Allow myself to revisit … myself

February 10th, 2011

My column last week was self-admittedly weak. I waited too close to deadline to start/finish it, and I apologize for not giving you something more worthwhile/coherent to read.

To make up for that I decided I would go with something sure to please: sequels. That’s right, I’m going to revisit and expand on some old classics.

Deadlines are good in that they help keep things moving and make sure they get done on time, but they also stifle creativity. Some ideas catch a second wind, and that’s what this column is for. Sometimes on Thursdays I read what I wrote and get another idea that I should have put in, but it’s too late.

I need some closure, so this one’s for all the missed opportunities.

First up is the Bobtionary, this is where I made up words and defined them. I’ve got seven new words.

Cristal Lite, noun. Crystal Light powder packets mixed with alcoholic beverages making it taste fruity and look classy. (I can hear the female residents of Murphy scheming already.)

Disnomer, noun. An insulting, inaccurate nickname.

Infinagon, noun. A shape with infinite sides.

Mansform, verb. To go through male puberty.

Manual-Tune, noun. Imitating Auto-Tune effects using your regular voice.

Threequel, adj. A third part to a series; a sequel to a sequel.

WellFair, noun. An abbreviated way of saying the Wellness Fair, which gives out a bunch of stuff to students for free.

Another topic I’ve been meaning to go back and touch on is story topping. Basically a “story topper” is someone who always finds a way to belittle your accomplishments by telling you a story about something they did that was bigger and better.

When someone tries to story top me I just tell them I once took both first and second place in the same spelling bee and have my own dictionary named after me. They look like they just saw an infinagon.

I’ve already done a sequel to my “Ballin’ on a Budget” column, but I feel compelled to do a threequel. Basically the first one explained how to get by in college without spending much money, the sequel just admitted financial defeat before graduation and suggested you spend it if you got it.

The third installment is heavily influenced by my current thoughts on finances which stem mostly from living off campus, paying rent, Internet and cable, and buying my own food. In short: learn to like Ramen noodles and Natty Light.

The first time I ever wrote for The CN I tried to predict who the opening act for the Spring Concert would be, so I figured I could try the headlining act this year. Rumors are swirling about Kid Cudi, Wiz Khalifa, and even a mansformed Justin Bieber.

But none of those are accurate.

I have it on good authority (let’s just say that a little Jesuit birdy named Robert told me) that JCU is truly “ballin’ on a budget” and has brought in BedRoc as the Spring Concert performer.

Naturally, Rhapsody Blue will be the opening act.

That’s all the knowledge I have to impart upon you this week. If you need anything else, I’ll be at McDonald’s trying to figure out what I’m going to do with my life next year.