The over-used advice about college tells us that these years are few and are going to be the best of  our lives. The moments we remember aren’t going to be the ones spent studying or in classrooms. The true learning happens in times spent interacting with the real world. While all of these are most likely true, there seems to be a theme among these that is antiestablishment and opposes the structure of college.

My views notoriously call for the overhauling of our societal system. But, over the past few weeks, as I’ve reflected on the departure of the class of 2012 and my own, quickly approaching collegiate mortality, I’ve come to realize the necessity of the unifying aspect of a university.

I’ve spent three years with the current graduating class, obviously longer than any other before it. The closest relationships have been built from the exuberance and hardships of distance running via the JCU cross country and track teams.

Last autumn, the cross country team was of a skill level not approached in years. With this ability came lofty goals, unachievable without the collective effort of every runner. As we prepared for the conference and regional championships, hearing the final, inspirational words of the team’s seniors moved many of us close to tears.

Toeing the line for a race, a runner typically tries to clear the mind of everything to remove the influence of any conceivable negativity and unharness raw potential effort: a very individual and introverted action. Yet, the atmosphere prefacing these events was of something greater than the self. This sense is analogous to the hundreds of miles through treacherous waters which salmon swim during spawning season. They do this together for the continuation of their species.

This feeling was refreshed  before the 10,000 meter run at the OAC Championships this weekend. Before approaching the line, two juniors and two seniors huddled together, and the eldest reminded the others that when the going gets tough, to have fun; that’s why we run.

About 800 meters into the 5,000 meter race the following day, I was instructed to take the lead to help my teammates run faster. Their abilities, being better than mine, I expended all the pep left if my legs as the three of us held the top three positions, until my legs were spent a mile later. Despite my poor-resulting finish, in the end I can’t remember having more fun on the track.

In the past I have written about the freedom of simplicity and nothingness. Rabbi and philosopher Abraham Joshua Heschel wrote, “Freedom presupposes the capacity for sacrifice. Man’s true fulfillment cannot be reached by the isolated individual, and his true good depends on communion with, and participation in, that which transcends him.” The realizations I have had from the culmination of my running seasons and my friends’ college careers have altered my perspective. The things we do are not glorious or fulfilling because of the actions themselves, but rather because of those with whom they are shared.

Many of the most rewarding experience we have are bad ideas. Drinking too much, acting like an idiot and eating terrible food the following morning are all bad ideas. By themselves, they ruin the body and the reputation. Most normal people probably wouldn’t do these things alone. When one is with a group of friends, though, and later recounts the experiences, the camaraderie transcends rationality.

Famous recluse, Christopher McCandless, who abandoned his family and possessions to experience his idea of ultimate freedom by living alone in nature, is shown writing, “Happiness is not real unless shared,” as he is close to death in a film about his experiences. One can do many things alone. Knowledge, art, literature, adventure and normally unfulfilling experiences are greatly enhanced when one is sharing them with others.

There is a lot about college that many of us are not happy about. Without those with whom to share the misery, complaints and, at times, tears, this discontentment would be intolerable. Something that mustn’t be forgotten is that college brought us all together, through better and worse. The roughness caused by assignments and loss of motivation can distract us from the collective of people and experiences of which we are a part.

Without the tribulations, we would not reap rewards of their binding properties. Revel in them and the recognition that they’ve brought to you the most intimate, consistent and continuous string of paradoxical rewards you might experience for quite some time.

You are part of something bigger. Not necessarily a collective goal, but, indubitably, a collaborative sense of transcendent being.

But as I sit here at my desk in the newsroom and type this column, that first day also seems like an eternity ago. A lot has happened since the beginning of the school year, and some of it was stuff I never imagined or expected.

The late author Leo Buscaglia once said, “Change is the end result of all true learning.” Buscaglia sounds like a pretty smart guy.

I can confidently say I am not the same person I was in September. Actually, I think a lot of us can say that. In this very column space, I’ve written, “College is supposed to be an enlightening experience. We should try new things, go to different places, formulate deep questions and make new connections. A lot of us have done that, while some are just scratching the surface of college life.”

Next year, I’m going to take a class that’s not in my major or minor because I want to broaden my horizons and try my hand at something different. This past November, I traveled with one of my classes to Washington, D.C., a place I had never been before. And, if you’ve been reading this column lately, you know I recently went on Manresa 21, where I spent a lot of time thinking and forming new relationships.

I’m looking forward to senior year because of the great potential it holds. There’s so much more to learn, so many more questions to ask, plenty of places left to go and people to see. As this year was, next year will also be one with a lot of change. While we will all be in familiar surroundings – seeing the same people and going to class in the same buildings with professors we’re relatively comfortable with – the evolution will inevitably happen.

Businessman Nido Qubein is quoted saying, “Change brings opportunity.”

The class of 2012 is going to experience major change in a little over a week. For some of them, no longer will their days be devoted to classes and homework, but to actual employment. Some will continue with schooling, but at the graduate level. Others will devote their time to a year or two of service.

They are all going out into the “real” world – full of challenges and opportunities to make a difference. Here is where they can live out that Jesuit mission we’ve all heard in our time here at JCU: St. Ignatius Loyola’s quote, “Go forth and set the world on fire,” rings true.

So, to those of you graduating this spring, I wish you all nothing but the very best. Many of you I’ve come to know through long deadline nights in the newsroom, Student Union meetings, weekends socializing and classes. Use all of your experiences and knowledge to leave the world better than you found it.

For the rest of us left here, you’re in luck – you get to read more “Cooney Meets World” next year! But besides that, we all have opportunities and challenges left to explore, and more change to experience. Our core – where we come from, remembering who helped get us to this point and our values – should not change. But, in many other ways, we shouldn’t leave JCU as the same person from when we started.

Here’s hoping we all have a safe and happy summer, and we come back “changed” – ready to tackle another school year.

It is designed to help maintain stability among the people. There are supposed to be no barriers according to the book. Everyone is eligible to be liable and no one, or case for that matter, can be overlooked. Of course, this may not always be the case for all of the world’s citizens. Just ask the African Americans in the South during the 1960s or Catholics of Northern Ireland. It was cases like these where the law chose to play favorites and treat these individuals with less respect. In University Heights, Ohio, while maybe not as extreme as my previous examples, there is a group that faces this same injustice: the attack on college kids.

Students experience interference with the University Heights Police Department 24/7. During the week, they zone in like vultures on the smallest of parking violations, slapping ridiculous fines on the struggling young scholars of John Carroll University. Their biggest prey is on the weekends. It is the time when we go for those lovely happy-go-lucky strolls on the streets in search of a little relief from our long weeks of unpaid work. Once again, they are there, stealthily waiting for the proper moment to strike. They are interested in the contents of your backpack, just assuming that these containers of learning material suddenly are cloaks for mischief. There is no need to discuss the legitimacy of UHPD’s accusations. What matters more is that they must realize what is important and stop singling out JCU students.

It is true, by Cuyahoga County standards, University Heights has a lower crime rate than other cities. But there is still other crime that must be given notice. For one example, I have noticed several adult drunk drivers out on the road on the weekend nights. The vast majority of these actions are given the blind eye, all because the police are in a big rush to catch the next house party. Another time, I remember a buddy of mine had his car broken into and was later mugged. Not only did the police fail to take action, but they also claimed that he was exaggerating the whole story. Of course, if a JCU student so much as stumbled on a sidewalk, they would rush to him and give him a Breathalyzer test.

The police may hold this notion that because it is a relatively safe suburban town, college parties are the biggest problem. Let it go! Who cares if the taxpayers yell at you for your minimal level of work? I have friends who go to a school almost identical to JCU in Connecticut, in a town that makes University Heights look like Detroit. However, the police there realize that they look pathetic spending their time harassing college students. Plus, it should be wise to remember, the more you tell kids to not do something, the more likely they will do it, far more recklessly as well. Leave us alone, and the trouble becomes far more contained.

All I can say is, I will be living in an off-campus house next year. Of course, there is the strong possibility that I will throw a few social gatherings every now and then. Likewise, my house-mates and I would be sure to keep our affairs contained inside our house. If this is successful, why would the cops opt to bring these activities to the neighborhood by raiding through and kicking everyone out?

All I am saying is, UHPD can start acting like real police and not overbearing parents to JCU students.

A few years ago, Sasaki Associates, Inc., the firm retained to do a space study on campus, recommended increased access to campus (which they thought looked uninviting) and streamlining of the driving route through the campus parking lots. Not long after this recommendation was received, campus access became even more restricted than it had been before. I do not know who made the policy decision to cut off access to campus through the Belvoir entrance for these specific restricted hours, but they cannot have considered the sustainability question.

Closing off the Belvoir entrance means that someone coming to the gym, chapel, bookstore or other area of the Recplex must drive just under two miles (1.93) to get to a parking spot near the Recplex, rather than the 50-100 yards they would have driven if the Belvoir entrance had been open. Is two miles such a big deal? Let’s assume that at least 100 people each weekday are rerouted to the Fairmount Circle entrance. That’s 1,000 miles each week, for 40 weeks of the year. Let’s also assume that the cars average 25 mpg. The reroute burns an extra 1,600 gallons of gas, with the attendant damaging fuel emissions, and costs the drivers $6,250 (not counting the wear-and-tear on the tires, etc.).

What does this reroute accomplish that is worth so much extra time, money and frustration on the part of those who come to our campus, and so much additional damage to the ozone layer?

Let’s not make our great-grandchildren have to live with the results of this decision. Don’t fence us out. Open the Belvoir entrance, all day, every day.

That being said, let me launch into a great display of my self-proclaimed nerdiness.

Being a reader of many books, I have read about some of the most fantastic wizards of all time. The list boils down to a main six.

So, my big question is: Who would be the ultimate victor in a “great wizards of literature” battle?

Each of our contenders has pros and cons. Each one has a different strength. All of them have a weakness. Most of them have really intense beards.

We begin with Gandalf the Grey. Hailing from Middle Earth, you most likely recognize him from the books “The Hobbit” or “The Fellowship of the Ring.” His pros include:  those gigantic eyebrows (though I’m not sure how much good they would do him in a fight), his smoke-ring-making ability, his defeat of the Balrog in the Mines of Moria and his utterance of the immortal line, “You shall not pass.” Also, he is never late; he always arrives precisely when he means to.

His cons include the fact that he probably has contracted the black lung and he couldn’t defeat Saruman. Also, he got totally wiped out after his defeat of the Balrog and returned to Middle Earth as Gandalf the White, who just so happens to be our second contender.

Gandalf the White’s most obvious pro is that he is Gandalf the Grey re-incarnate and more powerful. Another thing that he has going for him is that he defeated Saruman, who is no doubt a very powerful (but corrupt) wizard.

Gandalf the White is not only good at magic, but he is a physical powerhouse. He has mastered the art of wrecking everyone with his staff. He also employs Shadowfax (his horse) more so than Gandalf the Grey did.

Gandalf the White really only has one con: he has a lot of plans that need to be implemented through other people. Although, if we’re going to count that as one of his cons, then it has to be one of Dumbledore’s cons too.

And Dumbledore just so happens to be the next on our list. Perhaps the greatest wizard of his time, he comes from somewhere deep in the Scottish Highlands; but you probably know him best from Harry Potter. Dumbledore has several pros, including the aforementioned “the greatest wizard of his time.” He also defeated the wizard Grindelwald and is the only wizard that Voldemort fears. He is also pretty great at spells and the like, and he also has a pet phoenix.

Dumbledore, however, does have a bit going against him. He never really happens to be around when you need him, and then he always shows up just in the nick of time. He also may have killed his younger sister, which is never a positive thing. He does not have a particularly intimidating name, either.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, we find Voldemort, who does have a rather intimidating name (a combination of the French words ‘vole de mort’ meaning ‘stealer of death’). Voldemort is the most evil wizard on our list and his pros are that he is merciless, ruthless and ugly enough to scare you to death. He is also immortal until you destroy his horcruxes.

Yet, his horcruxes were destroyed by a 17-year-old who eventually defeated him, which is a major con. Also, he has no beard. He also rushes into the duel of his life before taking the time to learn the whole story and is thus defeated.

Merlin is the original wizard, which is a major benefit for him. He also must be good, since he is employed by a king. He also is a big help in Arthur’s rise to power, which spurred on years of British folklore in which it is said that he has the power to shape-shift (although that’s disputed). Cons? Well, he was eventually imprisoned in a tree (although in some legends it’s a cave, or a tower or a large rock). Bet you didn’t see that one coming.

The great and powerful Wizard of Oz is the final wizard. Coming to us from The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, he definitely has the intimidation factor going for him, but that seems to be about it. As we all know, he is really just a man behind a curtain who is really good with smoke and mirrors. Also the fact that he is a con is a huge con.

My mother is convinced that The Wizard of Oz would win because he makes you believe in yourself and “that is the most powerful magic of all.” I’m not so convinced. What do you think? Nerds everywhere, I would like your feedback. Who would win? Who would get offed first? Who would end up crying in a corner? I would honestly like to know.

However, when I graduated and they did not change the slogan, I was disappointed to say the least. If the best is still yet to come, doesn’t that imply that I was not the best? Hmph.

Well, over 15 classes and 10,000 people have graduated in the time that this has been the slogan, and I’m starting to believe the ‘best’ just simply isn’t coming. So where does that leave us?

With graduation looming right around the corner and all the seniors scrambling to get their lives together, I would like to offer a different message to everyone at JCU: The best is here right now.

For those of you graduating, good luck in the real world. It’s true – we’ve got this awesome little bubble in the UH, and nothing will pop it faster than your diploma. Fortunately, if you have taken advantage of all of the opportunities at JCU, then nobody could be more prepared to face reality than you.

For the rest of us, we have a duty to live the dream during the rest of our time in college. We can all be a part of a brighter future, but our job starts now.

Since I was born in the 1990s, I have a natural tendency to be nostalgic.

So, I found a picture of little Brian Bayer heading off to his first day of kindergarten back in 1997 (you can check it out on my Facebook profile pics if you so desire). I had a black pair of jean shorts, knee-high socks and a red T-shirt that said “Prowler” with a tiger on it.

Ever since then, I like to think I have attacked life with that prowler attitude. You gotta get after your dreams and make them happen. You gotta be that tiger (in knee-high socks if that’s your thing) who tries to tackle the problems of the world and work towards a better tomorrow.

That first day of kindergarten, my biggest challenge was making a Froot Loop necklace and building a castle out of cardboard blocks. By second grade, I had expanded my search for meaning to multiplication tables (still working on those actually). By ninth grade, I had developed my own denim-based jean jacket swag. By the time I was a senior, I was positive I had all the answers. After all, I was a prowler, that badass tiger I so proudly sported on my first-ever day of school just 13 years before.

And now that I am a junior, I have learned that nobody really has all the answers, but we do have something that very few people are blessed with: an atmosphere that allows us to freely search for them. And that’s really what college is all about.

As for what I have learned, I would say two major themes stand out above everything else: live and grow.

There is no value in “I haven’t.” Tremendous talent is worth nothing if it is left unrealized. But realizing it is only half the battle – growing into the person you want to be is the other half.

Every year, I make a list of goals I want to accomplish. I evaluate these throughout the year to see how I am doing. Sometimes I achieve them; sometimes I fall short. That’s part of being human. But this year, I only made one goal: To grow as a person.

Granted, this is a very open-ended goal, but it really says it all. If you can figure out what you are passionate about and pursue that with your whole heart and grow into the person that you want to be, then you are, by all accounts, a successful person.

The JCU fight song offers a great message for all of us:

“Onward, On John Carroll, For we’re here to see you win, Gold and Blue;

Onward, On John Carroll, Onto greater goals and vict’ries new;

Onward, On John Carroll, For our faith in you is boundless and true;

Dear Alma Mater, we’re all for you, And for the Gold and Blue.”

As proud Blue Streaks, we are each a part of this victory-bound population of winners. If you are graduating, now is your time to move “onto greater goals and vict’ries new.”

And if you have more time at JCU, treasure it, because I am positive that the best is already right here and now. It’s just a matter of proving to the world that it is our turn to take the reigns and prowl our way to an even better best.

Rawr.

Yes, you can look at paintings, and photographs and read all kinds of literature on the subject, but nothing is quite like the real thing. Whether it’s the majesty of Glacier, or the total isolation of a place like Isle Royale, national parks are the crown jewels of the United States. And that’s why this week we celebrate National Parks Week!

The national parks are our last great stretches of wilderness. They are the temples of mother nature herself. Though not wholly untouched by mankind, they are at least protected by him. Since its founding in 1916, the American National Park Service has helped preserve 84 million acres of land and 4,502,644 acres of oceans, lakes and reservoirs.

The National Park Service has helped in the preservation of some of the most beautiful places in the Unites States, and I have a firm belief that every American citizen should visit at least one national park before they die.

Teddy Roosevelt and John Muir didn’t work so hard to secure these massive amounts of land so that we have a last refuge to go to when we’ve exploited every other piece of land. The national parks are our national playgrounds!

Remember when you were in elementary school and you got SO excited to go out and play at recess? We should be just as excited to visit our national parks. Maybe a nice jaunt out in the woods isn’t your thing. I can respect that. But remember what John Muir said: “When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world.” Through nature, all things are connected. Yeah, even you.

And it’s no coincidence that National Parks Week is aligned with Earth Day. Well, it might be a coincidence, but I do not think it is. The national parks are a reminder of why we celebrate Earth Day in the first place. Here we have preserved these naturally beautiful, or geologically unique (I don’t know how beautiful people consider Death Valley), pieces of land so that our children have something to inherit other than high-rise apartments and mountains made of concrete.

Since its founding in 1916, Yellowstone National Park (the oldest, and perhaps the most famous of the parks) has changed very little. Yet, since 1916, the face of America has developed dramatically. Cities have been built. Highways now criss-cross the country, thanks to Eisenhower. You can fly from New York to Los Angeles in a matter of hours.

Yet, the national parks have changed relatively little in the past 96 years. Sure, Yellowstone is starting to bulge (it’s located over a massive super-volcano that puts pressure on the Earth’s crust) and The Grand Canyon continues to erode, but it all happens at a very slow pace. The national parks are our legacy. They are unchanged America.

How awesome is that? When you go to a national park you are seeing it as it was, essentially, 100 years ago. Yet, every time I go home to small town America something seems to have changed, and “small town” doesn’t seem so small anymore.

I haven’t been to Yellowstone for years, but I know that if I go back, the hot springs will still smell like rotten eggs, and the mountains will still strike me with their majesty as they rise above the Lamar Valley, and the lower fall of the Yellowstone River will still have that one single streak of green in what is otherwise a curtain of white.

The national parks are the heirloom of America. They are the beautiful thing that we have to pass on to our children. And they are especially important these days because, even if we prefer city living, and prefer to live with all of our modern conveniences, we still feel the tug of nature every once and a while and have to run off to the hills because, as Thoreau so aptly observed, “Life consists with wildness. The most alive is the wildest. Not yet subdued to man, its presence refreshes him.” Now, if you’ll excuse me, “The mountains are calling and I must go.”

Every year, the draft is the first step to the long road leading to NFL regular season for fans all around the country. And let’s face it, for Cleveland fans it’s that and the hope that finally this is the year they will turn their misfortunes around.

Well good thing I’m here to save the day, because for the rest of this column we’re going to pretend that I work in the Cleveland Browns’ front office. Now let’s take a look at the draft board starting with the highly anticipated first round.

I think it will be no surprise to anyone when Roger Goodell steps up the podium and says, “With the first pick of the 2012 NFL draft the Indianapolis Colts select, Andrew Luck, QB from Stanford.” Not only could Luck become a franchise QB but he could have given the Browns something they haven’t ever had … Luck. Anyway, I think it will be even less of a surprise when the Redskins follow suit taking Heisman Trophy winner Robert Griffin III, and hand the microphone over to the Vikings.

This is where the draft really starts for the Browns. Matt Kalil seems like a no brainer here as probably the best non-quarterback in the draft, but Morris Claiborne is looking promising in this spot as well for the Vikings. However, I could care less who the Vikings take because the one thing I do know is they aren’t drafting Trent Richardson.

That name should be music to a Browns fan’s ears. By drafting Richardson, the Browns organization can solidify their offense with an everyday running back that has potential to put up a lot of numbers. The offense was clearly the weakness of the Browns season in 2011, and Richardson gives you a solid back around which to build.

The Browns are fortunate to have a second first-round pick in the draft at 22, where I feel Kendall Wright, the WR out of Baylor, is a perfect choice, giving Colt McCoy another option to throw to on offense.

With 11 more picks to go in the draft after the first round, the Browns can really focus on increasing their depth and trying to build up the team for the future. In round two, with pick number 37, I’d take Brandon Weeden, QB, Oklahoma State. He’s a solid backup plan if Colt McCoy doesn’t show progress this year. Then I’d suggest staying on the offensive side of the ball at least one more time and pick up a lineman like Mitchell Schwartz, the OT from Cal, in round three with the 67th pick. From there, the Browns should start to look onto the defensive side of things, looking at possibly taking Ron Brooks, CB from LSU, and even Josh Kaddu, OLB out of Oregon, in the later rounds.

Now clearly I’m not really on the Browns’ staff and have no real say in the outcome of their draft decisions, but maybe Pat Shurmur and Mike Holmgren will pick up this issue of The Carroll News as they walk into the draft room today and take my advice.

Otherwise, no one really knows what to expect from the mysterious Browns on draft day 2012.

The commercial is titled “Back to the start” and features a Willy Nelson cover of the Coldplay song “The Scientist.” It shows a pleasant animated family farm raising pigs and cows. The farmer builds a fence, then barn which contain the animals. These buildings eventually transform into industrial buildings that pollute bodies of water and churn out overweight pigs pumped with chemicals. The farmer then tears down the barn to release free roaming cows, pigs and chickens and getting everything back to the happy, sustainable way it started.

I have heard stories from relatives of the way the farming and purchasing of food used to be. Food was bought from local farms and supported one’s local community. The tomatoes were always deep red and the chicken juicy and flavorful.

While I’ve expressed in the past my disapproval of the agricultural revolution, I realize that we must work to improve our current situation instead of dwelling on the ways of the past.

Sure, pasture-raising animals is more expensive, more difficult and produces less than industrial-sized farms. However, it is argued that when animals are not crammed in cages, fed grains, given antibiotics, having their genome manipulated and living in insufferable conditions they are happier and thus healthier. This movement  is spreading and persuading a lot of people to rethink the ethics of food. It is no longer solely about what you put in your body but the quality and care that goes into that food.

Even though people have put together the pieces of the puzzle concerning the happiness and health of animals, most continue to fail to draw the same correlation between happiness and the health of our own species.

Raising happier animals requires them to be raised in a more free environment, closely resembling a natural habitat. In the beginning of humanity we roamed freely on the plains, grazing scavenging and hunting.

Our industrial minds are impregnated with delusions of the glories of being productive. People sit in cubicles or at desks, hunched over computers, uncomfortable, stressed and overworked.

Everyone knows that student that everyone thinks is a slacker. His productivity is terrible and everyone believes he is mostly useless to society. I am that kid. From my experience, I know that we need to get out and roam the plains and mountains once in a while. If not, I’ll just be distracted by my desire to do so.

But, companies are beginning to discover that creating a work environment that encourages freedom of body and spirit cause their workers to be happier and thus more productive and creative.

Yvon Chouinard, founder and owner of Patagonia Inc., wanted his business to encourage employees to pursue their outdoor passions in the hope that they would be enthusiastic about coming to work. Under this principle, the company continues and has been named one of Outside Magazine’s 50 Best Places to Work. The other companies on the list similarly have alternative work environments with flexible hours, encouraging rewards and pursuit of passions. As a result, the companies are not only successful, but the employees volunteer and give back to the community and environment. Those companies realize that unhappy people are unhealthy people. Healthiness results in higher quality production.

Forcing perfection only pushes us further from it. Pressuring the earth to produce only plunders the soil of its richness. Badgering and constraining people only robs them of physical and emotional strength and therefore motivation and productivity.

To continue to progress we must cease to destroy. To move forward in the right direction requires getting back to the start of sustainability of the earth and its denizens.

I know this because I have been secretly doing undercover work since my freshman year to unveil these scantily clad cardio-freaks for what they really are. After three years of observation, I have come to only one concrete conclusion – they are not a functional part of society and should be removed for extensive laboratory study (myself included).

Despite running hundreds of miles every month, I have determined that as a whole, they are not a healthy group of people. Since health is a multidimensional concept, I would like to address this from the perspective of physical, mental and emotional health.

Physically, this team of athletic misfits comprises a unique place in the varsity sports community. Based on their failed attempts at childhood sports like basketball and little league baseball, they all seem to have an acute understanding of the fact that any degree of respectable hand-eye coordination is out of their realm, so they have settled on the one sport that literally only requires them to put one foot in front of the other.

Granted, they have the most efficient hearts, lungs and legs by far; but if any of them find themselves in a physical fight, they better hope they have the chance to run from their adversary, because there is no plausible way these underweight stick figures could stand up to someone. Trust me, when it comes to fight or flight, I flight as fast as a baby bird pushed from the nest for the first time.

Then we have the emotional aspect of this hyper-mileage crew. They seem to be completely incapable of branching outside of their own social network. They date each other, hook up with each other, study together, party together, go to the Inn Between together, etc. It’s like they’re bound together in their ritualistic veneration for the pseudo-sacred ideology of running.

Hm. A group bound together by veneration for the same sacred ideology? Interestingly enough, that happens to also be the dictionary.com definition of a cult. Just sayin …

And the final component of health, mental health, is arguably their worst performance area. Their idea of a good time is strictly illogical. Their entire sport is predicated on the physical test of who can die better than their opponent. What kind of sane person willingly lines up every week to die?

My middle school cross-country coach put it best when he said, “There are two types of people – sane people and runners.” Honestly, it’s like these large-calved crazies have some sick addiction to pain. That’s the kind of stuff for clinical studies.

Now, this wouldn’t be a complete column if I didn’t address another facet of their depraved lifestyle – their wardrobe. Over the years, I have become a part of this fashion disaster that runner’s so audaciously sport.

Each season seems to have its own unique drawer-full of goodies to adorn their lanky bodies. In the warmer months, they seem to think it is acceptable to wear shorts so short that no questions are left unanswered. As for a shirt? Ha! They are proud of the fact that most doctors would cringe at their gross lack of body fat.

In the chillier months, it’s not surprising to see a group of men jogging down the road in full length tights and a fuzzy tossel cap with a cotton pompom ball flopping around on top. I’m not sure when I started feeling comfortable wearing tights in public, but I’m pretty sure that ranks right up there with dudes wearing jeggings as a replacement for jeans – not okay.

Now I suppose I could talk about how weird these people are forever; but if you’ll excuse me, I have to go for my run now.

Our JCU club water polo team competed in its first-ever tournament this past weekend at CSU. Many of us had played water polo for our high school or other club teams, so this was a fun way to get back into the sport.

Water polo is played with six field players on each side and a goalie. Only the goalie can hold the big, yellow polo ball with two hands; or touch the side or bottom of the pool. Everyone else has to throw and catch with one hand, and tread water for the entire game. In our case, we played 7-minute quarters, so our legs got a nice workout.

The refs hand out various penalties and fouls based on the action in the pool, and it can get physical. On the Olympic level, sports columnist Pat Forde once wrote, “The officials can’t call what they can’t see, and what they can’t see is enough to make a Marine cringe … Once the ball is in play, these Olympians are as physical as boxers, wrestlers and martial artists. Except they’re doing it while treading water. Try mugging someone while working furiously to keep your head above the surface.”

Luckily, I only walked out of the pool this weekend with a scratch on my arm. But I’ve seen and experienced worse: elbows to the face, bloody cuts across the chest and “uninvited prostate checkups,” as Forde calls them. Ouch.

I forgot how much swimming was involved in the sport, and – after nearly four years out – I was not in the best swimming shape. But I still had fun, and scored a goal in our third game.

Our team started practicing right after Spring Break, and we looked like we could make some noise this weekend. But the tournament didn’t start out the way we planned when we lost to both Cleveland Water Polo Club and the University of Dayton on Saturday.

Out of four games, our only victory was in our third contest against Ohio Northern University on Sunday morning. The Polar Bears were no match for the Blue Streaks that day, as JCU posted a 14-8 win. What a sweet, sweet victory.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t finish the tournament in quite the fashion we wanted, as The University of Akron put us in an early hole that we couldn’t climb out of. Because we were a smaller team, we couldn’t substitute fresh players as much as they could.

Despite our 1-3 record, there were lots of positives. Essentially, since we beat the only Ohio Athletic Conference team in the tournament field (Ohio Northern), we are the conference’s water polo champions. OAC, we’re expecting our trophy in the mail soon.

I also look forward to practicing again. It feels good to be back treading water and throwing the ball around. Playing water polo for a couple of hours every week is a nice break from the usual study, sleep and newspaper cycle that takes up my time these days.

Given the choice that Sunday morning again between staying in my toasty bed and jumping in a cold pool to play water polo, I would still pick the latter.

Bring on the competition.

Okay, I’ve bled that joke dry (the puns just keep coming!), but what I’m trying to say, in a very silly way, is that I do not take my writing as seriously as Mr. Hemingway … that was an unintentional poem.

Moving on to more serious business …

All week in class we’re bogged down with work. We have to read textbooks and case studies and scholarly articles and some of the driest literature in the English language (and sometimes not in the English language). If you happen to pick up a newspaper, or watch the news, it seems as though it’s all doom and gloom. Basically, dear reader, you probably already have enough heavy reading to do and you don’t need me dragging you down.

When I told my mother that I would be writing a column for The Carroll News she gave me some advice, as mothers are wont to do. “Clara,” she told me, “make sure you aren’t too snarkastic.” “Snarkastic” is my mother’s clever combination of the words “snarky” and “sarcastic” and, even though you won’t find it in the Oxford English Dictionary, it is probably the best word available when it comes to describing my sense of humor.

So, in light of my mother’s advice, I’ve decided to carefully monitor myself and to keep the column as light hearted and “snarkasm” free as possible. I’m not going to promise that the column is going to be totally devoid of sarcasm, or even negativity, because some situations cannot be handled without sarcasm and, similarly, some have to be looked at with a healthy amount of negativity.

I figure that, in the words of Walt Whitman, this is my chance to “sound my barbaric ‘yap’ over the roofs of the world,” and I’m not going to screw it up. Well, I might screw it up a little bit, but even if I do screw it up I will screw it up in a totally un-snarkastic way.

I’m not sure if all of you understand how much of an exercise in character alteration this will be for me. I’m not saying that I’m always making insensitive, snarkastic comments, but they come more easily to me than other things do. Making such comments is my way of dealing with uncomfortable or awkward situations; and since my whole life is an awkward situation it stands to reason that most of my discourse is snarkastic.

Just like “driving through hyperspace isn’t like dusting crops,” writing a column isn’t like writing an essay for your ethics class. In some ways it’s easier, and in some ways it’s harder. I don’t have to be as formal in my column, which is nice, but it may also be my downfall. If I don’t have to be formal there is an even bigger chance that I will succumb to the green monster that is snarkasm.

There is also this fundamental human mechanism that seeks approval from some outside source. It is hard for someone to simply write something for the masses to see, because they are afraid that they are not going to get that approval (I realize I’m making some hasty generalizations here, but bear with me). When writing an essay for class, one doesn’t have to worry so much because only one person is going to be reading what they have written and that person is aware of what the paper will be about (more or less).

Writing a column about whatever strikes my fancy can be awkward because, whether I know it or not, I want that approval and I don’t know if I’m going to get it. And that awkwardness that comes about can lead to snarkasm, which, from here on out, is my nemesis.

And so we’re off! Yes, thanks to Mother’s advice, we’ve left snarkasm behind, but that doesn’t mean that there will ever be a lack of humor or wit. So it begins …

If happiness is what one desires, then the options are limitless. However, not every choice will bring you what you want. When most people are trying to figure out what to do with their lives, they consult an older, wiser, more respected person for advice. Depending on this person’s background they could tell you a variety of things. In my experience, those who most sincerely have my best interest in mind have told me to do something I love and am passionate about. With the world at our finger tips, and innumerable options, how does one begin to find the thing he or she is passionate about?

I’m not a true believer in destiny in the way that one’s path is pre-deteremined and unavoidable. However, I do find that things have a way of coming together for the better in the end. Though the accessibility of the vastness of the world is overwhelming, it is advantageous to our generation. The likelihood that we come across the thing we are passionate about is much greater without the confines that restricted past generations. It’s a matter of mathematics; things in the world are now separated by fewer degrees, therefore one thing of interest will be linked to another thing of interest and somewhere down the line our passion will lie. If the path of interest is followed, we will be led to our passion.

The marvelousness of a passion is far greater than an interest and determining the difference is quite difficult. In the bucket of options one will collect on a passion-seeking odyssey, undoubtedly there will be things interesting enough to actually practice rather than just learn about. For example, if one finds economics and finance interesting enough, perhaps they will try investing in the stock market. Or, if one is enraptured by penetrating power of literature, possibly he or she will try writing some poetry or short fiction. Still, knowing when the line between interest and passion is crossed can be uncertain.

If one is enthralled by the idea of becoming a doctor, lawyer, engineer, scientist or businessperson then it is likely the path of pursuing that passion will be filled with encouragement, especially from parents. These careers are practical and secure to subscribers of conventional thought. However, successfully completing all of the education and preparation required to become a professional in whatever field you choose is arduous.

For the more independently (Indie) minded people, like myself, conventional careers aren’t that appealing. For some, money might not even be that appealing. Our interests like art, writing, farming, adventure or extended bipedal travel seem like fairly insecure passions which may not even have jobs to accompany them. While this might appear to make life more difficult, it actually makes finding a passion easier.

In that difficulty that comes with working and preparing to get a job and the disapproval of our choices from people we are close to lies the indicator of passion. A passion is the thing that one is continually motivated to pursue, no matter how difficult the journey or how much denouncement is faced.

Finding a passion is an extensive process. It could take a lot of time and be filled with failure and disappointment. Succumbing to this difficulty is tempting and taking an easier, more conventional route. According to Larry Smith, professor of economics at the University of Waterloo, “Passion is the thing that will help you create the highest expression of your talent.” Passion can make or break your life. This isn’t something to give up on. It will require courage and fortitude. But, ultimately, all facets of our life will be more successful if we are happy and without regret.

If our passions are neglected, then who will we be to encourage our children to pursue theirs?

Full disclosure I am still very much this way—I painstakingly weigh every purchase I make, preplan how the new item will fit in with the old, and how many seasons of life I can get from my purchase. Aside from my time in the classroom at John Carroll, I must credit college for this great, shopping savvy life lesson. It made me a serial monogamist with the items in my closest. And it’s also taught me to take my classic pieces and make them work with what’s coming off the runway.

Thank goodness for this, because as the assistant editor at a women’s fashion and lifestyle magazine in Columbus, I see what’s coming in fashion. And I constantly have to hold myself back from impromptu shopping sprees.

With willpower in mind, I wanted to share a few of my favorite trends this season that can be done on a budget.

1. Color: It’s everywhere—and it’s bright, bright, bright. Add it into your wardrobe somewhere. A tangerine-colored necklace. Bright blue nail polish (my fav on-the-cheap add). But if you can only buy one colorful item, grab a great pair of colored jeans. Then mix and match that bright denim with other searing colors. Just be sure to cap it at three colors per outfit to avoid looking like a kaleidoscope.

2. Prints & Florals: I’m not talking basic stripes and polka dots. These are over-the-top, standout patterns in bright florals (yes, more color), bold prints (feel free to wear from head-to-toe) and wild patterns. They look great in a skirt, jacket or dress.

3. Boho Chic: Dust off those peasant shirts from last season; they are still hot as ever. To make last year’s purchase current, pair with a wide-leg pant. This is a great, casual spring look.

Overall, what I love about the hot looks this spring season (aside from the nod to retro style) is that the bold looks and colors will easily carry over into the summer season. Meaning, if you shop right, you’ll get plenty of wear out of each purchase.

Now, off trend, if there is one piece of advice I wish someone had told me (and then forced me to follow sooner), it’s to invest in a great pair of jeans. If you can splurge, do it here. It’s one of the first post-college, adult purchases I made and haven’t regretted the hefty price tag since. Guys, that goes for you, too. I am a firm believer that a great pair of jeans is the foundation any outfit is built upon.

Of course, everyone on campus is very excited to recognize the 78,000 osteopathic physicians in the United States and celebrate an industry that is 138 years old in this great country.

However, I feel that in all of the hype about bone-doctors this week, many students might completely miss another week that deserves some recognition: Greek Week.

I know what you’re thinking – Brian, why would you try to detract from osteopathic medicine awareness to highlight an organization that you aren’t even a part of?

Well, as some may recall, earlier this year I was in search of an older sister, and I turned to Greek life for the answer. Since that column was printed, I have made groundbreaking strides to expand my knowledge of the Greek culture at JCU, and I must admit, it’s growing on me.

I still don’t have an older sister, but after having attended the Kappa Delta formal, I feel that I am getting closer! (Though, it would have been nice if someone had told me not to wear a toga; that was totes awkward, but hey I’m still learning.) So I think it’s only fair that I give these proud student orgs a little (more) press time.

As an aspiring investigative journalist, I tried my best to do some research on what Greek Week is all about; but after bursting into the Murphy Room during a Beta Theta Pi lip sync practice, I quickly learned, as 30 glaring men in blue and pink scorned drop-jawed at my intrusion, that the secrets of the Greeks are under lock and key until they are ready to release them to their eager public.

So the following is an outsider’s perspective on the magic of this special week. For those of you who are as naïve as I once was about the ways of the Greek, let me give you a brief run down.

Although each Greek organization has stereotypes associated with them (bros, gold-diggers, etc.), Greek Week is a chance for them to put these passive aggressive hostilities aside and engage in full-on combat with each other.

I’m sure you have seen these battles taking place on the Quad and in the pool throughout the week. Personally, I find this fascinating.

It is my understanding that this year at JCU, these pseudo-Olympic competitions have a 90s Nickelodeon theme, aptly named Greekelodeon.

This is fantastic. I mean, how cool would it be if the real Olympics had a theme that reflected back to our childhood? Think about it – representing Jamaica, Usain Bolt rolls up to the line in his sporty Rocket Power jersey to face off against his international opponents wearing their Reptar-green and Spongebob-yellow jerseys. Naturally, in honor of Slime Time Live, the winners will get slimed rather than receiving their gold, silver and bronze. I might actually watch.

Alas, the real world has much to learn from the Pan-Hellenic and Interfraternity Councils.

The week then culminates in Lip Sync, the most famous competition of them all. I will never forget my first exposure to this strange ritual, during my freshman year. I was doing my homework in my room when my enthusiastic SigEp roommate came in, eyes aglow, and showed me his rendition of the Mean Girls Jingle Bell Rock, double-thigh slaps and all, that they would be performing at the show. Although his red glitter skirt and midriff cotton fringe tank top vest wasn’t the most flattering costume I have seen, this was my first impression of Lip Sync.

However, it’s much more than cross-dressing frat boys dancing to Christmas carols from Mean Girls… they have Transformers too.

So once each chapter has showcased their talent and creativity, the Greek gods convene on Olympus (I think) to determine which groups will be named best sorority and fraternity.

It is also my understanding that with this proud title, the winning organizations have the esteemed privilege to not only paint the stone lion head outside of Pacelli, but to import and paint an actual lion that protects the lion head from the other envious Greek organizations who did not win (Good luck painting it now, SigEp).

Lastly, all you Greek organizations should know that I will also be evaluating the different chapters this week and determining who is the peak of the Greek, so don’t let me catch you being Greek weak.

Oh, and don’t forget to recognize your local physicians of osteopathic medicine too.

I have been planning this voyage across this beautiful country of ours to Los Angeles for some time now, and in the process I have been trying to plan out a few of the details of a trip with such potential.

The drive to Los Angeles from John Carroll University takes somewhere between 34 and 38 hours of driving. I’ll be making that journey over the course of three-and-a-half days. That is a lot of time spent in a car driving. With that being said, there are notable necessities required for a trip like this, the first of them being a traveling companion.

My dearest friend Christina Das, who attends Northeastern University, is the exact person you would want to take a road trip with. The girl always knows how to have a good time even if you are stuck in a car, and she is absolutely known to be one of the most fun people that I have come across. Christina will be taking a Greyhound bus in from Rochester to Cleveland on Thursday night and staying here at JCU as I finish up my last two final exams the following morning. Then the trip will begin.

The next necessity of the trip will be good music (I emphasize the word “good” because a lot of music on the radio is not music, it is a DJ ruining what used to be done by guitars, bass and drums). I have purchased an ‘06 Chevy Cobalt, which will be our ride out west. Unfortunately, an auxiliary plug was not put in many ‘06 cars, so I have had an after-market radio installed so we can listen to my iPod. Lord only knows what music I would have been stuck with for 37 hours driving through New Mexico and Oklahoma, where you are surrounded by flat land for farther than the eye can see.

Not only a necessity of a road trip, but of life, is sleep and where it will happen is something you have to face. I am in no way, shape or form a person who can drive through the night. Luckily, Christina is an insomniac who will be able to keep me up as I drive (I will be driving the entire time due to the fact that Christina’s ability to drive a car is not one I trust with my own).

Luckily, I have a very good family friend who lives in Wichita, Kan., a little over 16 hours away from JCU, who I am hoping will allow Christina and me to crash on a couch for a few needed hours of sleep upon our arrival.

With almost the first half of the trip out of the way, the next planned stop is scheduled to be Las Vegas, Nev. on Sunday night.

Some of you may be saying, “There is nothing fun you can do in Vegas if you are underage.” This would be false. Just to be in Las Vegas and see the sights will be enough for me. Plus it’s a great place to stop and stretch the legs a bit.

Unless we find a cheap hotel that will allow two people under 20 to get a room, we will sleep in the car for the night.

The next day is a short three-hour hop, skip and a jump in to the great city of Los Angeles which I will call home until my departure in late August.

Wow, those Manresa kids must have had a really good time this weekend. A lot of people want me to go on this retreat – maybe I ought to go next time, I thought to myself.

Luckily, I got a spot for the next one, Manresa 21, which was held this past weekend in Villa Maria, Pa., and the experience was incredible.

I went to the retreat with a few friends, but I made a whole lot more after the weekend was over. Our Manresa 21 Facebook group has been blowing up with updates over the past few days because our group was so tight-knit. Many of us have pulled late-night study sessions together and one person even wanted to form a euchre game, a pastime during the evenings last weekend. If I didn’t have so much homework, I’d be happy to play cards.

Probably the best part of this post-Manresa period is seeing everyone I went on the retreat with all over campus. We had a group of over 50 people, so it’s been hard not to see at least one of them every day.  Everyone brings a smile to each other’s faces.

So what exactly was so special about this retreat? I don’t want to give a lot away because I want you to experience it for yourself, but there are some things I think I can share.

As you can tell by most of the Manresa T-shirts, the focus is all about love – remembering to love yourself and others. The retreat helps you take a deep breath from everything going on in your life and re-examine your priorities: your relationship with God, taking care of yourself and your friendships with other people. Through the talks from our leaders and the prayers we all shared, you come to realize that everyone has issues they are dealing with. And a little bit of love can go a long way. “Everybody, everybody wants to love. Everybody, everybody wants to be loved,” sings Ingrid Michaelson in “Everybody,” one of the songs we heard over the weekend (and that I now can’t stop humming).

So, by the time we came back Sunday afternoon, everyone was in really good spirits. Before 10 p.m. Mass, we all attended a reunion party to see some videos and pictures from our weekend together. After Mass, someone started clapping, we all joined in, formed a circle in the Atrium and now we got to dance, cheer and laugh.

I caught a glimpse of the people near our circle – their facial expressions said, “What happened to you guys this weekend?”

The events of Manresa 21 had a positive impact on all of us that went, as other Manresa retreats have done the same for those that took part. I encourage you, if you haven’t gone already, to try to make the next one in the fall.

I promise that you’ll be glad you did.

“The correct answer is: none of them,” he’ll tell the unsuspecting cousin of mine as he or she is taken aback by his stark correction.

Now, Uncle Frank doesn’t mean that there are no decent newspapers in America, or in the world for that matter.

What he’s trying to instill in us is that no newspaper reports the whole truth. No news outlet has all the answers or a perfect scope on a story.

I’ll explain with an example everyone can relate to: George Washington. He is adored perhaps as the one of the greatest leader in American history.

During the Revolutionary War, Washington led troops to victory at Trenton on Christmas day in a surprise attack against British mercenaries. It has been captured by the famous painting, “Washington Crossing the Delaware,” by Emanuel Leutze.

The painting portrays the patriots and their leader majestically crossing the ice-jammed river, on their way to win the battle that very well may have won them the war. It’s a very inspiring image.

But, if you check into other sources, you realize that Washington and his men killed foreigners who didn’t speak English, were fighting to support their families back home and were defenseless while visions of sugarplums danced in their heads.

I love George Washington for what he did that day, but  should Leutze have painted him and his compatriots the way he did? While many prisoners were taken, taking this into account takes away some majesty of the grand painting.

My point is that there are too many Leutzes out there now painting their own masterpieces on current events, but they do it to further their own policy agendas and those of the officials they support.

And it’s by no means just one party. Sure, one can say, “Blah blah Fox News is so biased blah blah,” or “The New York Times is so left-leaning,” and they’re absolutely right.

That jaded argument is beyond the point. The point is, as Uncle Frank says, “You’re favorite newspaper should be all of them.” If you’re a liberal, read The Wall Street Journal every once in a while and be open to different opinions.

If you’re conservative, turn on “The Rachel Maddow Show,” to switch from the usual dose of smugness you receive from Bill O’Reilly and get it from somewhere else for a change.

This will be difficult, maybe even impossible, but the news outlets and media are never going to change. They’re going to keep polarizing themselves to appeal to the stalwarts on both sides of the spectrum.

The only thing that can change to reverse this increasing polarization that will tear apart this country, that George Washington himself warned of in his farewell address, will be your willingness to come to the middle. It’s not as bad as you think.

Thanks Sean and The CN, and good luck

When “The Hunger Games” is made out to be a love story and nothing more, so much of the plot is taken away. Yes, the love triangle between Katniss, Peeta and Gale is part of the story, but only part of it. The main focus of the story is the games themselves – a blood-thirsty, fight- to-the-death, kill-or-be-killed sequence of events controlled by The Capitol. This film is action-packed, fast-moving and some may argue that it makes points about America’s media consumption.

“Twilight” is a love story. Feelings for the book and films aside that’s what it is. The focal point of all of the “Twilight” books/films is the ever-present relationship drama between Bella, Edward and Jacob. It makes sense that one would turn this film into romantic tale between three people, where viewers choose sides, because it in fact is.

I’m not saying that a guy can’t or shouldn’t see “Twilight,” but “Twilight’s” fan base is overwhelmingly female. That is because of the films focus on love and emotion. “Twilight” doesn’t have same amount of tension and thrill that “The Hunger Games” has. If people only recognize the two good-looking male leads in “The Hunger Games,” everyone will equate it to “Twilight.” In which case, there won’t be many male viewers in the audience.

“The Hunger Games” appeals to many different demographics. It’s the story of a young girl who volunteers herself into a set of games to save her sister. In these games, she and 24 other children will fight to the death until only one remains. This movie is not a chick flick. It has action and mild violence for the guys, and suspense and obviously some romance for the girls. When it’s made out to be a sappy love story, not only will most guys run at the sound of its name, people will think it’s just a carbon copy of every other love story. Recognizing “The Hunger Games” only for its romance robs it of it’s uniqueness and limits the audience members it can appeal to.

I encourage everyone to go see “The Hunger Games,” but don’t belittle a great story by only focusing on the romantic aspects. Don’t take away the uniqueness of the plot by turning it into “which boy do you like better.” Let’s face it, no guy will want to see a touchy feely film about a dramatic love triangle, and if they do, they won’t admit it. Go see “The Hunger Games” for the action, the suspense, and the drama, not to support “team Peeta” or “team Gale.”

I believe this is a new low, even for our generation. And unfortunately, it would seem that Twitter has recently been taking on the great responsibility of social guidance counselor.

I’m certainly no Mark Zuckerberg in my social media expertise, but I have been around the block once or twice on that crazy Internet, and I do have some thoughts. I wouldn’t consider myself an electronic dinosaur, but I do remember when Hotmail was the leader in email service providers, AskJeeves was the premier search engine and Xanga.com was the best social network.

Now that Twitter is on the scene, we are faced with a whole new world of possibilities in the wide web of social media. And there are definitely rules that I feel would make for a more enjoyable Twitter-verse.

First and foremost, don’t tweet depressing things. I don’t log on to Twitter in order to see the entry stages of your depressing nervous breakdown caused by loneliness. We all have problems, but broadcasting them to the world probably won’t solve anything.

JCU has a tremendous counseling center, so if you’re having serious enough problems, take a walk across Belvoir and see what the professionals can do for you. Because believe it or not, @GirlProbz won’t actually help you solve your girl problems.

On that note, don’t use generic terms, either, like, “I feel so lost,” or, “If only I knew the answer…” or, “Sometimes life is just like that I guess.” What do you accomplish? It just makes all of your followers feel bad for you, and they don’t even know why they are feeling bad. It could be anything from your goldfish Sparky dying to your ex-significant other cheating on you. How can I be there to support you if I don’t even understand what’s upsetting you?

This brings me to my next point: If you use the second person in a tweet, I will assume you are addressing me. For example, if you tweet, “Wishing you would just notice I’m here. #HopelessButHopeful,” I will assume you are referring to me and respond to you. I will probably reply with something like this: “Don’t be hopeless but hopeful, I do notice you’re there.”

And then of course, that leads to #ThatAwkwardMomentWhen I realized that tweet was actually directed at the person you hooked up with at Barroom last week and not me. How was I supposed to know?

Likewise, I don’t really want to hear about how great your boyfriend or girlfriend is. If you truly believe that they are the best thing since sliced bread, then tell them how great they are. The rest of the world probably doesn’t care that much. Naturally, if you have a major announcement, like you’re newly engaged or your bf/gf just got you a brand new Porsche, go ahead and tweet it. But otherwise, keep it to yourself.

The same is true for the frustrating parts of your relationship. If you’re having a fight with that special someone, don’t let the whole Twitter-verse know. As @SassyGayFriend will tell you, that kind of tweet translates to, “Desperate, desperate, I am really desperate.”

So what should Twitter be used for? The journalist in me would love to believe that it should be used as a tool for spreading the truth to the younger generations. Soon enough, The New York Times will switch completely to Twitter and offer “all the news that’s fit to tweet.” But I understand that spreading information is not its only utility.

And if you aren’t planning to use Twitter as a gatekeeper of the news, then use it as a tool to spread happiness and laughter. Don’t be one of those people whose followers always feel bad for; don’t pour out your soul to a little blue bird; in fact, when you’re feeling that #SadTweet moment, I challenge you to put the phone down and go to your friends instead. And once you are all smiles again, go ahead and tweet something that will trend an ever-contagious laughter.

If you agree with me, join my crusade and follow me @BayerEssentials. I’ll even follow you back and retweet you if you hashtag my name (#BrianBayer) and help make me the next worldwide trend.

Species interaction is at the foundation of life. Actions generally either have good intentions or bad. Identifying the intention is half the battle. The other half is deciding what to do about it.

A difficulty the judicial system faces is its inability to objectify every action since all occurrences are subject to their context. Unfortunately, things we observe are too often interpreted as if existing in the same context that we do.

In order for those of us who are carnivores to eat, animals must die. The slaughter of cattle, chickens, pigs, etc. is repulsive to some people. Videos made by PETA have converted many a meat eater to vegetarianism by showing the brutality of the meat industry. Images of human vs. animal brutality are censored from (even fictional) films. This is wrongful death.

On Animal Planet, majestic and powerful lions and cheetahs are shown tackling the gracefully athletic gazelle and crushing its trachea with their powerful jaws until death. Five-year-olds watch these shows and they are educational. However, some turn their heads and shriek when they encounter a visualization of death or killing. “That’s so sad,” they exclaim. They see the gazelle as a victim and the large cat as a vicious murderer. But the lion is not malevolent. The cheetah has no vendetta against the gazelle. This killing is just life; an action required for the continuation of species.

What makes the killing for food seem so bad is the miscontextualization of the action. The offended view these deaths from a “civilized” human perspective. Murder is so prevalent that a rancorous impression of all death is ingrained in our minds. This imposition of falsely constructed intentions, emotions and norms to situations such as this cause a slew of false information to be created and spread.

It seems more understandable to misinterpret animal intentionality since we are so divorced from our own animal nature. The kicker is, we misconstrue behaviors of our own species far more often.

Perhaps our intimate immersion in the ways of our species serves to complicate the factors that must be considered when deciphering the maneuvers of our fellow homo sapiens. The introduction of social media only exacerbates this problem. Body language and vocal inflection are eliminated in Internet interactions. There are so many indicators and qualifiers that contribute to determining meaning that if some are neglected, significant interpretive accuracy is compromised.

It is sometimes easy to offer advice on a subject we are separated from. We can see the situation objectively and without emotion. We don’t read too much into things that those involved do. However, the all-encompassing perspective of one involved would lead to a better action in the end, if only emotional distress could be eliminated.

If the number of contexts is infinite, the possible interpretations are of equal number. The unreliability of our intuition is so vast that we might never be sure about anything. What are we left to do if we are so likely to be wrong?

The most secure course of action is defined not by procedure but by technique: do not be hasty to reach a conclusion. There will be more comfort and confidence felt in an ignorant, well-thought-out decision than an informed, quick one. Even though you might be wrong, you worked with the equipment you had and used it to it’s maximum potential. Being wrong isn’t so bad if you did what was right.

I was immediately struck by the dulcetly witty pun on the word “broad.” After using a clean, white handkerchief (ladies always carry one) to wipe the tears of laughter from my eyes, I thought about how carefully selected it was. A pun on any other word, the kind with a problematic etymology rooted in patriarchal oppression, simply wouldn’t do.

Bayer’s ability to penetrate the female psyche was nothing less than extraordinary. As I read his account of Carol’s feeble feminine reasoning, I couldn’t help but feel exposed. How could Bayer have known that each and every time I’m asked to lunch I picture myself blushing and veiled?

John’s [the hypothetical male character created by Bayer] understanding and even way of handling Carol’s fickle emotions was both generous and chivalrous. A true everyman, he met the fragility of woman with logic and confidence. Bayer was right to point out that, “It would have been much easier for both John and Carol if Carol had just been straightforward from the start.” Isn’t that always the way with us women, complicating everything? Man is pure, faultless, and a “good friend,” to borrow from Bayer. “Women Pt. 1” taught me to always be suspicious of myself and my intuition. I’ve learned to wait out my constant emotional storms and to encourage other women to do the same.

Throughout the writing of this letter, a comparison has been surfacing again and again. To this point I have stifled it for fear I’d seem too adoring, but I can suppress my feelings no longer. Bayer is the Moses to our vast desert of femininity. Until “Women Pt. 1” we women were allowing ourselves to be led deeper and deeper into the wilderness of miscommunication by the serpent-like trickery of our own sex. Bayer ended all of that. He destroyed the golden calf of all women: the unquenchable thirst for matrimony. And, staff in one hand, recitations from God himself in the other, he led us out of the vicious lips of the Red Sea and into the Promised Land.

Indeed, the Schott Dining Hall will be a land of milk and honey now that heterosocial dining can proceed without my sisters and I assuming that lunch equals marriage. What an incredible relief for us all.

It was Oct. 5, 1997, and I was just over a month into my freshman year at John Carroll. The Cleveland Indians were hosting the Yankees in game four of the American League Championship Series. Trailing the series, 2-1, the Tribe was down a run in the eighth inning with the game’s greatest closer, Mariano Rivera, on the mound.

But that’s when Sandy Alomar, Jr., gave birth to his postseason legacy. The Tribe catcher homered to tie the game at 2-2. I can still hear Joe Buck’s call, “Into right field… well hit… track… wall… TIED!!” The Indians rode that momentum to the game-winning run in the ninth and the following night, used a three-run-third to defeat the Yankees, 4-3. The Indians would then advance to the World Series for the second time in three years after disposing of the Orioles four games to two.

It was a big deal for a Cleveland team to be playing for a championship. After all, there had not (and still hasn’t) been a title in Cleveland since the 1964 Browns defeated the Baltimore Colts in the NFL Championship.

But I digress.

As was the norm throughout the Indians run in 1997, I gathered in Murphy Hall with a group of friends to watch every playoff game. We thought this was going to be the year a championship and parade down Euclid Avenue was finally going to happen. Just two years earlier, the Tribe lost the World Series to the Atlanta Braves. But 1997 felt different.

The roster was loaded with perennial all-stars and role players who had accomplished careers. A few are Hall of Fame candidates, including Alomar, Jr., Jim Thome, Omar Vizquel and Manny Ramirez. And we can’t forget the numerous unlikely stars like rookie pitcher Jaret Wright, Chad Ogea and Tony Fernandez.

Alas, Cleveland had to “wait until next year” once again as the Tribe lost game seven at Florida in 11 gut-wrenching innings. I can still remember how devastated I felt watching Edgar Renteria’s line drive sail over the out-stretched glove of Charles Nagy to score the winning run.

Painful as it was, the run in 1997 allowed me to quickly meet friends at John Carroll. The atmosphere around the playoff games was amazing for the city, and for the students at Carroll. You could hear people cheering from the next residence hall over with every big hit or out. And following a big win, students would spill out of their rooms for high five’s up and down the floor.

College is about the friendships that you form and the moments that help form you. It’s been almost 15 years since that magical run by the Indians and I often find myself looking back thinking how lucky I was to experience one of the most exciting months of my collegiate life thanks to the Cleveland Indians.

“Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, Old time is still a-flying: And this same flower that smiles to-day, To-morrow will be dying.”

For all of us, college is supposed to be an enlightening experience. We should try new things, go to different places, formulate deep questions and make new connections. A lot of us have done that, while some are just scratching the surface of college life.

Recently, the trending topic on Twitter and in regular conversation has been YOLO – you only live once. The simple philosophy: since we only have one life to live, we might as well make the most of it that we can. Have fun, be adventurous and don’t be afraid to screw up.

Associated with this is the thinking that you never remember the nights you got plenty of sleep. While sleep is a rare commodity that I value these days, I only have a little more than a year left of college. So it’s time to take advantage of its academic and social opportunities while I’m here.

But that doesn’t mean adhering to the philosophy of YOLO means I can do whatever I want just because life is short. As one of my Facebook friends recently asked, “Why do people think YOLO is an excuse to do stupid things?”

Great question. In my mind, it isn’t an excuse.

For instance, someone might tweet, “Texting while driving #YOLO.” This is what I like to call a bad decision – not only do you endanger your life, but the lives of other drivers as well. Plus, it’s illegal in some states (like in neighboring Pennsylvania).

Another YOLO moment might be wearing a LeBron jersey while walking into a Cavs game at Quicken Loans Arena. An equally brilliant move is wearing an “I love Art Modell” T-shirt at a Browns game (#YOLO). I wish you the best.

The way I look at YOLO is that it’s important I take advantage of the opportunities I’ve been afforded so far. Now is also the time for me to not only keep doing what I love, but also to try new things.

The Latin equivalent of “Gather ye rosebuds while ye may” is the phrase “carpe diem” (“seize the day”), Keating tells his students. He invites them to step forward to a trophy case filled with photos to “hear” the message from past students.

“They’re not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they’re destined for great things, just like many of you. Their eyes are full of hope, just like you,” Keating says. “Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you … carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.”

“Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,” YOLO, carpe diem … however you choose to follow this philosophy, make sure you take advantage of all that John Carroll University has to offer.

Because while that flower of opportunity may be smiling today, tomorrow it may be drooping.