I can’t believe this is my last piece of work for the award-winning Carroll News. I’ve seen seniors move on and think two things to myself. My first thought was, “He was kind of a d-bag” and my other one was, “Wow. It really does go by that fast.”
This is usually a senior’s chance to give his or her parting advice. A lot of times it’s that same old song: “Go out there, be the best you can be, never let anyone tell you that you can’t, and blah blah blah!”
My parting words will be lighting the torch of knowledge that comes with having been in college and mistaken my way to the end. Oh, and none of this is learned in the classroom.
Spend money. Just get rid of it. So many people will be telling you that you should save it and portion it and budget it, and that’s great. Great, but no fun. Look, it’s college – you’re either going to be broke, or you’re going to be REALLY broke. There’s no difference between saving your stupid $6 or spending it. Sometimes you just need wings from Pizzazz.
Don’t date anyone. That stage of, “We’re talking” is the magical one, so why leave it? Just do that for as long as it lasts. I’ve done some dating throughout the years, so why listen to me? Picture the doctor telling you not to smoke. Now picture the ex-smoker with a chronic cough and a voice box telling you not to smoke. That’s me. By all means play the game, go for the girl, try your best to make it work, just please don’t define it. Girls, guys will definitely disappoint you. Guys, no one wants to “check-in” every single night, especially when you’re just trying to bro out with your friends. And this I promise you – all girlfriends across America will get drunk. And they will cry.
Skip classes every once in a while, but don’t go crazy. You should never have a perfect attendance record. If you do, you’re here for the wrong reasons. An education? Please. Sometimes you just need to break the cycle. Also, sometimes you need to go work on something that’s due in an hour and a class gets in the way of you finishing that. Don’t feel guilty not going to that class. With that said, do what you have to do to at least get a B. Bring a notebook.
Be friends with smart people and underclassmen. These people can do things for you that you seem to forget. Smart people always know when things are due, and underclassmen have plenty of meal swipes. Also, when you’re skipping the class from the paragraph above, you can hang in their dorm room. Plus, it’s much better than being friends with stupid people.
Everybody – hang on to your old papers and tests. Teamwork makes the dream work!
Don’t ever drink and drive, or get someone pregnant. All other problems will go away.
Wear cleats to intramurals. That also includes ankle braces, sunglasses, compression shorts, knee pads, etc. Guys, wear a cup. You need to do anything you can to get that athletic edge. Contrary to popular belief, intramural sports are very serious and very competitive, and it’s very important that you win at all costs. And win BIG.
What else? Drink coffee, have a big friend that doesn’t mind fighting, go for a walk, cheat if you have to (don’t get caught), never get less than 12 hours of sleep, steer clear of guys who carry a knife, look teachers in the eye, lift a lot of weights, don’t always buy the textbook, and on and on. Reader believe me, I can write a book. But that’s all you’re getting right now.
Kidding aside, I’d just like to thank everyone who has ever read The Carroll News. It takes a lot of work to get a paper out, but seeing people reading them makes it all worth it. We do it for you, and when you read the paper it brings a new level of gratification and accomplishment. Thank you. I’ll be forever grateful.
