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Not another Greek column…

April 19th, 2012

It’s that time of year again at JCU – the week that everyone looks forward to with puppy dog-like enthusiasm and spends weeks preparing for. That’s right, I’m talking about National Osteopathic Medicine Week.

Of course, everyone on campus is very excited to recognize the 78,000 osteopathic physicians in the United States and celebrate an industry that is 138 years old in this great country.

However, I feel that in all of the hype about bone-doctors this week, many students might completely miss another week that deserves some recognition: Greek Week.

I know what you’re thinking – Brian, why would you try to detract from osteopathic medicine awareness to highlight an organization that you aren’t even a part of?

Well, as some may recall, earlier this year I was in search of an older sister, and I turned to Greek life for the answer. Since that column was printed, I have made groundbreaking strides to expand my knowledge of the Greek culture at JCU, and I must admit, it’s growing on me.

I still don’t have an older sister, but after having attended the Kappa Delta formal, I feel that I am getting closer! (Though, it would have been nice if someone had told me not to wear a toga; that was totes awkward, but hey I’m still learning.) So I think it’s only fair that I give these proud student orgs a little (more) press time.

As an aspiring investigative journalist, I tried my best to do some research on what Greek Week is all about; but after bursting into the Murphy Room during a Beta Theta Pi lip sync practice, I quickly learned, as 30 glaring men in blue and pink scorned drop-jawed at my intrusion, that the secrets of the Greeks are under lock and key until they are ready to release them to their eager public.

So the following is an outsider’s perspective on the magic of this special week. For those of you who are as naïve as I once was about the ways of the Greek, let me give you a brief run down.

Although each Greek organization has stereotypes associated with them (bros, gold-diggers, etc.), Greek Week is a chance for them to put these passive aggressive hostilities aside and engage in full-on combat with each other.

I’m sure you have seen these battles taking place on the Quad and in the pool throughout the week. Personally, I find this fascinating.

It is my understanding that this year at JCU, these pseudo-Olympic competitions have a 90s Nickelodeon theme, aptly named Greekelodeon.

This is fantastic. I mean, how cool would it be if the real Olympics had a theme that reflected back to our childhood? Think about it – representing Jamaica, Usain Bolt rolls up to the line in his sporty Rocket Power jersey to face off against his international opponents wearing their Reptar-green and Spongebob-yellow jerseys. Naturally, in honor of Slime Time Live, the winners will get slimed rather than receiving their gold, silver and bronze. I might actually watch.

Alas, the real world has much to learn from the Pan-Hellenic and Interfraternity Councils.

The week then culminates in Lip Sync, the most famous competition of them all. I will never forget my first exposure to this strange ritual, during my freshman year. I was doing my homework in my room when my enthusiastic SigEp roommate came in, eyes aglow, and showed me his rendition of the Mean Girls Jingle Bell Rock, double-thigh slaps and all, that they would be performing at the show. Although his red glitter skirt and midriff cotton fringe tank top vest wasn’t the most flattering costume I have seen, this was my first impression of Lip Sync.

However, it’s much more than cross-dressing frat boys dancing to Christmas carols from Mean Girls… they have Transformers too.

So once each chapter has showcased their talent and creativity, the Greek gods convene on Olympus (I think) to determine which groups will be named best sorority and fraternity.

It is also my understanding that with this proud title, the winning organizations have the esteemed privilege to not only paint the stone lion head outside of Pacelli, but to import and paint an actual lion that protects the lion head from the other envious Greek organizations who did not win (Good luck painting it now, SigEp).

Lastly, all you Greek organizations should know that I will also be evaluating the different chapters this week and determining who is the peak of the Greek, so don’t let me catch you being Greek weak.

Oh, and don’t forget to recognize your local physicians of osteopathic medicine too.