Do you ever ask yourself “If I had to be any key on the keyboard, which one would I be?”
Yeah, me neither.
I think I’m going to take this week’s opportunity to discuss something that should be emphasized from freshman orientation through commencement. No, not proper meal swipe management (although, that is also very important). I speak of something much more important to your well being and future happiness, a bucketlist. A bucketlist for college.
People make these things called bucket lists all the time. It’s a list of things you want to do before you “kick the bucket.” I decided to make a list of all things JCU-related that I wanted to do before I get my degree, so I’m calling it a commencementlist.
Now the first key to making a commencementlist is to make it very concrete. I’m talking more concrete than the roads of University Heights. It’s hard to cross off goals that aren’t specific. For example, you don’t want to write down “make my memories of senior week as close to a highlight reel of Jersey Shore as possible.” Not that it isn’t a great goal, it’s just going to be really difficult to judge the success rate on that one.
The other important thing is that everything on the list is something that you have to go out of your way to do. Taking three philosophy classes isn’t appropriate for a commencementlist, you were going to do that anyway. I’m talking about ordering a pizza before class and having the delivery guy bring it to you … while you’re in class. You know, something that you’re going to tell your grandkids about.
Some of the things on my commencementlist include the aforementioned goal of having a pizza delivered during a class, having a theme party based on The Lonely Island’s song “I’m on a Boat,” and playing pickup basketball with Phil Metres.
I plan on going the entire month of April without bringing a backpack to class. Just a binder with my homework assignments in it. No other school supplies, literally just the binder with the homework.
I also want to make a YouTube video that gets over a million hits. I’ve got some ideas, but timing has been the issue. Luckily though by printing it here that means I have to find a way to get it done by May and failure is not an option.
I’d be pretty upset with myself if I graduated without performing standup comedy at JCU, so consider that on the list. I don’t care how or where, I just care that it gets crossed off.
If you think I’m sitting here just trying to come up with the most absurd things possible to make you laugh, you’re half right. I am trying really hard to think of awesome, absurd things to put on this list, but I also really plan on doing all of these things. I don’t print it unless it’s true. Honesty and transparency are kind of my things. Well, those and jokes. Jokes should definitely be in the top three somewhere.
The last thing on my commencementlist is to get a book deal with Follett (you know, the people who rip you off on textbooks every semester) to release my compilation of columns, “That’s what See said: Never swallow the pride.” For the enquiring minds, yes that title contains a multi-entendre, and it’s last because I still have a few more chapters to add to it.
I’ll be doing signings in the atrium from 1-3 p.m. all through senior week. Someone’s going to need to bring me a Sharpie though since I no longer have school supplies.