You're Wrong, I'm Rafferty : Making commercials a career

First off, I would like to bring attention to the fact that I correctly predicted last week in the CN staff picks that the New York Giants would win the Super Bowl. If you are one of the many people who criticized me for this, I await your apology.

Secondly, I am happy to report that I may have found my true calling in life.  When I grow up, I would like to be the guy who comes up with Super Bowl commercials.  I’m pretty sure this isn’t a real job, but I plan on making it one.

I do have some motifs in my commercials. Each ad involves a milkshake and features a Fred McGriff rookie card.
Anheuser Busch really needs to get the word out about Natural Light.  I feel like a lot of people do not drink it just because they don’t know how good it is.  So here is the ad. Bunch of dudes playing basketball, shirtless, when one team takes a 30 second timeout. 

 This spot would be great for an NBA superstar.  But, because Natty Light  probably has a limited budget, we’re going to need to settle on Ira Newble. So Ira Newble makes it over to the sideline, grabs a milkshake (probably chocolate).  Kevin Bacon comes out of nowhere and says, “No man, don’t drink a milkshake, drink this.”  Bacon then hands him a Natty Light.  He then adds the line, “For athletes, Natty Light is the clear choice.”

Newble then pours the milkshake over Bacon’s head and makes a comment about “Footloose.”
John Carroll could make some moves by throwing out a commercial during the Super Bowl. 

 Here is what I’m thinking.  LeBron James is warming up in Detriot against the Pistons when Kevin Bacon throws a milkshake at him. LeBron goes into the crowd and punches him.  The commercial ends with LeBron in jail, looking into the camera saying, “I wish I went to John Carroll University, I wouldn’t be in jail right now.”
Now a commercial for the award-winning Carroll News. Kevin Bacon runs into me somewhere.  He says, “Hey, are you Andrew Rafferty of the award-winning Carroll News?  Let me buy you a milkshake.”  I decline because I’m watching my figure. He then hands me a Fred McGriff rookie card as a symbol of friendship.

The spot ends with, “Water covers 70 percent of the Earth. We cover everything else.  The Carroll News.”

I was also thinking about making a commercial for You’re Wrong I’m Rafferty. It would feature the student body, reading YWIR in class and rudely laughing in the middle of professor lectures.

Then I would be walking through the basement of the AD building, slapping hands with people, winking, pointing while people yell “loved the column.”  

It ends with a still shot with the phrase, “You’re Wrong, I’m Rafferty; hilarious and even has a point sometimes.”
Sidenote- check out jcunews.com.