Nice guy syndrome

February 9th, 2012

If you don’t know how you got home from the last party you went to, chances are it was a nice guy who helped you stumble down the sidewalk and took measures to prevent you from drowning in your own vomit while you slept.

Though nice guys are everywhere, few people understand their way of life, their motivations and, most significantly, their fallability. Most of the people who know me well will attest that I am a bonified nice guy and as such I am one who understands all of these things and I find it important to enlighten the world to these facts.

Nice guys become such, usually, as a product of both nature and nurture. They are usually slightly more emotional than normal men, but not in an effeminate way. It isn’t always a conscious choice to become a nice guy; their natural disposition usually leads them that way. Nice guys are nice because it is right. Often, they just logically don’t see any reason to not be nice or they are nice simply because they want to be.

Typically, they have many friends. Naturally you’d want to be friends with a nice guy because he’ll come through in a pinch if you need him. Plus, he’s a pleasant character. Because he’s so nice, people will often return the niceness to the nice guy and give him free food, free drink or offer any service they are capable of to this nice guy at any time. But, because he’s so nice, rarely will he take advantage of these offers.

Being a nice guy sounds pretty awesome doesn’t it? It appears that there are unlimited karma points and benefits. Be wary though, nice guys all are affected by nice guy syndrome. It is a disease. Sometimes you get special treatment because of it, but very often it is unavoidably painful.

I’m positive you have a nice guy friend. He listens to your life problems, will go out of his way to help you and makes sure you don’t get roofied. He genuinely cares for your well-being. Unless he is in a long-term relationship, he probably goes home alone every night. Because of his high moral code, he will rarely pursue any hook-ups. The frustrating part about this is that there is a wealth of irreverent tools who are not suffering from the same absense of after-hours company. The nice guy is, in fact, too nice. It is assertiveness he lacks. He is told he is the marrying type and to give girls time to mature. Sometimes he is forced to be older and more mature than he wants to be. But, he will rarely tell you of his displeasure because he doesn’t want to drag you down with his problems.

Nice guys fear making others feel bad and they will often gladly suffer if it means others will not.

The baseline behavior level for nice guys is much higher than that of the normal person. Thus, they are held to a higher standard. Just like you inevitably have a nice guy friend, you inevitably have a jerk friend. Because it is understood that he is a jerk, his jerk-like behavior is accepted as his normal state of being and he is allowed to go about his jerkish business without question. If, however, your nice guy friend was to behave momentarily like the jerk normally acts, it would be frowned upon.

Nice guys are human though, and occasionally a situation comes up where they have to make someone feel bad. It is indescribable how much it probably pains them. It is a fundamental principle of their life philosophy to not always do what’s easy, but do what is necessary. You should trust that the nice guy is doing what his judgment has determined will be best in the long run.

You may be reading this wondering why all of this matters? If you haven’t already, you are bound to encounter a nice guy sooner or later. At some point, he is probably going to break down from the pressures of trying to be constantly diplomatic and make everyone happy. It will be overwhelmingly frustrating when his efforts will inevitably fail occasionally. The nice guy can do a lot for you without asking anything in return. All he could hope for is that you are understanding when his humanity shows.

Perhaps you are now inspired to be a nice guy. It has its ups and downs. But, ultimately you will feel satified and be able to sleep better at night. Even if it is alone.