A portrait of the author as a young man

September 13th, 2012

I feel as though I should introduce myself. My name is Nicholas Sciarappa, and I am so very good looking. I play the drums for Carly Rae Jepson, I am a world renowned calligraphy artist and I’m Bobby Flay’s sous chef at his world famous Las Vegas restaurant, Mesa Grill.

I have voted for every winning president to run for office, starting with Reagan, of course. It’s also important to note that I am a “Cath-o-holic,” an Italian and did I mention that, when I smile, the sun gets jealous of the beautiful radiant light that gleams from my pearly white teeth? Yes, it has been said before (on an hourly basis) that I resemble Brad Pitt, George Clooney and that dude from Twilight (you know, the attractive one, with the hair, eyes and face; you know, the one that the girls drool over. Yeah, that one.) What I’m trying to get across to my readers today, is that I, Nick Sciarappa, am 100 percent of your daily recommended dose of single, suave and delicious manliness.

I like to sing too! My voice has been compared to the choirs of saints and angels in heaven, Meat Loaf and Michael Bolton, all comfortably combined together. I’m pretty athletic, too. I’m into Parkour, having scaled the Grasselli Tower of John Carroll (yes, the “clock tower” has a name). You could say I’m an okay guy.

I know the obvious question racing through your head now, as you read this: “Nick, how on earth are you still single?” I know, I know; I’ve pondered that myself.

People say I’m picky, but I would disagree. I have only two things I’m looking for in a girl (Girls, take out your notes, this is good stuff).

Number one: I like Catholic girls. What does that mean? Jesus didn’t want people to be “good people.” Everyone wants to be a good person, and that’s good. I do not mean to patronize people who are content with being “good.” I would, however, make the claim that being a disciple is so much more attractive to me than just being a good person.  A disciple loves in a radical way. She believes in a right and a wrong, and is actively in the pursuit of figuring out which is which. A disciple tries her hardest to be the best “her” she can be every day of her life. No, that does not mean that she is perfect; far from it. A disciple knows she has flaws, flaws that harm her livelihood, but does not fear to fight them. Most importantly, a disciple wills the good of another because she recognizes that is where true Disney World “butterflies in the stomach” love is found.

Number two: She has to think I’m totally “freakin’” sweet, but want me to be even more awesome. She has to love me for my natural talents (singing like Bolton) but want me to push for more (having soul like Marvin Gaye). She should drool over my good looks (Twilight dude), but tell me to get a better haircut (anything but Trump).

Essentially, she should help me become the best “me” I can be, as I reciprocate that love back to her.

Picky? I don’t think so. If my girl has those qualities, I’d be fine if she was a scuba-diving, philatelic astrophysicist. I could learn to love any of her interests and hobbies.

So, future girlfriend (who my parents are not paying to date me), as you look deep into the eyes of the black and white picture of me right above this article, know that I’m searching for you too.