February 19th, 2014


Pitchfork has this video series called “Over/Under” in which they interview different musical artists and ask them if they think certain things are over or underrated. They’ve been asked to rate a multitude of things from donut holes (which Vampire Weekend thinks are underrated) to Billy Crystal (who Danny Brown thinks is overrated, but only once he realizes that Bill Murray and Billy Crystal are different people) to expensive soap (which the Arctic Monkeys deem overrated because “at the end of the day you can’t beat a Dove bar”).


I’m sure you can see where this is going. I’ve written my own Over/Under column. It’s totally biased and  wouldn’t be considered good journalism by anyone in the field, but lucky for me, column writing is a different kind of journalism.


First order of business: putting bacon in everything. Bacon in everything is totally overrated. I don’t know when this trend started, but it needs to stop. All this bacon-filled novelty food nonsense is ruining the purity of one of the most delicious foods of all time. Stop putting it in cupcakes. Stop putting it in chocolate. Just fry it up and eat it straight from the pan like people have been doing for hundreds of years.


Hardwood floors. Totally underrated. I’ve lived in a house with hardwood floors for my entire life and they’re awesome. Carpet is annoying to clean, annoying to replace and overall just not ideal. Linoleum is just not as beautiful. Hardwood floors look classy and are fun. You can’t slide around in your socks on carpet. Definitely underrated.


Yoga pants as outerwear are overrated. Wear ‘em in your house if you want, but when you’re out in public put some real pants on, ladies. I know they’re comfy and every guy in the world loves them (don’t even get me started on that), but they’re not pants.


First dates are also overrated. Not that a first date isn’t nice, but putting emphasis on the first date just causes so much pressure. If there’s that much pressure placed on people to have a good time on their first date, how can it be any fun? Unless you’re really comfortable with the person you’re going on a date with, most first dates are just a tad bit awkward. If the first date wasn’t overemphasized so much everyone would be a lot happier.


I’m on the fence about electric toothbrushes. I had one for a while and it was nice, but then the battery ran out and I never replaced it, so I’m tempted to say that my gut feeling is that they’re overrated. But man, do they get your teeth clean. They also require a lot less effort than a common toothbrush. So, underrated. Electric toothbrushes deserve some love.


High school is overrated (I could be projecting some prior bias onto that one though, but this whole column is biased, so I’m not too worried). It’s cool while you’re in it, but it’s four years of being a teenager and I doubt that when you’re 67 you’re really going to be thinking about how sick high school was. College, maybe. High school, maybe not.


The United States Postal Service is grossly underrated. Mostly because I feel bad for them because they have no money. But also they deliver the mail six days a week no matter the weather. In comparison to other government agencies, they are without a doubt underrated.


E-readers. Definitely overrated. Definitely enrage me. “This reads just like a book!” You know what else reads like a book? A book. I don’t have as much of a problem with tablets; I think they’re appropriately rated. They’re nicer to tote around than computers and they’re not solely made for the purpose of reading, so I can deal with them.


Classical music is underrated by the majority of our generation, appropriately rated by previous generations. Classical music is beautiful and I think a lot of people think that it’s irrelevant these days, or that people have just stopped making it. They haven’t. People like Max Richter (no relation) and Jóhann Jóhannsson are still composing. Richter just rewrote Vivaldi’s “Four Seasons” and it’s beautiful. These artists, as well as traditional classical composers, deserve more of a rating than us kids are giving them.


Disney’s “Robin Hood” is definitely underrated. It is without a doubt one of the best movies Disney ever made. And Roger Miller wrote several of the songs in it, so that’s just a bonus and another reason it should get some more appreciation.


Horses are overrated by people who don’t have them. They’re a lot of work and they’re really expensive, but you can also ride them, so that’s cool. People who own horses know how to appropriately rate them.


This column, totally underrated. The entire campus should be reading it. Just kidding, only read it if you want to. I don’t want to force anyone to do anything. But seriously, go send someone a letter, burn your yoga pants and read my column.