Before you read this article and if you are of age, you should throw back a few shots. I mean it. Heck, I just did! I mean, why not? Ladies, pick up your favorite sweet, syrupy fruit-flavored Vodka and down it. Men, go get your classiest Natural Light lager and drink it like you were Moses wandering through the desert begging for a beverage. I know, it’s a weeknight, but hey! There are about 4,000 people at John Carroll, and it has to be someone’s 21st birthday! If people aren’t going to live their lives, then you should do it for them!
The legendary theologian, philanthropist and human biology scholar Ke$ha (you know, that girl who brushes her teeth with Jack, her favorite brand of sour mash Tennessee whiskey) once said, “Let’s make the most of the night like we’re going to die young!” Her words are inspiring, right? They remind me of the great leaders of our time (Gahndi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Mother Theresa, etc.).
Life is a party. It’s a pretty good excuse to get “shlammered” you know? (It’s okay if you don’t know. I don’t think “shlammered” is a real word.)
So cheers, John Carroll! Let’s drink martinis until we hit the floor! Let’s go find some booty with Captain Morgan! Turn up the jams with the red rocker Sammy Hagar as we drink loads of Cabo Wabo! Join the crooners like Dean Martin with a glass of scotch! I personally would love to drink brandy after making a giant slip and slide in Bernet Hall! What could go wrong?
A lot could go wrong.
Let’s face it. College can create alcoholics. This is where it happens. Freshman year, everyone was just being silly. Then, sophomore year, drinking was fun, but it didn’t have the same flair. Junior year, some people began to drink more casually, others continued to get wrecked. Then, come senior year, a select few live and die by the weekends, thirsting for the opportunity to drink. What happens next year? Then the next year?
Hold on a second … this commentary is getting way too preachy. I think everyone gets my point: Live a fun and balanced life. Be reflective on who you are, what you want to be, and how best to live your life. Think more like Tim McGraw’s “Live Like You Were Dying” rather than Ke$ha’s “Die Young.”
Now it’s time for a funny story:
So there I was, in Walt Disney World, on July 20. Everyone in my family was excited; it was my 21st birthday. The plan was simple: I was going to have a drink in every country of Epcot. Epcot has 12 countries, and I was ready to conquer. Not to mention my last name, Sciarappa, means “a variant spelling of Italian Sciarabba, from Sicilian Sciarabba ‘wine,’ from Arabic šarab ‘potion,’ or ‘wine.’” That’s right. My last name means that I am a heavy drinker. My family’s tradition says that if you were called a Sciarappa in some parts of southern Italy, that meant you were a drunkard. Anyway, Disney was about to be a whole new kind of magical.
I started off with a Guinness in Ireland. I then progressed to a merlot in France, Grappa in Italy, and then came Tequila in Mexico. At this point, I was feeling fairly “shlammered.” My mother advised me to stop, and like the good boy that I was, I did, in fact, stop. By the time I was on the infamous ride, “It’s a small world,” I had gone too far.
I sure was happy I had an undershirt in the 90 degree heat. It worked well as a bag to catch my sickness. Gross, right? Yeah. That was my pathetic version of Kesha’s dying young on my birthday. It was yucky.
As for me, having a drink at the bar with a great friend is doing college right. It’s doing life right. I think I’ll stick to that.