‘Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show’ resolution

November 17th, 2011

Ladies, drop the Einstein’s bagels and pick up a celery stick, CBS’ Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is now less than three weeks away, which means the heavy workout sessions begin right about now.

Only kidding.

The much-anticipated bra and panties runway show premieres on Tuesday Nov. 28, and needless to say, it’s going to have me thinking twice about grabbing that extra helping of stuffing next Thursday at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Unfortunately, I am one of those girls who has watched the fashion show every year, incredibly envious of those super long legs, curly hair and—who could leave out—those obnoxiously beautiful angel wings. While I’m embarrassed to admit that for the past two years I’ve watched the show while running on a treadmill in the Corbo Room, because of the workout I always felt a little better about myself after the last angel had walked down the runway. Sad? Yes. I’m completely aware of that. This is why I am making a drastic change in the way in which I watch the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show this year.

No treadmill, no celery stick, and certainly no outwardly expressions of envy. Instead, it will be me, a large spoon and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. I’m forgoing the complaining attitude this year, and opting for something that’s really going to allow me to enjoy the fashion show and my night. There’s always room for regret the next morning.

It’s obvious that there’s no point in agonizing over the stick-thin figures, with top halves looking as if their “cup runneth over.”

It’s a quixotic figure for the average person, and there’s no sense in getting nitpicky about your own figure upon seeing theirs. Last year’s performer Katy Perry had no problem showing off her curves as a nice contrast to the tiny-framed figures of Miranda Kerr, Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio and Candice Swanepoel.

Unfortunately, no curvy women will be performing at the show this year (I was really pulling for Beyoncé). In fact, there will be no women performers at all. Cee Lo Green, Maroon 5 and Kanye West will take on the runway as the night’s musical guests. The famous “Fantasy Treasure Bra” will debut on supermodel (and new mommy!) Miranda Kerr. Covered in Swarovski Elements crystals, its price—a whopping $2.5 million—is going to give viewers a run for their money. I’m expecting an “Occupy Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show” protest to occur with the embellished lingerie’s presence.

As the many Kate Moss look-alikes strut their heel-cladded feet down the catwalk, feathered wings in tow, I’ll be more mesmerized by their ability to walk in four-inch heels than their six-packs. I’ll be happy upon the show’s conclusion and my last bite of ice cream, because there’s always time for working out the next day, but only one occasion each year to watch half-naked supermodels while indulging in ice cream and feeling 100 percent confident in your own skin.