Unless you are trying to defend a murder case in court and you are referencing your knowledge of the rules of a good perm, then I don’t see what the appeal of Cosmo is. And since most girls aren’t Elle Woods, it just seems like a dirty magazine to me.

Playboy, Hustler and magazines of the like are often criticized for such obtuse objectification of women. They are kept behind the counter and you must be 18 to purchase them. After all, it would be just awful to expose minors to such risqué content!

But maybe pictures aren’t the only content that can have this effect. Words are powerful. As the saying goes, “The pen is mightier…” And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the word “penis” is hidden in that common phrase.

I know – sex sells. I am not saying that Cosmo shouldn’t do what it does. Its very good at it, and it knows how to sell its product. But as Cosmo readers, you have a duty to yourselves to be wary of what you believe.

I happened across a recent issue and flipped through the pages. As they say, it’s good to know what the enemy is thinking; so naturally I had to find out what you girls are reading.

What I saw was simply astonishing. And kind of gross, if I do say so myself.

One article advised that you will turn your man on if you tell him, “your abs are so lickable.”

Never ever, ever, ever, ever say this. Ever.

If you have to say this to turn your guy on, please, find another guy.

And this isn’t the only reproachable advice that Cosmo provides. So many of Cosmo’s pages are filled with fallacy. So I caution you ladies to be very careful when discerning what to believe in these tempting tabloids.

Now, some Cosmo girls have told me that they subscribe to the magazine mainly for its fashion sections. Well, as I browsed the pages, I came across one title of particular interest: “Shoe Addict –Points for sex appeal.”

Hold on a second. If you’re going for sex appeal, don’t attach a skinny 6 inch spike to the bottom of your heels. That’s not sexy, that’s terrifying. Plus, it just seems impractical. How do you walk in heels like that?

Trust me, a decent guy will find qualities other than how high your heels are or how short your dress is to be the attractive ones. So don’t break your ankles skankifying yourselves for the myth of sex appeal. If you look remotely like a woman, chances are very good that you’re already turning us men on.

Now don’t get me wrong – I did find one page with good advice on it, so I guess the magazine isn’t all gutter-minded malarkey.

This one article, tucked at the bottom of an obscure page in small print, offers nonsexual moves that can “bring you two closer.” Such moves include snuggling under a cozy blanket or going out for a delicious dinner.

As a guy, that sounds like a very lovely evening. No heels necessary, and the dirty talk can sexify somebody else’s bedroom.

So ladies, if you’re looking for actual advice on sex, love and dating, I wouldn’t refer to Cosmo. Instead, try looking inside your own heart – you’ll know if your man is worth it (whether emotionally or sexually).

And your heart doesn’t cost you $3.99 a month.

Beginning this semester, the Office of Residence Life and the Office of the Dean of Students revised the hearing board process for students who are written up in residence halls.

In previous semesters, all students in violation of residence hall policies, such as underage alcohol consumption, were sent directly to the Student Union Hearing Board.

While the hearing board will still be responsible for some part of the ruling on students who have violated the policies, area coordinators will now also be incorporated into the hearing process.

“Residence Life requested that we assign hearings to area coordinators if the student who allegedly violated a policy lives in their building,” said Dean of Students Sherri Crahen. “They want to give area coordinators more of an opportunity to get to know their residents, to meet with them, to talk with them about any possible policy infractions, and to talk with the residents about the impact that their behavior has on the community.”

Assistant Director of Residence Life John Mack said that the ultimate goal is to build community within the residence communities.

“It might just be the first time that you and that area coordinator have sat down and talked. It’s also [about] getting to know that person too,” he said.

He also explained that when you know the people with whom you live, it is harder to cause trouble, vandalize the halls or disturb the other residents.

“When you have conduct situations that take place in your residence hall, doesn’t it kind of make sense for you to meet with those students and to talk with them and to get to know them? The whole goal in conduct is to try to not have the behavior repeat itself,” said Crahen.

However, this change in the distribution of cases has caused concern from the Student Union Hearing Board.

SU Vice President for Communications Lizzie Trathen said, “Student Union was not originally included in the planning and implementation of the revisions to the judicial process for students. We share the Office of Residence Life’s goal of building relationships between the area coordinators and their residents; though we have hesitations about the implementations that these changes may have on these relationships.”

Since this does affect the jurisdiction of the hearing board, Crahen explained the perspective of her office and Residence Life.

“We are not saying we are eliminating the Student Union Hearing Board,” said Crahen. “What we are saying is we’re trying to look at this from the perspective of being an area coordinator.”

Mack emphasized the importance of building the relationship between the area coordinators and the residents.

“It’s a different way of connecting with them [the residents],” he said. “When you’re meeting with the hearing board, you’re still building that community, but you’re building it with people across campus; whereas with the area coordinator you’re talking with someone who is also in that building.”

Anyway, I have received a lot of feedback on this new addition to my face, and I’d like to take some time to share my thoughts.

Men, this part is for you.

In the days of yore, there were two distinct gender roles: man and woman. The men went out and labored in the fields to provide for their families, while the women stayed home and cared for the homestead, the children and the kinfolk.

Fortunately, these misogynist standards of society have changed, and we live in a much more liberating and progressive world, where men aren’t the only ones driving pickup trucks and wielding power tools.

However, this can result in an identity crisis – how, then, can we define ourselves as men? The answer is in the scruff.

Occasionally, we must don a little furriness to assert our true masculinity. This comes in many forms, so make sure you choose the one that suits you best.

Famous styles include the mutton-chops (a good replacement for earmuffs), the goatee (a stylish yet simple choice for beginners), the creeper ‘stache (if you drive an unmarked, windowless van) or the full beard (for best results, don’t trim and move into the mountains to hunt with the wolves).

If your gal is giving you trouble, you have two choices: 1) Tell her to read the bottom half of this column. Or, 2) Use one of the following months as an excuse to grow your beard – No Shave November, Decembeard/ Don’t Shave December, Jesus-beard January, Facial Hair February, Mustache March, etc.

She can use these months to adjust to the beard. And once she is comfortable, gents, there’s really no reason to shave it off.

Ladies, this part is for you.

You see, I have discussed beards at great length with my fellow gentlemen, and we have come to some very important conclusions regarding the face fur.

While the beard might not be a pillowy soft surface, it symbolizes a man’s spirit. In the words of a good friend (and noted mustachio), “a true woman may not like the beard, but at least she can appreciate that it gives her man strength.”

No man grows a beard because he thinks it will look good. I mean, think about that – the only reason a person would grow a beard to look good is if their face underneath is ugly. No, a man grows his beard to make a statement. And that statement is: I am who I am, and I have the right to be me. If your man has a beard, you should be proud that you have a guy who is confident enough with who he is to have a beard.

Granted, it might feel like you’re kissing a squirrel’s back; for that we apologize. But think about how it feels for us – it’s like having a squirrel on our face at all times. So we can empathize.

But at the end of the day, it does give us some type of strength. In the story of Samson and Delilah, scripture explains that Samson would lose his strength without his hair.

If you don’t believe me, then let me offer this list of historical notables who sported mighty beards: God, Jesus, the Dos Equis most interesting man in the world, Bob Noll, my aunt Alice, Charles Darwin, Zeus, Chuck Norris, Santa Claus, Conan O’Brien, Billy Mays, Hagrid and of course Zach Galifianakis.

This year, going into the track season, I am looking forward to using my own beard to gain strength in my races. I think it will work magic for me in two ways.

First of all, I think that it will intimidate the heck out of my opponents. Let’s be serious – how would you feel if a mountain man pulled up next to you in a grueling test of physical endurance? My point exactly.

And secondly, I have found personal strength with my beard. In cold weather, it protects me from the snow, just like a buffalo’s fur coat. I have learned how to truly harness my inner-animal and I simply can’t wait to unleash it on the track.

But guys, you can choose any reason you want to grow a beard. Are you an athlete? Grow a beard. Are you an intellectual? Grow a beard. Are you straight? Grow a beard. Are you gay? Grow a beard. Do you have homework? Grow a beard.

The list goes on, but the message is simple: Beard on, my fellow men.

For the 2012 year, the board will consist of Greg Petsche as the Student Union president and Steven Palmieri as the executive vice president.

After being sworn into office by Pete Hayden, Vice President for Judicial Affairs Joe Hayek swore in the remaining members of the executive board, including Vice President for Business Affairs Charles Trouba, Vice President for Student Organizations Bill Cook, Vice President for Programming Taylor Horen, and Vice President for Communication Lizzie Trathen.

Former president Rita Rochford gave a departing address thanking her executive board for their support and wishing the incoming executive board the best of luck.

“I am excited that I was able to pass the torch to such a capable leader as Greg Petsche,” said Rochford. “I have every confidence in him and his administration to execute their job effectively on behalf of the student body.”

Following this, the newly elected officers took their oath of office, pledging to serve their student body to the best of their abilities.

In his inaugural address to the student body, Petsche laid out his vision for his term as president.

One of his top priorities is making the Student Union more accessible to the student body, said Petsche.

“My administration will place a bigger emphasis on student outreach. Every student should feel comfortable to reach out to their Student Union,” he said.

In order to do this, the executive board is planning to put suggestion boxes around campus, and they have already created an online suggestion box on the Student Union website.

Petsche’s other major objective this year is the promotion of diversity and inclusion on campus.

He said, “As students in the Jesuit education tradition, it is our mission to be men and women for and with others. We must ensure that John Carroll University is a place where diversity is celebrated, not hidden.”

A big part of this mission will be a Diversity and Inclusion Week, for which Vice President for Programming Taylor Horen secured funding.

Petsche said he, Rochford and junior Senator Ryan Zubal have been working with students, faculty and administrators to find new ways to integrate diversity and inclusion into the academic and residential lives of students at JCU.

Among his other goals, Petsche would like to improve JCU’s relationship with the 27 other Jesuit universities in the country and the relationship within the University Heights community.

“Our vision is clear and our mission well defined. It’s now time to act,” said Petsche.

Before last semester ended, General Manager for JCU Dining Tyson Dubay listed goals he had. Over break, Dubay said that they were able to complete everything they set out to do and are excited to see it come to fruition now that students are back on campus.

In Schott Dining Hall, the biggest change was the remodeling of the dessert station. “We consolidated our dessert area into one place,” said Dubay. “We now have our bakery out front so you see a little bit more action going on in that space.”

In addition to the renovations, Dubay said they have hired a second full-time baker so that they can gradually increase the diversity of desserts offered in the dining hall.

“[Some options may include] more cakes, more pies, multiple component things, instead of just having cookies, brownies and rice crispy treats all the time,” he said

The other major change that the new bakery has brought to the dining hall is a new way of making the pizzas.

“Along with our bakery comes baking our own pizza. If you’ve had our pizza before and you have it now, it’s quite a bit of a difference in the crust – it’s a fresher product,” said Dubay.

He explained that the dough is made fresh every day and pressed at the pizza station so that it is not as chewy.

The menu at the Inn Between has also been significantly expanded.

Now, in addition to sandwiches, flatbreads and macaroni, patrons of the Inn Between have the option of made-to-order salads and wraps as well.

Because this station is located at the flatbread counter, Dubay said that it has been very helpful in diverting some of the traffic from the grill, which has the highest volume of customers at the Inn Between.

This has also helped bring wait times down, especially during their busiest part of the year in the first several weeks of the semester.

“Our first month is usually our crunch month – that’s when everybody’s back, that’s when everybody wants to use their plus points, that’s when our nights are the busiest and the lines are the longest,” said Dubay.

The salads and wraps are $6.99, the same price as the grab-and-go salads were last semester. Dubay added, “You can get as much as you want or as little as you want.”

Several students have noticed a price increase in several menu items at the ‘Tween, but according to Dubay this is standard for this time of year because food costs as a whole tend to go up.

Sysco is the main supplier for JCU Dining for the dining hall and the Inn Between, so they are subject to Sysco’s price differences throughout the year.

With late night studying underway, the Inn Between is gearing up their call-ahead takeout option.

In order to better manage the large number of customers and decrease wait time, students now have the option to call in their order 15-30 minutes before they want to pick it up.

Sophomore Tyler Weseling was very upset with the long waits. He said that he waited 40 minutes for his sandwich.

Currently, the system uses only plus points and Carroll Cash, but eventually they would like to be able to accept credit cards and actual cash, said Dubay.

So far, this service is in its infant stages of development, and JCU Dining is looking to expand their promotions so more students know about it.

Because the program is new, many students have not yet heard about it.

Sophomore Emily Stolfer said, “I would have called ahead. It would make life easier.” She said that now that she knows about it she will probably use it.

Junior Corrin Powell agreed. “I knew about it and I would use it, as long as it’s still warm and I don’t have to wait.”

Not all JCU students have as much faith in the call ahead service.

Junior Pat Burns said, “I have a friend, who for privacy’s purposes we’ll call Code Red, who ordered his food and stepped out of the Inn Between for 10 minutes. Upon his return [he found] they had cancelled his order. I don’t know how the call ahead scenario will work if they can’t even take orders face-to-face.”

Still other students are skeptical of the service and feel tentative about its potential for success.

Junior Alyssa Harford said that she hadn’t heard about it, but probably wouldn’t use it. “Getting it would be a pain in the butt,” she said.

And sophomore Alyssa Singer said, “They don’t really make it clear what they offer [for the call ahead service].”

Dubay has plans to make this program more well known around campus, including using the InsideJCU updates, student-texting promotions, and ads in The Carroll News. He also hopes that students will spread the word.

“Hopefully word of mouth [will be the best publicity] because sometimes that’s what works the best,” Dubay said.

“As soon as you call your order in, it’s like you’re the next person in line.”

Once this has proven to be a successful procedure, Dubay would like to expand this service to include a residence hall delivery feature. He hopes to have this in place by the end of spring or Easter break.

For the delivery service, the menu will probably be modified to include a larger pizza than the flatbreads that they currently sell, said Dubay.

Students interested in calling their orders in to the Inn Between can call 216-397-6293 between Sunday and Thursday from 8 p.m. until midnight.

visions of sugarplums danced in my head.

My dreams just went wild as I continued to snooze,

so I wrote them all down in this tabloid of news.

Less than three weeks ‘til Christmas, I realized with joy.

This thought made me as giddy as when I was a boy.

Like a lad, I couldn’t wait for the presents I’d find.

But then a new thought stormed my gingerbread mind.

What about the people who don’t get these treasures?

How is their Christmas still filled with such pleasure?

They go to bed knowing no Santa will come,

as they close their young eyes in their impoverished slum.

Then I remembered Through the Eyes of a Child –

the kids were so happy and everyone smiled.

Like the Grinch, I was moved, and my heart grew three sizes.

Their appreciation for life knew no cruel compromises.

More than half of them live with no food in their tummy,

but still they all giggle, and nobody’s bummy.

I awoke from my dream and just lied there in bed.

The sugarplums no longer danced in my head.

But a vision was there that now has defined me;

so if you’re a Blue Streak then rally behind me.

Go make someone smile, it’s no magic trick.

If you give them this gift then you’ll be their St. Nick.

The world isn’t fair, but we all play a part.

So get in the spirit and open your heart.

The truth is we don’t have to be Santa Claus,

if we want to crusade for a worthwhile cause.

Give a wink or a kiss or a sweatered embrace.

Open your arms, and light up someone’s face.

Share cocoa and laughter and genuine love.

Thank God for your blessings that are sent from above.

Be like Buddy, the Elf (played by Will Ferrell)

and bring Christmas here, to your home at John Carroll.

There are people who need you, but you need people too.

So act with intention, be honest,

Give yourself fully to people in pain;

compassion’s your sleigh, now you must take the reigns.

When the snowflakes all fall and the temperature’s zero,

Reach out to the shivering, be their candy cane hero.

I implore you to act in the Jesuit style –

be people for others, make the downtrodden smile.

This is the truth, it’s simple, just trust us:

If you want peace in the world, then you must work for justice.

Although I’m not sure a homily was the best forum for this discussion, I am glad it was addressed at such a high level (our school’s president).

Over the past several years, with a huge effort from University Heights Mayor Infeld and our Student Union, the relationship between the City and the University has taken huge steps forward.

This is great considering that prior to Mayor Infeld’s term in office, the City and the University were virtually divorced from each other. With a city as small as University Heights, this kind of cold-shouldered tension was simply impractical for both parties.

Even now, though, the question remains – are we a university town or a university in a town? I think a fair case can be made for either one. Our presence in University Heights drives commerce very high. JCU also owns many off-campus properties, and the juniors and seniors who live off campus are paying taxes to the city. Furthermore, JCU animates University Heights. Many local residents feel it’s exciting to see an energetic, buzzing college campus in their own backyard.

However, when this excitement escalates to a belligerent level, then we are not only making a bad name for our university, but for everyone who is associated with it, from students to faculty to administrators. This isn’t fair to anyone.

Just last week, the nation watched in horror as Penn State students rioted and took over their own town in a shameful display of disrespect. And that’s really what it comes down to – respect (or lack thereof).

As Niehoff pointed out, the biggest problem here is the absence of respect. It has been at the cornerstone of every major issue for as long as he remembers, ranging from problems of diversity and inclusion to the most recent problems with University Heights, and everything in between.

The idea of respect deserves its own column, so keep your eyes open. That one is coming soon. But for now, I’d like to give some more attention to the current issue with University Heights.

Above all, it is important to realize that in any situation like this, it is a small portion of the student body that is creating the problem. Unfortunately, in the eyes of the public, they represent the whole student population here at JCU. This definitely contributes to the high tension between the City and the University.

As a whole, I believe John Carroll students are some of the most respectful college students anywhere. We are a social justice university – we actively promote doing good service in the community and in the world. After all, we proudly say that we are “people for others.” But how can we say that we act in the interest of others globally if we are incapable of demonstrating this in our own backyard?

Just days before these embarrassing events took place, many students went around University Heights and helped rake leaves for the residents. This is a more accurate portrait of who we are. This is what people should think of when they hear the name John Carroll University. Unfortunately, I fear that it is not.

Yes, we are a fun university. I am in my third year at JCU, and I have personally witnessed what is now considered “intolerable” for students (underage drinking, partying, etc). When these actions stand alone, they are not harmful. Even under the age of 21, if students are responsible, I think that they can be trusted (and dare I say expected) to go to parties where alcohol is being consumed.

This is just a part of college life. And for the most part, I have found the neighbors to be generally tolerant when it comes to a casual Saturday night party. However, when these events get out of hand, when the noise is disrespectfully loud or students are violating the residents’ trust, that is where the line must be drawn.

Regardless of whether we are a university town or a university in a town, we must have respect for the neighborhood. Every single one of us has the responsibility to uphold the values of respect that this university stands for. Our relationship with the City can improve, but it needs to be an effort from us as a student body too. Before we boast being “the Jesuit university in Cleveland,” let’s try being the Jesuit university in University Heights.

We all deal with struggles in our daily lives, and sometimes these can seem overwhelming. Negativity can cloud our mind and affect how we respond to the people who are closest to us.

I have experienced first-hand the consequences of this kind of thought. One of the most contagious diseases in this world is a frown. As elementary as it sounds, I have found that pessimism, cynicism and negativity are more dangerous venoms than the deadliest of poisons.

In my own life, I will admit that I have let myself become a victim of these forces. They have a dreadful way of taking over our thoughts and polluting others’ smiles.

That simply isn’t fair to anyone. With the yuletide season just around the corner, I like to think of Buddy the elf, who says proudly, “Smiling is my favorite.” What a simple but fantastic motto to live by.

And as any Star Wars junkie can confirm, the dark side is not actually more powerful, and it always leads to worse outcomes.

If you are fortunate enough to be able to overcome occasional negative feelings on your own, then congratulations. Spread your happiness to the world. But if you can’t seem to shake off your frown, for whatever reason, I may have some helpful thoughts for you.

For a long time, I was looking for an easy solution to this plague of discord that often subtly manifests itself as a smug remark or a few cold words to a close friend. But when I noticed this wasn’t a particularly good way to make and keep friends, I figured it was about time to figure something better out.

After exhausting my own introspective solutions, I decided to rely on an old friend who also did some thinking about this subject – St. Ignatius of Loyola. As JCU students, we should always seek to embody the Jesuit ideals, but I think that we frequently forget about their Ignatian roots.

In order to solve personal attitudinal problems, I think that Ignatius’s “Spiritual Exercises” are tremendously helpful. So, for you Negative Nancys out there, I think the best one to turn to is his Daily Examen.

It was explained to me in five very easy steps:

First, be grateful for every experience, both positive and negative. View all of your positive experiences to be your “free spaces” on the “Bingo board of life;” and think of your negative experiences not as bad things, but as opportunities for you to grow spiritually.

Next, open your mind and your heart to see things from a different point of view. Sometimes, this will require you to become very vulnerable. Although making yourself vulnerable can be a scary idea, it will help you achieve a more accepting view of your world.

The third step is to consider honestly your emotions. If something is weighing heavy on your heart, open yourself up to it. Take a deep breath and center your thoughts. Remember, you aren’t in this alone.

The fourth step follows very naturally – choose an experience from your day and evaluate it. Figure out what went well and give thanks. Then admit what went poorly, and resolve to fix it for the future.

Finally, look towards tomorrow. As Little Orphan Annie always used to say, “Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrow. You’re only a day away.” Find your bearings and follow down that path.

Adhering to these values requires gratitude, humility and love. But if you allow these to enter your heart, then you will be cured of your frown forever. Follow in the footsteps of St. Ignatius – stop, think, breathe and smile.

After all, the glass might not always be half full, but maybe it is just twice the size it needs to be; and there’s nothing wrong with that.

There were nine candidates and seven officer positions available.

Junior Greg Petsche won the presidential election with 716 votes, or 87 percent. Sophomore Matt Deboth was Petsche’s strongest opposition, as a write-in candidate, with 51 votes, or 6.2 percent.

Petsche said, “My leadership is going to be focused on building relationships between students and the University, students and the city of University Heights, as well as students and their Student Union.”

He plans to keep his platform promises of “fostering a more diverse and inclusive campus community, further building the Student Discount Partnership program, holding town-hall forums where students can more comfortably bring forward concerns and ideas to their Student Union, improving communications between the Student Union and the student body and creating a National Jesuit Student Government Association made up of the 28 Jesuit universities across the United States.”

Sophomore Steve Palmieri was elected executive vice president with a total of 702 votes out of 777, or 90 percent. Palmieri also ran uncontested.

“As executive vice president, I want to cultivate a spirit of school unity and pride through better communication, and mutual support of organizations and athletic teams,” said Palmieri. “I will also continue the hard work that Greg has done to improve relations between University Heights and John Carroll.”

Palmieri encourages student feedback and suggestions to improve the JCU experience for students.

“At the end of my term, I hope that our senators and all students will feel empowered to create real, lasting, positive change on campus,” said Palmieri.

The vice president of communications for the next semester will be junior Lizzie Trathen, who was in contention with sophomore Deirdre Byrne. Trathen received 456 votes, 53 percent, while Byrne received 381 votes, 4 percent.

Trathen wants to make sure that the bond between the students and their Student Union is strong.

“I want John Carroll students to realize that they are an integral part of the Student Union’s success. I hope to make meetings more inviting to students so they want to attend and share their ideas and concerns,” Trathen said.

With 726 votes, junior Joe Hayek won vice president of judicial affairs with 94 percent of the vote. He also ran unopposed.

Hayek said that he is very excited to have been elected to this position.

“My main goals for this position are to keep a consistent board and to reach out to the student body.  I want to hear what others have to say regarding our rules or sanctions,” he said.

In addition to regular meetings with the judicial board, Hayek said he will also keep his email open to the public, so that anyone with suggestions or disagreements can bring them up.

“I will emphasize that each student appearing in front of the board will be dealt with respectfully and will focus on the educational aspect of the hearing board,” said Hayek.

Junior Charlie Trouba received 93 percent of the vote with 710 votes, and will be the vice president of business affairs.

As vice president of business affairs, Trouba said his main duty will be to make sure that the budget is properly managed and to audit the organizations which receive the most funding from the budget boards are using their funds fairly.

“The purpose of these audits are intended to inform myself and members of the budget board of how SAF [student activity fee] funds are being used. As VP of business affairs my ultimate responsibility is to maximize the use of the SAF budget to benefit all JCU students,” said Trouba.

In the vice president for student organizations race between junior Bill Cook and sophomore Chris Wetherill, Bill Cook won with 60 percent of the vote, representing 479 students. Chris Wetherill got 293 votes, or 37 percent.

Junior Taylor Horen was elected the vice president of programming and received 743 of 775 votes, or 96 percent. She also ran uncontested.

“As the new vice president of programming, I strongly believe that better communication with the student body, unique marketing tactics, more popular events, and most importantly, enthusiasm, is what will make the programs we offer even more successful than they already are,” said Horen.

By the numbers

Out of 3,009 students, only 30 percent, or 897, voted in the Student Union elections.

According to President Elect Greg Petsche, this could have been because five of the nine candidates ran unopposed.

“With uncontested elections there are less candidates campaigning and thus engaging students personally. Uncontested elections also create a feeling of apathy in that many believe there is no point to voting when there are only two contested races,” said Petsche.

The reason that so many positions were uncontested was because many nominees for the positions either couldn’t make the time commitment or did not have the experience necessary.

“The reason many people didn’t accept [nominations] was because of the commitment in terms of time and energy that would conflict with a heavy course load, internship, prior obligations, etc.,” said Petsche. “On top of this, three of the uncontested positions (president, vice president of programming and vice president of judicial affairs) have more stringent qualifications due to the positions’ responsibilities.”

Despite the lack of competition for the candidates, compared to last year, this voter turnout was actually higher by 62 students. According to Petsche, many of the students who did not vote were either seniors or live off campus, two factors that discourage them from coming to the polls.

“Those that live off campus are harder to reach, and many seniors are in a graduating mindset and have a lot more going on outside of Carroll,” said Petsche.

Some of the recently elected officers are disappointed that so many freshmen are applying for the senate but so few upperclassmen accepted nominations for the executive board elections.

The Student Union has received 34 letters of intent for students who will run for senator positions. Of these, 19 are freshmen.

Horen feels that a better-publicized and explained election process will promote a higher number of people running for positions and voting.

Junior Ashley Aberl did not vote in this election, because she felt that the campaigning did not allow her to get to know the candidates.

“I don’t think the [candidate] forums were well advertised,” she said. “I wasn’t approached by a candidate until the day before.”

Sophomore Chuck Mulé agreed. “I only knew three of the candidates. Greg was running uncontested so I didn’t see the point in voting. And the two other people [I knew] were running against each other and I thought they would both do a good job, so I didn’t vote.”

Sophomores Andrew Ettinger and Sarah Alessi, who cast their ballot in the election feel that voting is an important duty for JCU students and citizens alike.

“It’s an important governmental aspect of our lives that furthers the democratic process,” said Ettinger.

Alessi said, “It’s important because it effects us directly and we see the benefits of it.”

Looking forward, Petsche believes that active student participation in the Student Union is essential to the student body’s success.

“We wouldn’t have any authority if people didn’t participate,” he said.

“People understand that if you’re doing something wrong, they have to write something up,” said Cahill. “But a lot of students feel like they are looking for a reason.”

According to Cahill, the resident assistants have conducted unwarranted searches of dormitory rooms and unfairly written students up. He said that it seems that some, but not all RAs this year have been stricter than in the previous two years that he has been at JCU.

The Office of Residence Life, on the other hand feels that this is not the case, and that the RAs are acting only as they have been trained to preserve a safe environment for on campus residents.

According to John Mack, the assistant director of residence life, the number of write-ups has actually gone down this year.

“Comparing to previous years, I would say we’ve had a lot less [write-ups],” said Mack.

Lisa Brown, the director of residence life, emphasized that the reason residence life at any university has to enforce these policies is to ensure that the students living on campus are acting safely and responsibly. However, Brown said that there have been no major policy changes this year from previous years.

She added that the RAs don’t look for specific violations, but they monitor for anything that could be a safety hazard to students.

“I think RAs are enforcing the violations that are brought to their attention. It’s not anything in particular – it’s what’s brought to our attention we address,” Brown said.

According to Mack, building and maintaining a safe community is always the first priority and the main idea behind writing students up.

“I think it has to do with building a community that everyone can feel comfortable living in and enjoy living in. We want a place where everyone is feeling that they are safe, that they are able to study, socialize and just be comfortable with where they live. Because of that, sometimes you’re going to have to put rules in place that help people be mindful and respectful of everyone else that lives around them,” said Mack.

Brown added, “In the write-up process, it’s about the RAs writing down what they’re observing. They are not making a judgment on whether someone is responsible or what is going to happen to that individual if they are found responsible [for a violation].”

Mack also explained that the role of RAs when they are writing students up for a violation is strictly observation.

“The analogy we always use [when] we train them is that you’re a video camera – you’re purely just recording everything that took place; you’re not offering any opinions or judgments. Then it’s up to the hearing board how they’re going to use that information and what decisions are made,” said Mack. “By in large, I think RAs would say that [writing people up] is the part of the job they hate the most. The RA would much rather answer a question or clarify a policy than have to deal with it later on.”

Junior resident assistant Greg Petsche has been in Sutowski Hall for two years. He confirmed that the goal of RAs is to make sure that their residence hall is a safe environment.

Petsche said, “Our goal with [doing] rounds is making sure we’re providing a safe environment for the students in the residence halls. What we’re looking for are activities and things that students may be engaged in that could be potentially hazardous to their health or to the health of others.”

According to Petsche, it is important to understand that RAs are students too, and they aren’t looking for reasons to write people up.

Furthermore, respecting the rule of confidentiality is essential to an RA’s write-up procedure. Petsche said that under no circumstance are RAs allowed to discuss the details of a write-up with anyone outside of the situation. Because of this rule, said Petsche, RAs don’t have the chance to defend their write-ups, so students gossip about what actually happened when they are written up, and rumors get spread.

“We’re here to help residents,” said Petsche. “Most people do this job not for the room and board. Most RAs do the job because of the fact that we actually get to help people. A lot of the things we do are behind the scenes – the hours we spend working with them or just talking with them one on one. There are a lot of things that are not policy-focused. We need to be there for residents and make sure residents feel comfortable coming to us and living in a safe environment.”

He said that most write-ups come from noise complaints that they investigate. “If we’re able to hear it three doors down, that constitutes a noise violation. [And these] tend to serve as a lead in to other issues.”

If there is alcohol in the room in the presence of minors, the RAs have to follow procedure and write the students up.

Brown said that the best way for students to avoid getting written up is to act responsibly.

“The policies are gone over at the very beginning of the year, they’re available online, so students have the responsibility to familiarize themselves with it and then they need to act responsibly according to those policies.”

Cahill agrees that the best solution to tension between RAs and students is through better communication.

“We hope to better the communication between students and residence life so students have a better understanding of the rules,” said Cahill.

Each of these issues should receive special attention, but while we are on the bandwagon of justice, I would like to bring one more issue to the attention of the Carroll community: dexterity discrimination.

Perhaps to the average right-handed person, discrimination against lefties is no big problem here at JCU. False. For the few southpaws who have chosen this institution, we encounter serious obstacles in our daily life.

The biggest hurdle we have to deal with is the desk situation in classrooms. If we are lucky, there are maybe two desks out of 25 that are left-handed. This is not justice. Just because we don’t conform and write with our right hand doesn’t mean we don’t deserve the privilege to write at all.

Naturally, since we are right-brained, we have found creative solutions to this problem – using another notebook on our lap as a desk, turning our whole bodies to reach the desk, etc.

But when a right-handed person has the misfortune of finding a left-handed desk, you would think it’s the end of the world. Righties, you need to grow up. Stop throwing temper tantrums every time you get a lefty desk – we deal with your desks all the time, so just try for once to sit in our seats for a class.

That’s not all. All spiral-bound notebooks, essential to in-class note taking, put us at a disadvantage. We struggle everyday to take fast notes and keep up with professors; but after 75 minutes of intense scribbling away, alas, most of what we have written is on our left pinky or smeared across the page.

This is an unavoidable fate, but it is a severe handicap that so frequently goes overlooked by the dexteriously fortunate right-handed crowd.

But perhaps the biggest form of discrimination against us is in the very name of the school. On our seal we are the “Universitas Joannis Carroll” with the inscription “Lobo y olla” beneath – completely in Latin. We use this language as a symbol of academia and prestige as a university. But it is also the language of the lefty-loathers.

If we look at the etymology of Latin itself, you’ll find that it has a subtle, but discriminatory undertone as well. The word “sinister,” which means evil and cruel-intentioned, derives from the Latin word “sinistra,” which literally means, “left.”

I think the true tragedy of this problem is awareness. This is the first step in solving any issue, and I hope that you, my readers, will spread the word for left-handed people’s rights. We aren’t radical or violent. We aren’t the 99 percent that is occupying every major city. We are just the 10 percent; the peaceful 10 percent of people who use our left hand instead.

It isn’t something we chose, we were just born that way. But we are proud of it, nonetheless.

Some of the most influential people in history have been the “sinisters” of the world: Obama, Ramses II and Marilyn Monroe, just to name a few. The point is, lefties are the movers and shakers. We are proud to be the first black president; we are proud to be Egyptian pharaohs; and we are proud to be the sexiest woman of the 20th century. We, the southpaws, are proud to be left-handed.

So it’s time for all of the dexterously-challenged to unite. Join the cause and let people know that we deserve equal writes (Get it? It’s a pun because I can use my right brain creatively like that).

The time is now. Do what’s right  and stand up for the left.

Luke Sebbens, stand-in for Taylor Lautner in “Abduction”

And how better to do this than by listing some of the sweetest things I can think of in this world.

Chocolate! This is the king of sweets. There is nothing better than savoring that perfect piece of carefully confected chocolate. In fact, did you know that the melting point of chocolate is just below the normal body temperature, so it is actually designed to melt in your mouth? What’s more, chocolate is its own food group, so combined with caramel and milk, it can act as a complete and nutritious meal (at least according to my slightly distorted food guide pyramid).

Hershey itself is headquartered in my home state of Pennsylvania, so if the decadent taste of chocolate isn’t convincing enough, then you can still appreciate the fact that it comes from the keystone state of the union. Even the flowerbeds in Hershey, Pa. are mulched with a mouth-watering, aromatic cocoa bean mulch. Yum.

And now that your taste buds are thoroughly stimulated, let’s move on to that other high – calorie craving – candy.

Everyone loves candy. It just makes us happy. In many ways, candy is a metaphor for life. Sometimes it’s sour; sometimes it’s sweet; and sometimes it gets us really sticky, but it’s totally worth it. And, much like candy, there are plenty of suckers in life, and occasionally it feels like an everlasting gobstopper. But at the end of the day, if you take it piece by piece (like Reese’s Pieces), it’s pretty good.

Lollipops. If chocolate is the king, then lollipops are the king’s juicy scepter. I learned this in grade school: “L-O-double L-I-P-O-P, you see. It’s a lick on a stick, guaranteed to make you sick, that’s lollipop for me.” Between Blow Pops and Jolly Rancher pops, I’m a happy boy. But I never did figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. I guess the world may never know. Moving on.

Gummy Bears. Do I need to say more? Didn’t think so.

Reaching a bit further into the dustbin of history, I remember when NECCO wafers were on every shelf. They were like the Starburst of hard candy – so many flavors; sometimes you got one that you didn’t want, but it still tasted good; and sharing was out of the question. Unfortunately, it seems that these delectables have largely fallen to the wayside.

Eventually, maybe these and other forgotten snacks like Charleston Chew and candy cigarettes will come back to the shelves that they once occupied so we can enjoy them yet again.

Until this happens, though, I will be happy with the delicious dessert diversity that we already have.

Because perhaps the sweetest thing of all doesn’t come from a chocolate factory or a caramel kitchen. It comes from the heart (the real one, not the candy ones you get on Valentine’s Day). Perhaps Sweetest Day is just a candy maker’s ploy to boost sales between holidays, but we might as well embrace it. Use this cute little holiday as a diversion. Go out and buy some sweets; give them to someone who is your sweet.

Each of us has a candyman – that person who knows how to make you feel the sweetest. So this Oct. 15, find out who that is and make them blush.

Remember the answer to this eternal question: Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew, cover it with chocolate and a miracle or two? The candyman can. The candyman can because he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good.

Who is your candyman?

Earthquakes that once struck only the west coast have shaken the eastern states; and hurricanes of torrential strength have climbed out of the Gulf coast region and onto our doorstep. Prophecies, ancient and modern, have been made about the apocalypse and now many are asking: Could this be it?

Most people are familiar with the basic backdrop of the end of the world, like what they would teach you in Apocalypse 101. Such facts include eerie forecasts sparked by the end of the Mayan calendar or the predictions of Nostradamus.

The History Channel exploits these superstitions with shows like “Life without people,” where vivid graphics depict an already-deteriorating infrastructure that will lead to our inevitable demise.

However, one thing that all of these dark soothsayers have failed to showcase what may be the most important part – how to survive in a post-apocalyptic world (if you manage to somehow avoid the four horsemen).

Fortunately, I have some of these secrets, and I’m willing to share them with you.

So consider this your personal list of the Bayer Essentials for after the world comes to a dismal end.

The best thing about this list is that unlike the myriad websites that detail how to survive the apocalypse, this list is printed on paper – one of the few mediums that won’t be lost to a technological crash. You’re welcome.

That’s my first tip: Never go anywhere without a copy of The Carroll News. Newspapers are great, cheap blankets, and have a very high insulation factor. In fact, during the Great Depression, many homeless people called newspapers “Hoover blankets” because of these qualities. I’m sure people at a post-apocalypse John Carroll will affectionately call The CN, “Carroll Covers.” So make sure to pick up your Carroll Cover at our newsstands around campus today.

Another great survival tool is a knife. The practical applications of a knife are countless. It can be used to cut anything and everything: it can be used as a handy pry bar or screwdriver; or you may even be able to use it as steel for your flint and steel fire starter (make sure to get the steel to go along with it though).

Trust me, there’s nothing like freshly cut venison on a fire that you just started to get you through those dark hours of a lonely world.

Food is extremely important as well. We live in a dangerously convenient world, and it seems that obtaining food might be the hardest part of surviving on your own for most people. In my opinion, this is more of a mental block than a physical one. There is such an abundance of ready-to-eat food just waiting for us.

It’s like that scene in “The Lion King” where Timon and Pumba serve Simba a heaping leaf of bugs – sometimes you just have to “hakuna matata” and swallow your pride (especially if your pride is a serving of creepy crawlers). Or if you want to be really awesome, you could be like a real lion and hunt your own meat. It would finally give our digestive track something to process naturally, anyways.

One component of survival that is commonly overlooked is trust. If you want to stay alive after the world as we know it has ended, you have to trust yourself. You have to believe that you have what it takes to overcome the gruesome death that consumes the weak of heart.

In general, the students are very understanding of the wait and don’t blame the staff.

“They’re busy, it’s understandable,” said junior Dan Valore.

Freshman Robert Wright agrees. “The big issue with the lines is that they’re long. You can’t fault them for that. I remember one time it was really bad and they only had one guy working.”

Junior Rachael Mizner, who is a member of the swim team, said the wait in line is usually about 20 minutes, but is sometimes much longer.

“We come here after swim meets, and the line can be an hour. It’s not their fault, but they need a better system,” she said.

However, for many busy students, the wait is unreasonably long for their food, and they feel that in order to fit in with their homework and activities, the wait in the Inn Between should not take as long as it does.

Sophomore Alyssa Brown said, “My Inn Between purchases have definitely downsized since last year because of the wait. This year, I waited half an hour for a Hamlin [the chicken sandwich], which is my favorite food. This time I’ve been here for over 20 minutes waiting for a Rodman [the grilled cheese], and they haven’t started making it yet.”

Other students echo this frustration and feel that the long waits cut into their homework time.

Freshman Paul Dunneback said, “I wish I didn’t have to wait as long. Sometimes it’s late and if you’ve got homework it sucks to have to wait for your food.”

If the line is too long for his usual Sutowski sandwich, he gets a pizza instead. Valore admitted that the wait sometimes affects his meal choices too.

Many of the upperclassmen remember the old setup of the Inn Between.

“Our freshman year is how it should’ve been set up,” said Valore.

Senior Joe Bossard added, “The sandwich line should be where it used to be two years ago [where the soda refrigerators are located].”

The old setup also offered a more diverse menu, which some students miss.  Bossard suggested bringing back the cheese steak, and other students also emphasized the importance of variety.

“I’m a wrestler, so I like the healthy stuff,” said Dunneback.

However, mostly everyone agrees that the food at the Inn Between is excellent. Mark Jackson is a sophomore transfer student from The College of Wooster. Jackson feels that the food at the Inn Between is very good. He said, “At Wooster all they had were hamburgers and hotdogs.”

Mike McClean is a senior and goes to The Inn Between twice to three times per week. Although he has recognized a change in how long it takes, he still thinks it’s worth the wait, which he said has been as long as 35 minutes.

“Even if I’m here for a while, I don’t want to cut myself short of good food. Some days it’s a bit different, but usually I just wait.”

Tyson Dubay, the JCU Dining general manager, agreed that waiting half an hour for food is too long. But he justified the probable wait time to an increase in diner volume from last year.

“Because everything is cooked to order, from the time when a guest places an order it should take between 5-10 minutes based on what they order,” said Dubay. “Transactions per hour are double what they were last year. We are seeing on average 700 more transactions per week over 2010 and 1,000 more over 2009.”

In order to accommodate this spike in customers, Dubay said that JCU Dining has tried to make sure the process is as efficient as possible. “We have doubled our staff at the Inn Between to accommodate the influx of guests. We have [also] streamlined the system by having an order ticket system – the guest can pay in advance so when their food is ready they do not have to wait in line to pay,” he said.

For students who want a faster option, Dubay encourages them to turn to the grab-and-go cooler.

“[The cooler] is always stocked with sandwiches, salads, fruit cup, parfaits, and various other items.”

This allows the cooks behind the grill to make everything to order for their guests.

“We do not start the cooking process until the guest orders so we can ensure that they are getting the freshest and most consistent products,” said Dubay.

If students are still dissatisfied with their product or how long it took to make, Dubay suggests filling out comment cards, using the JCU Dining website or contacting JCU Dining directly.

Somers, the library’s current director was proud to say that Grasselli is moving forward into the world of technology, merging print with digital media, however, she was quick to note that the library has an interesting past that should not be forgotten.

Josephine Grasselli, daughter of Caesar Grasselli, the noted benefactor of John Carroll, always thought the campus needed a library. From a young age she saved her money and eventually raised enough to begin work on the current building. Laurene Dicillo, JCU’s archivist, said that this was more than just a library for Grasselli, she put her heart and soul into a learning space she thought was necessary for students.

Dicillo works with the history of JCU every day. The archives, which are located in the lowest level of Grasselli, house photos, university records, faculty awards, and much more dating back to 1886 when the university was founded.

She has a handwritten list of the first students to ever be enrolled at JCU which at the time was St. Ignatius College.

“I even have a copy of the first Carroll News from 1925,” she said.  These are only a few of the thousands of items located in the archives.

During the celebration on Tuesday there was a short program that took a look into the history of the library and its directors. Marci Milota, a veteran staff member, has spent more than half of her life working in Grasselli. It was easy to tell as she spoke how much the library meant to her.

She knew each of the previous four library directors on a personal level and could not express how much they did for the library.

Milota watched the library grow into the resource center that it is today. She said “it is amazing to think of the days when we used typewriters. Today, libraries wouldn’t exist without computers.”

In 1994, the library used only 5 percent of its budget on electronics, mainly CD-ROMS.  This year over 50 percent of the budget was allotted for electronic resources. It is no surprise to the 29 staff members in the library that technology is vital to college students and their academic work. Somers wants students to make the most of Grasselli’s resources, both print and electronic.

Sophomore Christine Fleig is a fan of the Center for Digital Media, which was opened in March of 2010. She likes that the Macs in the Center have the program Final Cut.

“I’m a Mac-over-PC person,” Fleig said.

Somers is also working hard to make the library a “social academic space.”

“We encourage students to work together in study groups or visit Java City,” she said.

Some students also enjoy the quiet atmosphere the library provides.

“It’s different than a dorm,” freshman Rob Morel said. “It’s more welcoming.”

Will there be a celebration in 50 years for Grasselli’s 100th anniversary?  Somers and Dicillo both seem to think so.

“The library is absolutely essential,” said Somers. “It is such a special place for so many people.”

Unfortunately, I feel that the art of dancing has been lost to our generation’s pop culture. It’s very difficult (though not impossible) to waltz to Gucci Mane. And doing a windmill in rhythm to Jay-Z is no easy feat either.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy all kinds of music. When my homeboys are spitting fire on the mics, I don’t mind getting jiggy with it. But when I pay $25 for a ticket to a dance, I don’t plan on grabbing my date by the waist, moving our hips back and forth for three hours and pretending it’s dancing.

I like to think back to the good old days – the 1920s, when dancing was an expression of our very humanity; the days when flappers rocked the dance floor and jazz hands shaped the world.

Even our former generations did a good job preserving the Americana inherent in shaking our booties. The 1950s brought with it the songs “Hand Jive” and “Johnny B. Goode.” These rocking singles were considered just as rebellious as our current songs, and they didn’t even implicate sex and drugs.

But it seems that we have lost these days that history has dubbed, “the golden oldies.” That’s why I will take it upon myself (and anyone who cares to join) to bop to the beat at this weekend’s Homecoming dance the way we were meant to.

I have noticed that many students have attempted to replicate the earlier decades in various ways at JCU dances, but it just hasn’t extended to the actual dance floor yet. Just like the 1920s, students don’t hesitate to bring their flasks to dances (in solidarity with the prohibition-protestors of old); alas, no flappers. And there’s certainly no short supply of strict chaperones; alas, no Kenny Loggins to make us all cut loose.

So what, then, are my expectations for a real dance? I think our first goal should be to actually dance. If a song does not lend itself to free-flowing movement of your body, it’s time to improvise. Fortunately, even the most down and dirty hip-hop and R&B songs have a solid beat. Use that to find your soulful self and move that body.

All too often, I have heard my classmates claim that they don’t know how to dance. This just isn’t true. All dancing requires is moving your body and having fun. No one says you have to be on “America’s Best Dance Crew” to enjoy yourself.

Perhaps you don’t feel comfortable dancing, but I promise it will feel good. It’s tough to make yourself vulnerable when everyone else is grinding and you step outside the box to put some funk in your step. But, for Pete’s sake, it’s a dance, so have some fun.

Now maybe you’re ready to take it to the next level and impress your date.

Fellas: don’t be afraid to lead. Put one hand on your lovely lady’s waist, the other in her hand, and let your feet do the rest. She will love this energy and initiative. If you throw a few step-step-ball-changes in there and an occasional spin, who knows where your night might lead you?

And ladies: If your man is being lame and you don’t just want to move your booty back and forth all night, this is 2011 – you can take the lead too. If he doesn’t follow, use your woman-power. I’m not sure how it works, but all of you seem to use it pretty effectively.

If you don’t know what to do, you can just waddle like a penguin from “Happy Feet,” and your feet will definitely be happy.

But no matter what, as my mom always told me before my high school dances, please leave enough room for the Holy Spirit. This is a Jesuit university – no hanky panky on the dance floor.

I think that covers the basics, but feel free to get creative. After all, it’s JCU, just have a good time.

Oh, and Rachael Greuber, will you go to homecoming with me?

Last week, I saw a bunch of promotions for Greek life on campus and the atmosphere excited me. Naturally, I assumed this was some sort of cultural festival on campus to raise money for Greece. After all, they need it over there.

I was enthusiastic to participate. When I asked someone what it was, they surprised me with their addition of another European culture to this celebration – they said they were Greeks and they were Russian.

Fantastic! Vodka and gyros, I thought. Boy was I wrong. As it turns out, these people are not ethnically Greek and they were “rushing,” not Russian. Last week was apparently their way to recruit other people who want to impersonate a failing European state.

Now I was curious to find out more about this popular campus organization that needed to rush last week. I wanted to know what their hurry was.

I’m still not entirely sure I understand it, but the following is what I experienced while all these alleged Greeks were rushing around.

The most exciting (yet disappointing) part of the week was learning about how everyone is apparently related.

I learned that all of the people in these clubs are brothers and sisters. How cool is that? I’ve heard of people discovering long-lost cousins when they go to college, but apparently our very own siblings are wandering around out there and we have no idea until we join these groups. You don’t even have to use Ancestry.com.

Well, since I love my younger sister so much, I thought it would be super cool if I got an older one too. So I tried to apply for one. I went to Kappa Kappa Gamma and asked very nicely if I could have what they call a “big” (which is strange because she was actually much smaller than me). Everyone on Facebook seems very excited to be getting these big brothers and sisters. I was rejected.

They told me that if I wanted to be Greek, I had to be in a “fraternity,” not a “sorority.” Hmph. I tried explaining to them that I just wanted another sister. But I was willing to play by their rules if that’s what I needed to do.

I determined to immerse myself in Grecian culture. So I threw away my wallet, emptied my bank account, and obliterated my savings. If that doesn’t scream Greece, then what does, right? Wrong. I still wasn’t Greek enough according to their standards.

I went back to my room dismayed but determined. How can I be Greek enough to get myself a sister? This was a question for Google. After hours of research, I decided that playing by the rules was clearly not a true Greek value. If I wanted a sister, I would have to be sneaky.

I settled upon building a horse to infiltrate their organizations, just like the Greeks did in the Trojan War. Unfortunately, I had no idea how to build a trick horse, so I went back to Google. Search term: Trojan. Alas, I did not figure out how to build my horse.

Back to square one. I had no sister, no idea what this whole Greek thing was and I think I had accidentally ordered a “Pleasure Pack” of something or another along the way. What next?

If I couldn’t get a sibling, then I wanted to at least find out more about this whole club thing. Here’s what else I found:

Every year, they dance for the school. Unfortunately, it’s not traditional Greek dancing, but a highly choreographed series of skits during which men dress as women, women dress as men, and occasionally a Transformer makes an appearance. They call this LipSync, and it is one of their proudest moments – a Parthenon of talent, if you will.

Another important part of this group is their adherence to an archaic alphabet. I’m pretty sure it’s an equation for their plans to take over the world, but I’m not nearly good enough at arithmetic to figure it out. If you are math student, please help me decipher this code: ΔΤΔ ΒΘΠ ΣΦΕ ΚΚΓ ΧΩ ΓΦΒ ΚΑΘ ΚΔ. I’m afraid of what they’re planning.

This year, the Student Union is encouraging the student body to play a more active role in the election process.

“If we could get just 750 students registered and voting we could have a significant impact on our local elections,” said Rochford. “That’s a little over one class of students registered. It’s ambitious, but 25 percent, when you look at the grand scheme of things, is doable.”

She said that voting is an important part of getting students involved in the political system of the local government.

“If students register to vote in University Heights, their opinions will be taken more seriously [in the city],” said Rochford.

Dora Pruce, director of government and community relations for JCU, said that it is very important that students participate in the election process so that JCU can have a stronger voice in the city.

“There are only 10,000 registered voters in University Heights. Only 3,713 people voted in the last municipal election.  We can really have an influence here,” Pruce said.

On Oct. 4, there will be a candidate forum held at 7:30 p.m. in the Jardine Room on campus. The candidates for this year’s city council are Al August, Steven Bennett, Pamela Cameron, Tom Cozzens, Connor McLaughlin, Kevin Murphy, Steven Sims and Adele Zucker.

The deadline to register for this year’s elections is Oct. 11, and only registered students may vote. In order to register, students must fill out the voter registration form that can be found at jcu.edu/civicengagement. This must be turned in directly to Rochford or submitted to the Office of Student Activities.

“We registered 142 new voters in 2009,” said Pruce. “[And] we already have 10 percent of incoming freshmen registered.”

Freshman Holly Veverka just turned 18 in July and is looking forward to practicing her right to vote. “It’s the best thing about being 18,” she said.

For the University Heights elections, the polls for JCU are located in the Gearity Elementary School on 2323 Wrenford Rd East, at the corner of South Belvoir Boulevard and Baintree Road.

In May, I did not go on a fun vacation to Central America. I went on one of JCU’s six summer Immersion Experiences, and it changed my life.

I could never hope to put my entire trip into print – The Carroll News just doesn’t have that kind of a budget. But, one of the most important parts of an Immersion trip is sharing your experience once you get home, so here it goes:

On June 26, I was frolicking through the meadows with my fellow trip-mates at Ledges State Park, just south of JCU. We had done the preparation and were a very excited contingent. By this point, the rhetoric had worn on us: “It will change your life, you won’t want to ever go back home, you’ll fall in love with the kids, et cetera et cetera.” Ok, we’re ready. Let us go.

We weren’t ready.

Our plane touched down in San Salvador by sunset the next day. We had officially left our suburban University Heights bubble in the dust. Air conditioning was now a fabled memory; toilets that flush toilet paper, a tall-tale. In short, Uncle Sam bid us an anxious farewell as we crossed into the part of this globe that it seems may have been forgotten by all but Coca-Cola and the few God-sent missionaries that visit every year.

Our goal for the week: change the lives of some Salvadoran school kids. The result: some Salvadoran school kids changed our lives instead. We went down with the intention of teaching the kids English so they could compete in the Americanized global market, but it was definitely a learning experience for both them and us.

The rest of this column is intended for a mature audience only. It’s an R-rated story, but it’s everyday life for the amazing people of El Salvador. For me, the real eye-opener that they promise in the Immersion flyers happened the same day as the aforementioned adventures on the mountain and in the bed of the pickup truck. We were living the tropical dream, completely oblivious to the real world that we were about to experience.

Our truck rumbled down a dirt road that would eventually shake even a monster truck to pieces. Barbed wire lined the road. One bump after the next brought us slowly to the most destitute town I could ever imagine: Rigadillo. If El Salvador is a mostly forgotten little country, then Rigadillo is barely a dot on the maps.

We had the honor to see one man’s house, a one-room mud-stick shanty with the luxurious addition of a tin roof. The newest installation was electricity, which came to the town in 2009 and powered a refrigerator and two incandescent bulbs in this man’s house. Lying on the dirt floor was a chick in its final days of life and an emaciated puppy staring into our eyes with a heart-wrenching look of despair. The walls were bed sheets. The closet was a wet cardboard box. And the owner was a proud man.

The people of this town were so welcoming. They lived on $6 a day and were eager to prepare us a full three-course meal (the likes of which they had probably never enjoyed). What a beautiful thing to experience.

What’s more, we experienced this welcoming attitude throughout the rest of our time in El Salvador as well. It was truly a humbling time for me, as an American who has lived the most comfortable life.

When I got back, I took my sister to Rita’s Italian Ice and we both ordered a medium ice. I paid $6.50 without thinking twice. Then I remembered the people in Rigadillo, living on $6 a day. Wow. I just spent someone’s full day’s budget on custard. So let me ask you: What does $6 mean to you?

According to JCU Vice President and Executive Assistant to the President John Smith, after they have finished grading the Hamlin Quad, all that is left to do is install the surface lot on the old Bohannon site and add the finishing touches to the quad.

“A bio-retention basin will be installed adjacent to the paved area to absorb and filter the storm water runoff; a sidewalk with benches and LED lighting will be installed to frame the new quad; and irrigation will be added to the new athletic field before the new sod is installed,” Smith said.

Since the project commenced last summer with the re-greening of the Hamlin Quad, it has cost a total of $2.5 million and was funded entirely through gifts made for the renovations, and did not come from the University’s budget.

Smith said that everything has gone according to plan, and there have been no major delays.

“The contractor has been quite efficient in working on multiple aspects of the project.”

By the time the project is complete, the campus will offer a much more welcoming environment, said Smith.

“We will have 330 parking spaces, better storm water runoff and retention via the bio-retention basin and rain garden, a natural turf regulation soccer and lacrosse field with good drainage, as well as a beautiful green space in the center of campus. [Also], the new sidewalk will be ADA accessible and create a more direct path between Dolan and the Recplex.”

In addition to providing JCU with a more beautiful and useful campus, the Bohannon project has been a green initiative for the University, and stringent recycling measures were taken throughout. “The demolition of the building took longer than expected because we separated most of the materials to allow for additional recycling,” said Smith.

However, this time will be made up because they are crushing the concrete, mixing it with soil and using it as backfill for the new parking lot, eliminating much of the dump truck traffic that would have been used to get rid of the demolition debris and bring in more fill.

Now that the Bohannon Center is gone, the portrait of James Bohannon hangs in the Grasselli Library. Last fall, there was a program commemorating his gift, during which three of his granddaughters shared their memories of him, and psychology professor Helen Murphy was the principal speaker.

To further commemorate the Bohannon Center this summer, there was a limited opportunity to request bricks from the building. This was coordinated by Donor Relations and Stewardship Coordinator Christine Anderson, and 100 bricks were offered.

Although many upperclassmen have had to temporarily park their cars at Target while the parking lot is being prepared, Smith said that everyone has been very cooperative throughout the project.

According to Smith, “We have received excellent cooperation from Mayor Susan Infeld and the City Administration. And the campus community has been wonderful. Many of us have enjoyed watching the progress and a number of people have commented on the change in light and sense of space with Bohannon down.”

Council will invite representatives from the companies that sold the lighting and audio equipment to the University for Shula Stadium to its next meeting on Monday, Sept. 19.

“I think council merely just wants them to come and explain to them what the latest science is,” UH Mayor Susan Infeld said at the meeting.

Council was not satisfied with a presentation given by Paul Turner, an electrical engineer used by the City to conduct tests ensuring that the University was in compliance with the usage of its lights.

The Sept. 19 meeting will be the seventh time the issue has been presented before the City in some capacity. JCU originally made its presentation to City Council in June. City Council then referred the issue to itself in two Committee of the Whole work sessions held in July. At the second session, Council voted to refer the issue to the City’s Planning Commission.

The Planning Commission agreed to a compromise with the University for stadium usage, with lights, to end at 10:30 p.m., up from the current time of 9 p.m., but down from the 11 p.m. time JCU originally wanted.

Maria Alfaro-Lopez, the University’s general counsel, sent a letter to Infeld, dated May 24, detailing the University’s request regarding usage of Shula Stadium. JCU requested use of the stadium, with lights, for club sport practices and intramurals until 11 p.m. and expanded use of the stadium for more athletic contests at night, including JCU and high school contests. The athletic contests at night would require the use of the stadium’s sound system.

“The fact remains that our futures are interdependent, and effective stakeholder collaboration is key to the future of our respective communities,” Alfaro-Lopez wrote. “We consider ourselves fortunate to have responsible and thoughtful leaders in the City and at the University who recognize this reality and the need to balance the various interests and concerns. Events at Shula Stadium can be mutually beneficial to the City and the University, while showcasing high school athletes to the community.”

Infeld also received a letter from Daniel Dutcher, the NCAA’s vice-president for Division III, in support of the University’s requests.

“I respectfully encourage the Planning Commission to look favorably on John Carroll’s request for more flexibility in the use of its stadium, similar to the flexibility afforded to peer institutions locally and throughout Division III,” he said.

He referenced in his letter an understanding that local peer institutions such as Baldwin-Wallace College, Wittenberg University and Case Western Reserve University operate their athletic field “with much greater flexibility in terms of their use of lights, sound systems and usage in general.”

Residents living near the University, on Claver Road and Washington Boulevard, have voiced concerns about the current use of the stadium, as well as the proposed changes.

“We’re really kind of ticked off about it because something’s going to have to be done,” said Mary Thelen, a resident of Washington Boulevard. “The only real problem we have with the house is the lights. The lights are horrendous.”

Many of the residents that live near Shula Stadium were in attendance at Tuesday night’s meeting. One resident presented a petition of signatures in support of the current restrictions placed on the stadium.

For the most part, according to Infeld, many UH residents are behind the University. Residents that do not live near the stadium have expressed their opinions to Infeld at numerous summer block parties.

“Overwhelmingly, I have heard feedback in the community that [it] supports the University’s use of the fields,” Infeld said.

Marcia Elbrand, a University Heights resident who lives on Claver Road, said, “One of the reasons that we purchased this home in this neighborhood was because of its proximity to John Carroll. We thought that that would more or less guarantee that the neighborhood would continue to attract people who valued education.”

Councilman Bullock also reminded attendees at the meeting where they live at Tuesday night’s meeting.

“People who choose to live on streets near a college or a university can expect to experience the impact of campus life,” he said. “A college or university that exists within an area surrounded by people – residential or commercial – can expect to be impacted by the needs and wishes of the people who live and work nearby.”

Through the athletes’ eyes

While other universities enjoy the luxury of creating their own rules for stadium usage, JCU does not have that option. Landlocked in the middle of suburban University Heights, every corner of the University is nestled in the heart of its surrounding neighborhoods, including the Don Shula Stadium.

Tensions have been high between the City and the University, as JCU has recently petitioned for extended usage of Shula Stadium.

The student-athletes and coaches would love the opportunity to play more night games, as they feel it would create a more collegiate game day atmosphere.

Malisheski said, “It [playing at night] gives it more of a college football game experience.”

Scafe also wants to take advantage of the new facilities on a more frequent basis. “Extended use would really help student use. It really restricts us; we’re so limited so we really need to use it more,” he said.

He expressed his concern that as a landlocked campus, the University just doesn’t have enough space for equal practice time and game time at Shula Stadium.

Although he would like to have unrestricted use of the Stadium, Scafe feels that extending the usage privileges until 10:30 p.m. is still a fair agreement.

“I can understand the neighbors’ point of view – we are where we are, and if we could come to some compromise it would be better for everybody,” he said. “We were pushing for 11 or 11:30, but I think 10:30 is fair.”

Scafe believes that once completed the addition of regulation practice fields on the Hamlin Quad will alleviate some of the current space constraints of the facilities. He said this will allow teams to use on campus alternatives if another team is using the fields at Shula Stadium.

A new track and field

Despite the controversy, many students and coaches are excited to practice and play on the recently installed track and field surfaces.

“Hallelujah! It’s great having a track that we can actually get some work done on,” said assistant track and field coach Elmore Banton. “Hopefully it’ll cut down on injuries.”

Sophomore distance runner Chuck Mulé agreed. “The old track was pretty beaten up. The new surface will be easier on our legs for workouts.”

Head track and field coach Dara Ford is happy that JCU can now host home meets. “We’re very happy with the outcome. We have everything we need to host a conference championship. [The new track] allows us to showcase our talents in front of the home crowd,” she said.

Ford also noted that the track is the same surface that the Olympic trials were run on.

Head football coach Regis Scafe is excited about the new field too. “Everyone likes it,” he said. “At first we thought it would be soft, but we got some practice on it last week, and the kids seem to like it.”

Like the track, he felt that the field was in bad shape and should have been replaced two or three years ago. He noted that every year they would repair damages just enough to keep playing, but it’s much safer for the athletes now that the entire field has been replaced.

The athletes are also looking forward to using the brand new facilities.

Mike Malisheski, a junior punter for the football team, is in his third year on the Blue Streak football team, and has already noticed a difference in the practice surface. “[The new field] is at least 10 times better. It’s a lot softer than we anticipated, but it’s like a new pair of cleats – you just have to break it in.”

Long snapper Jake Eddingfield said, “I can’t wait until the lights light up the Streak in the middle of the field.”

First and foremost, I would like to thank the professors of this fine Jesuit university for their ardent dedication to our success as students. Despite what ratemyprofessor.com may say, we are very appreciative of all of the hard work you do for us. (And don’t worry—if there’s not a chili pepper next to your name, I’m sure someone somewhere finds you beautiful, just not your students.)

So, professors, this is your guide to being the teacher that all of the students request even though no one is really interested in the class you’re teaching. This is more or less of a role-reversal, so step into the shoes of a student again and let me be your academic advisor for the next 300 words.

The semester breaks down well into three parts: Syllabus week, midterms, and finals. Each chapter has its own roller coaster of emotions, trials and tribulations, but hopefully this perspective will hit on all the major points.

Let’s talk about syllabus week first. Sure, it’s important to let everyone know that you are the school’s hardest professor, and instill the fear of God into all students with your GPA-threatening admonitions that if they miss even one class, the helmsman of academia (known affectionately to us as the Rev. Robert Niehoff, S.J.) will personally smite them. But it’s also important to remind your students that you are a person too, not just their evil administrator of scholastic doom.

The structure of your class is also very important. Nobody likes 8 a.m. classes. So if you’re a professor who has landed one of these gems, be accommodating to your students. Instead of focusing on silly things like your curriculum and passing out assignments, pass out pillows—this will earn you major brownie points with the late-night studiers.

Next, we should address the concept of homework. While this is a fabulous idea for high-schoolers who live far from their school, it’s quite simply a paradox for the average college student. Homework literally means work to be done at home. And since most of us students call JCU our home, any work we do here (including class work) should be counted as homework. Case closed.

After syllabus week, the next big week is midterms. Midterms are to a semester as Wednesday is to a week. They are the proverbial “hump day” of the academic session and should be seen as such. Many of you have found that a good way to celebrate midterms is with an exam that evaluates whether we are on par with the material at the halfway mark in the semester.

While I suppose this is a fair assessment of our tangible knowledge, tests just aren’t fun. And don’t you want to be a fun professor? After all, you can’t spell assessment without “asses.” So why not play pin the tail on the donkey instead?

The final part of the semester could either be your grand finale or your ultimate demise. Finals week will define you as a professor. Since this is the fall semester, finals happens to fall a week before Christmas.

Now, I understand that if you were generous enough to exclude a midterm exam, you are obligated to give a final exam. But in honor of the holiday season, here are some tips on making your tests more season-appropriate: print them on evergreen—bordered stationary; pass out candy canes with the tests; and most importantly, don’t follow any advice I have given in this column. Because honestly, professors, we’ll either love you or hate you; but we’ll be the ones to make that decision. Now can I have an A, please?

But it’s much more than that. And now that the Class of 2011 is graduating, I am really starting to appreciate friendship on a whole new level.

As much as I’d love to recognize all of my friends who have made an impact on me, I just don’t have the space on the page to list all of them.

So instead, I would like to dedicate this week to recognizing the many benefits of true friendships.

The foremost benefit of friendship is companionship. It’s a crazy world, but having someone there to go through it with you is always comforting.

There is a common misconception that a good friend will help you make the right choice. False. A good friend will help you make the fun choice. Sometimes the right choice is boring. You can always ask your academic advisor what the right choice is.

But your friends are the ones who should be telling you that sometimes it’s okay to just let go and see where you land. That’s how we’re meant to live our lives. That’s how new things get discovered. And sometimes that’s how you end up wondering if you’ll be in the Campus Crime Log next Thursday when The Carroll News comes out. See page two. Either way, what a great story for the next morning.

Friends are also the people who won’t stab you in the back, but when necessary, they aren’t afraid to stab you in the front. It might hurt at first, but in the end, you’re better for it. Nobody is perfect, but a good friend will remind you how awesome you are most of the time, and let you know that you’re not so awesome when you decide it would be funny to make a “That’s what she said” joke during your CLC group’s reflection and prayer time.

One of the best parts of friendship is that there always seems to be someone just for you. All you need to do is look in the right place.

Are you the absurdly intelligent, somewhat nerdy, but ultimately loveable type? Guess what—the whole third floor of Campion is dedicated to people like you.

Maybe you’re not so smart, but in place of your brains you have biceps. There is no short supply of jocks, even at our little D3 school.  Of course, not all jocks lack this mental strength. And for you, we have cross country.

Are you a rambunctious freshman who is just trying to find your way through university life by vandalizing property and hiding in secret compartments beneath your bed? That’s what Murphy is for. Embrace the squallor while it lasts.

And if you’re anywhere between these types of people, I’m sure you’ve found your own group of quirky people that you know only you can love. And that’s just part of what makes friendship great.

For me, my friends are everything. When I went on Manresa several weeks ago, I learned what love is. Turns out, I can honestly say that I love my friends.

They are the ones I laugh with, cry with, fight with and love. I would be greedy to ask for too much more.

So with that in mind, as they say in “The Hangover,” go and find your best friend, and give them a best friend hug (if his name happens to be Doug, even better).

So to all of the seniors who are graduating and have shared these experiences with me, thank you. And to all of the incoming freshmen who might be reading this, want to be my friend?

U.S. Africa Command, based out of Stuttgart, Germany, was established as a fully functional command in October of 2008. The command works with 53 African nations to conduct “sustained security engagement through military-to-military programs, military-sponsored activities, and other military operations as directed to promote a stable and secure African environment in support of U.S. foreign policy,” according to its website.

In his position as commander, Ham has been in charge of the recent mission in Libya and oversees all other military operations in Africa. Ham said, “It’s obviously a huge and diverse continent [with] lots of different engagements. Our primary purpose is to help strengthen African militaries so that they become increasingly capable.”

Although the United States military has played a major role in the Libyan conflict, Ham explained that “our focus is much more on preventing conflict than it is being engaged in military operations.”

Before he was named commander in Africa, Ham was stationed in numerous states and countries such as Italy, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Macedonia and Iraq. He also worked to review the impacts of repealing the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy and investigated the 2009 shooting at Fort Hood in Texas.

“I think when tough things come up … the folks who know him put him in there to go ahead [and] bring him to some positive conclusion,” retired Lt. Gen. John Sattler told National Public Radio in March. Sattler served with Ham in Iraq and at the Pentagon.

A “foundational experience”

Ham has been enlisted in the Army since he was commissioned as a second lieutenant in 1976. However, it was at John Carroll that he recognized his true calling as an officer. He said he is a proud alumnus, as JCU was a “foundational experience” for him.

“It was here that I found the three things that are most important in my life,” Ham said. “I found my wife here; she was the head resident of Murphy hall. I found my faith here; I was not raised Catholic, but found that the Catholic faith was right for me. I found, while I knew I liked being a solider, it was really at John Carroll that I learned that serving as an officer was my calling.”

Ham’s experience at JCU was largely influenced by the faculty and staff who are engaged with every student. “You’re not a number here; you’re not just another student. And I think that endures over the many changes that the University goes through.”

He was very happy to return to JCU, and always enjoys seeing how it has grown. “It is a place that has largely shaped who I am today, and so I have appreciated the opportunity to come back over the years and see how it changes and evolves.”

Despite the many changes that the University has gone through, Ham feels that it is still the foundational place where he discovered his three important things in life.

“At its core, John Carroll remains committed to the individual self development of each and every one of its students, and I think that’s what makes John Carroll special and different than many other places.”

‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’

Ham has also been an active advocate for the elimination of the Army’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, which was repealed in December 2010.  In partnership with the Department of Defense’s general counsel, Ham served as the military’s co-chair. According to Ham, this required full-time duty for about 10 months.

“[It was] about a 10-month effort to review the impacts of what repeal of DADT might mean for the military and then to make recommendations to the secretary of defense on the way forward,” said Ham.

According to Ham, this was a practical move for the armed forces more than anything. “I think what we found in large part is that most service members recognize that they are already serving alongside gay and lesbian service members. And in most cases, serving in a unit that has a gay or lesbian service member has no real significant effect on the ability of that organization to accomplish its mission.”

For Ham, the most difficult part of changing this policy was compromising with the people who believed that homosexuality is immoral. They had the task of balancing the religious beliefs of these people with the practicality of allowing gays and lesbians to serve in the army.

“We already accommodate a very wide variety of faiths and beliefs and practices, not all of which everyone agrees with. But what we do agree on is the centrality of accomplishing the mission, which is to protect and defend the nation. And we’re able to do that even while serving alongside people whose beliefs and practices may be different than our own,” said Ham.

Ultimately, Ham feels that this is a positive policy change for the United States’ armed forces, and will prove to be a much more realistic way to allow people of all sexualities to serve their country.

Freedom is not free

In his 35 years of service, he clearly recalls his worst memory. “[In] December of 2004, when I was in Mosul, Iraq, we had a horrific suicide bombing that killed 22. That will always stand out as the single most dreadful day in experience that I have had in uniform.”

But the most rewarding part of his service career has been watching young soldiers develop into mature officers. “Now [I] have the opportunity to see younger officers, younger sergeants that [I] serve with, grow and mature into positions of increasing responsibility and authority.”