Fantasy Football

September 25th, 2014


Is there anything in this world that brings as much joy and as much pain as fantasy football?


Everybody plays. Everybody loves it. Everybody hates it.


I’m one of those people. Every year, I decide, once again, that I’ll jump on this roller-coaster ride because I think this is the year. I know these players better than anybody. I’ve got the perfect draft strategy. My opponents will not know what hit them.


Then, the season starts and everything I once thought I knew goes to dust.


There’s suspensions and injuries and every player you thought you could count on drops the ball.


I’m in six leagues. It sounds like a lot because it is. It’s so much to keep track of. But, I’m addicted, and I keep track of every team to a T.


Naturally, that doesn’t change anything, as I’m still 0-3 in one league and 3-0 in another. The rest are a mix of beautiful and disgusting which range from week to week.


Since I’m in so many leagues, I have a lot of players to keep track of, which inevitably leads to being crushed by every injury and every suspension.


I had Ray Rice in one of those leagues. I promptly picked up Justin Forsett only to have Bernard Pierce and Lorenzo Taliaferro take the majority of snaps because nice things don’t happen in fantasy football.


Adrian Peterson? He was my number one pick in one of my leagues. I needed to pick up a running back. So instead of getting Matt Asiata, I went after Bobby Rainey and had my dreams crushed as he fumbled twice on Thursday Night Football.


But, alas, there is still hope. I’ve still got my favorite new receiver, the Eagles’ Jeremy Maclin, in multiple leagues. I’ve still got Jimmy Graham in multiple leagues. I’ve even got Le’Veon Bell in multiple leagues, on his way to becoming one of the best running backs in the league.


And then there’s my secret weapon. In four out of my six leagues, I’m hoarding Josh Gordon. He’s going to explode when he returns. As long as I can hang around, he could put me over the top.


At least, that’s what I’m expecting to happen.


Actually no, not expecting – hoping.


And now that I think about it, since I hope that it’s going to happen, and because it’s fantasy football, there’s about a 100 percent chance he doesn’t even play.


I hate fantasy football.


I love fantasy football.


Matthew Berry has his own show on ESPN based completely on predicting fantasy football.


I don’t know how he does it.


I’d lose my mind.


And yet, I’m still going to play fantasy sports for the rest of my life.