Premature jollification

November 18th, 2010

Well, it’s Nov. 18, so I’d like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a Happy Easter. It’s true, Easter is five months away. But every time I walk into a Target, it seems like the holidays just keep coming sooner and sooner.

It has gotten to the point that decorations for the next holiday are on the shelves before the upcoming day of recognition has passed.

This year, I bought my Halloween decorations in early September. Now, with Thanksgiving still a week away, I can already purchase all of my Christmas decorations. This is brilliant marketing by the stores. Between the beginning of September and Oct. 31, every time I walked into a Target with the intention of buying a single box of Pop-Tarts, I left with 275 pieces of candy, something creepy-themed, and ultimately a 3-foot glittery orange skeleton (and no Pop-Tarts). This ended up costing me 60 dollars of money that I don’t have all because the ploys of consumerism reeled me in. Hook, line and sinker.

 And now, this marketing trend has poured onto the most sacred season of all – Christmas. This is where I have to draw the line. Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, and I am not going to sacrifice it to the money-mongering stores. That’s why we need to preserve the spirit and keep the green and red off the shelves until after Thanksgiving.

I understand that Thanksgiving decorations are not exactly a fiscal windfall for most stores, but that does not mean that they should use Christmas to fill that void. This could lead to premature jollification and when Christmas finally does come, your silver bells might be more like blue bells; when that happens, no one is very merry.

Fortunately, pop culture has already set the parameters for the length of this season. Shopping shall commence no sooner than Black Friday. Nothing screams “Happy Holidays” louder than a million people trampling each other at 4 a.m. the day after giving thanks for togetherness in order to get the newest Xbox. If we start the shopping sooner than Thanksgiving, the thrill of the sales will disappear.

Furthermore, there shall be no more than 12 days of Christmas. These should be the happiest 12 days of the year, and stretching the season just ruins the spirit. Plus, nothing beats 12 lords a leaping, so we just shouldn’t try.

Just like Rudolph, though, I can save Christmas if you hop on my sleigh and follow my lead. We must boycott the yuletide jubilation until after Thanksgiving. This means no mention of anything jolly – the words reindeer, stockings, ho ho ho, etc. should not cross your lips until Turkey Day has passed. Don’t buy gifts. Don’t carol. No chestnuts. And most importantly, remember that no one appreciates premature jollification.