An apology is in order

February 24th, 2011

Dear Carroll News,

I would like to make a correction to the otherwise brilliantly written White Stripes eulogy of newly-appointed music critic Noah Lamprecht. It is primarily an issue of simple semantics, but nonetheless should be clarified.

I must first preface the correction by stating that for someone that claims to be “eternally proud” of the album “Elephant”—of which I am as well—it is very surprising that he would overlook that anytime the number three appears on the album jacket it is highlighted in red, and that even the E’s that appear in the title of the aforementioned album are made to look more like the number three.

Now the correction is that in the sixth proper paragraph of Mr. Lamprecht’s eulogy he only lists the colors red and white as being obsessions of the band; he neglects to include the color black.

In the film “Under Great White Northern Lights,” Jack White addresses the obsessive qualities of the band as they pertain to the aesthetic and musical aspects of the White Stripes. This obsession is rooted in the number three. The music is limited to three parts always.

Meg and Jack purposefully only ever have a combination of vocals, guitar or piano, and drums playing at any given time for this reason.

For the same reason the aesthetic aspect of the band has only three colors: red, white and black. It actually creates an interesting paradox, a duo that has an obsession with the number three.

This correction may seem petty and ridiculous, especially because I am concerned only with a single sentence in an otherwise very well written eulogy, but this lack of attention to minute detail shows a lack of journalistic integrity on the part of Mr. Lamprecht.

In reparation for this offense I would like to request, or rather demand from Mr. Lamprecht an obnoxiously eloquent letter of apology, one in which tear stains cover the page to show the sincerity of said apology.


L. Donovan Powers