Intersection idiots

April 14th, 2011

University Heights may have beautiful homes, but it has ugly intersections.

If you drive around the city you will notice that there are quite a few four-way stops, some five-way, six-way and even seven-way intersections. There should be a chapter about University Heights roads in the Kama Sutra.

My problem isn’t the excessive amount of roads that run into each other, but rather the way drivers handle such an obstacle. You would assume that my problem is with people pulling up, doing a rolling stop, and continuing through while blasting Twisted Sister’s “We’re Not Gonna Take It.”

On the contrary, those drivers don’t annoy me because even though they are rushing through dangerously they are at least keeping traffic moving.

I’m more concerned with the drivers that pull up to a stop sign and sit there. And sit there. And sit there while listening to their John Mayer album.

The way that a giant intersection works is a lot like a deli or the DMV. You pull up, take a number and wait for your number to get called. University Heights drivers must be numerically illiterate though because they struggle to follow the system.

I can’t count how many times I’ve been stopped at an intersection waiting for someone to take their turn as they sat there motionless like a deer in the headlights. Other cars pull up and come to complete stops before me, but then they sit there and wait for someone to make the first move.

It’s like an awkward first date.

So I’m forced to either wave them forward or prematurely cross the intersection. I’m just another driver on the road, I shouldn’t have to serve double duty as a traffic cop because nobody else can make a decision.

I’m guessing they have never played Mario Kart 64.

It’s like every other driver has a half-finished text waiting in their drafts folder that they decide it’s finally time to finish up and send once they get to that intersection. First of all, you shouldn’t text and drive. Second of all, if you’re going to text and drive then make sure you don’t slow down my trip to Boston Market.

Either that or they’re enamored by all of the beautiful homes.

In any case, this epidemic needs to stop. Please, drivers, pay attention and cross intersections when it’s your turn. The rest of us don’t have time for you to be so indecisive.