werewolf, I can happily say that one of my favorite holidays is right around the corner – Halloween. While I’m not the vampire-fighting kind of werewolf that the girls go crazy for (Team Jacob, right?), I’m still pretty hairy, and I like to chase people through the woods. So naturally, I’m pretty…

The Bayer Necessities: Tempered will and iron grit

Every Sunday morning at 8:30, my friends and I pile into a Carroll van and travel to one of Cleveland’s many beautiful Metroparks for our “long run.” For me, I like to think of my long runs like I think of my laundry cycles – there’s the Light 12, Medium 14 or the Heavy Duty…

The Bayer Necessities: Get to know Jesus Christ

If Time Magazine existed in the year 0, this King among peasants would have been named “most influential man of the first century.” He inspired the No. 1 selling book in print; and He has a fashion sense that asks “No way? I think Yah-weh.” That’s right. I’m talking about Jesus. In my estimation, Jesus…

The Bayer Necessities: Brotherhood – Bayer Eta Pi style

Back by popular demand, this week I’d like to offer more thoughts on Greek life at JCU. You might be thinking, “Brian, haven’t you exhausted this subject already?” Well, last year I was completely blind to the ways of the Greeks. I didn’t know the difference between a Beta fraternity brother and a Betta fighting…

The Bayer Necessities: Mr. Speaker, the President of the U.S. of A.

I’m Cleveland-born and Pittsburgh-raised; one of my best friends is a neuroscience major, while the other one is a philosophy major; and did I mention – I’m hot then I’m cold; I’m in then I’m out; and I’m up then I’m down. Yes, my life is full of perfect dichotomies. But perhaps the biggest opposites…

The Bayer Necessities: My little pink headphones

Last May, shortly before boarding a plane for a nine-hour flight, I purchased a pair of headphones. I mean, who would want to make that kind of a trip without music? So I went to the bookstore and bought the last remaining pair of headphones on the rack. Sure, they’re pink; but as long as…

The Bayer Necessities: Teaching new dogs old tricks

Four years and seven days ago, a chipper, young lad walked timidly (but excitedly) to his first day of classes at John Carroll University. Although nervous, he decided to tackle the whole “college” thing with an open mind and see where that got him. It worked. If you haven’t guessed, that dapper chap was yours…

The Bayer Necessities: Onward, on, John Carroll

Ever since grade school, my district’s slogan was, “The best is yet to come.” During my time at North Allegheny, I loved this motto. I thought it was inspirational, a message that I could truly embrace – I could be the best that NA has to offer. However, when I graduated and they did not…

The Bayer Necessities: Runner’s high

It’s 3:30 in the afternoon. You’re heading back to your room in Hamlin after a long day of classes when you encounter the most emaciated street gang known to University Heights – the Blue Streak cross country team. They travel in a pack, like a bunch of anorexic wolves, shirtless and obviously lacking any clear…

The Bayer Necessities: Not another Greek column…

It’s that time of year again at JCU – the week that everyone looks forward to with puppy dog-like enthusiasm and spends weeks preparing for. That’s right, I’m talking about National Osteopathic Medicine Week. Of course, everyone on campus is very excited to recognize the 78,000 osteopathic physicians in the United States and celebrate an…

The Bayer Necessities: #Sadtweet

Congratulations, Generation X – our social media savvy has successfully taken our verbal communication skills to the next level: we are able to express our complete thoughts and feelings in under 140 characters. I believe this is a new low, even for our generation. And unfortunately, it would seem that Twitter has recently been taking…

The Bayer Necessities: Women, Pt. 1

As John Carroll’s foremost self-proclaimed sociologist, I would like to take this opportunity to discuss a theme that affects our entire population: women. This is a very broad issue (pun intended), but I am only trying to provide perspective as a 20-year-old male. You see, to us men, women are a beautiful but perplexing part…

The Bayer Necessities: Conspiracy

Last week, The Washington Post announced that Indiana lawmaker Bob Morris believes the Girl Scouts of America promote homosexuality and abortion and act as a tactical wing of Planned Parenthood. I should have known that these cookie-pedaling monsters were conspiring with Planned Parenthood when they released their newest cookie this year: Fudge End-it-nows. I always…

The Bayer Necessities: Looking down to look up

As I was sending out some emails recently, I noticed something that scared the bejesus out of me – almost all of the email addresses ended in ’14 or ’15. What was even scarier was that the email addresses with ’12 in them were graduating this year. When did I get so old? I certainly…

The Bayer Necessities: If I die young

As I was listening to the radio the other day, I heard the song “If I Die Young” by The Band Perry. Throughout the song, Kimberly Perry makes a very keen observation – life is fragile. You really never know when it’s going to be your time to exit stage left. Last week, I had…