I am a writer. I write things down after they’ve been swimming around in my head for awhile. Most of the time, I write for myself to try to find some clarity in my life.
That’s where my fault lies. When I write for myself, I hear it in my own voice. I paint pictures as my own eyes see them. I don’t necessarily realize how they sound to other people.
That’s why I need to clarify my column from last week: “To advise or to be advised.” The topic of that particular column was essentially me coming to terms with my lack of knowledge and wisdom, as well as reflecting on my tendency to give advice instead of taking it. I began writing the column with the intention of giving advice on how to take advice.
I immediately received feedback on my column. Although I was pleased to find out that several people outside of The Carroll News staff do in fact read my column, I also realized that the tone of my previous column was a bit more despairing than I intended.
So, this is the follow-up story addressing some of the concerns that were brought to my attention.
First, let’s start with the facts. I am in the midst of my final semester of college. My mentality towards my schoolwork has changed. Long story short, I’ve got senioritis, and I’ve got it bad.
This is my 16th consecutive year of school. Everyone can appreciate what that much schooling does to a person. To the seniors who are going on to some kind of grad school after this, I sincerely salute you. I couldn’t do it. I’m exhausted.
Furthermore, I really don’t know what’s coming for me after graduation. I have some prospects, but nothing’s written in stone yet. That’s a pretty scary thing to deal with after realizing that there are only about three months of school left.
So, I’m at the point in my life right now where I can’t really answer any questions with absolute certainty. I don’t like to ask for help a lot. But really, I would love any and all advice right now.
I said all of that in my column last week. The part that I failed to mention, though, is that I’m okay with being lost right now. I’m actually really happy with my life at the present moment. Terrified, yes – but also very happy.
From my family, to my friends, to my boyfriend and even to my professors, my support system has never been stronger than it is right now. I know that’s such a typical Academy Award speech thing to say, but it’s true. All of these people continually help me to realize the accomplishments I’ve achieved in the past four years.
Even with my incredible support system, I’m still lost. There are so many different directions that I could take right now, and I haven’t the slightest idea about which direction is the best one. I imagine my future in so many different ways, but I also always keep in mind the lesson from another of my previous columns: that your fantasy doesn’t always match up to reality.
At this point in my life, though, being lost is pretty typical. It’s also pretty typical for me to come to terms with my lack of wisdom. I’m not degrading myself when I say that I really don’t know anything. I’m just opening myself up to pieces of wisdom from those who have been in my shoes before.
So, I’m pretty exhilarated about being lost. There are so many wonderful possibilities that I know my fears and doubts are temporary, and truly the best is yet to come.