WWCD, or ‘Do as I say, not as I do’

September 13th, 2012

Remember the WWJD craze that tried to make us all better people? Maybe it did. Did anyone ever do a scientific study on that? I would like to see the results of that research.

Well, in light of the days of WWJD, I am starting a new craze. The WWCD craze. That’s right. “What would Clara do?” I know that it is a question we ask ourselves every day, so now I’m going to give you some answers.

Mind you, “What would Clara do?” works a little bit differently than WWJD (mostly because, well, I’m not Jesus). When you’re in a situation which has the potential to become awkward or embarrassing, ask yourself “What would Clara do?” and then do the the exact opposite of whatever you think I would do in that situation.

Here are some examples of situations in which asking yourself what I would do might help you avoid doing something potentially asinine, idiotic or embarrassing to demonstrate the “What would Clara do?” method.

Say you’re in the cafeteria and you think to yourself, “Perhaps I shall go get myself a piece of fruit. Maybe a nice apple or banana.” However, the fruit, as a sort of sick joke, is placed directly next to the desserts. You know you should eat a piece of fruit, but there are brownies, and you do love brownies. Here is an example of a situation in which the “What would Clara do?” method is vital.

Before you start to load your plate with delicious chocolatey baked goods, pause and ask yourself, “What would Clara do?” Clara would most definitely eat two or more brownies, which means that you should most definitely eat a piece of fruit, which will leave you feeling good about yourself and will leave more brownies for Clara (please excuse my use of the third person).

Let’s explore another situation, shall we? You’re walking past a group of total strangers and they are all posing for a nice picture. Possibly a family portrait that they hope to hang over their fireplace. They don’t know you’re there, offering you the perfect opportunity to photo-bomb the CUSS out of that picture.

However, before you stick your grinning mug inconspicuously into the background, take a moment to ask yourself that vital question, “What would Clara do?” Clara would obviously love the opportunity to have herself immortalized in some total stranger’s family picture, so you should obviously forget that idea altogether. Scorn it, in fact. Do not, I repeat, do not pull a nasty face and ruin the photo for all eternity.

Throughout the course of life, one is confronted with many awkward situations, but these awkward situations can be easily avoided by just stopping, assessing the situation and asking yourself the ever-important question, “What would Clara do?”

After a while, you won’t even have to ask yourself that question. Stopping and thinking about whatever thing it is that might be awkward for you will just become second nature, and you won’t even have to employ the “What would Clara do?” method anymore.

That’s fine. Don’t feel bad. It’s a good thing if you no longer have to interrogate yourself about my choices, because that means you’re learning. That means you’re making progress. And progress is good.

I humbly admit that the “What would Clara do?” method isn’t entirely fool-proof. It really only works to avoid awkward or embarrassing situations. If you find yourself in a situation where you are given an opportunity to be kind to a fellow human being, always err on the side of kindness, regardless of whether or not that’s what you think Clara would do.

Don’t let “What would Clara do?” become a crutch in any way. Furthermore, don’t let it turn you into a robot that has to stop and think before you do absolutely anything. Although everyone should always employ a little bit of the age-old adage, “Think before you speak,” you should also always be aware of the beauty of a healthy amount of spontaneity.

Think of it as a sort of medication. Just enough in the right situations, and it can help you; but too much in any given situation, and it can hinder you.

Any other time, feel free to ask Jesus what he would do, but when it comes to the avoidance of awkward situations and embarrassing mishaps, leave it to the expert – Clara.

Maybe I should start taking my own advice…