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Be who you are

March 31st, 2011

I have one last semester in college, where I’ll be spending my time enjoying four day weekends and three day weeks. Taking 21 credits this semester, I barely remember what it feels like to have time for myself. Between internships, interviews and an indescribably lousy ex-boyfriend, I’m ready to enjoy a new-found freedom.

People tell you college goes by in a blink of an eye, but it’s a cliché I ignored until I decided to actually blink. There’s nothing that compares to freshman year, as you come in as a naïve teenager and leave either one of two ways: 1) even more naïve than when you came in, or 2) you’ve found the person that you want to be.

I can tell you now, nothing will ever compare to second semester freshman year. I lived in Sutowski with one of the most fun and lively people I have ever met, and had a boyfriend at the time that I was completely head over heels for. We were a giant family that loved each other unconditionally.

Even then, I don’t think I really knew who I was or what I wanted. I gave up so many of my beliefs and feelings to stay in a relationship that I knew wasn’t healthy. I ate food galore and pretended that the scale didn’t actually say what it did say. In reality, I’m pretty sure I had a case of denials.

Come sophomore year, time became a bit scarcer for all of us. We were all experiencing college first hand together, and things altered. I was beginning to feel uneasy with myself, because I wasn’t quite sure who that self was. I saw others changing around me, and I was trying to avoid that sinkhole.

This is it, only weeks before senior year. Overall, I’ve learned a lot in college. We’re all finding ourselves, whether we’re making positive or negative choices along the way. And that’s exactly it, they’re our own choices. I’m not perfect, nor do I pretend to be in anyway, but I do know that I like who I’m becoming, and I’m going to continue on this positive path.

Fact of the matter is, people change in college, and usually it tends to be a forever change. Of the people I’ve met, I’ve realized some are driven, some are not. Others care only about themselves and stomp on your feelings as if they’re nonexistent. Then there are some who find who they are and don’t let go of that vision, and have a backbone so strong that no one can convince them otherwise.

I see my life as a giant timeline. All I can see is 21 years and everything prior, not even a few hours ahead of the present time. When things get hard and I want to give up, I just envision God telling me, “Hold in there, Claire,” because He can see my entire timeline.

So, don’t ever give up on who you are, and don’t let anyone else define who you are. Have faith in God, have faith in yourself and don’t be afraid of what anyone thinks; because in the end, what matters is what you think of yourself. Don’t look back on college with regret, but with a sense of realization and contentment. Before you blink, just remember to be true to yourself, and life will be something glorious. Hebrews 11:1 reads, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”