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Quiet in the library

May 6th, 2010

I wonder if at upcoming academic committee meetings for next year, suggestions will be entertained about serving alcohol in the school library. You know, a typical bar set up to be squeezed in right next to the expresso counter where students can slam shots and have specially-designed mugs filled to the brim with frosty goodness.

Because that seems to be the direction that things are going. In my time at Carroll, I’ve witnessed the library morph from an academic environment where students retreat to get work done to a rowdy, social hangout. The building bearing the name “Grasselli” has become a replacement for the now-vanquished Quinn’s, a stay-at-home Coventry.

If I’ve accomplished nothing in my generous time spent in Carroll’s scholastic quarters, I’d like for this little ditty to stand as a monument to my memory; my epitaph if you will. Inscribed here is the following message to all library-lopers and frequenters: SHUT UP.

The computer commons isn’t intended as a recreational area where you can catch up with your “bros,” or a dorm annex where you can relive all of the weekend’s hysterics. A person trying to get in the right frame of mind for a research paper doesn’t appreciate you shouting your fantasy football stats across the room, or enjoy watching you prove how ingratiated you are in John Carroll’s social stratosphere. I cringe whenever I recall one particularly painful episode, when some vapid, giggling hyena prattled off every single ingredient to a killer-new fruit juice she was just “dying” to try.

That provides me with a convenient segue into another point whose addressing has been long overdue: cell phones. I understand that the world would implode if we were to all relinquish our precious cell phone contacts. However, that doesn’t mean chatting away while sitting amongst others at a computer station. If you feel that it’s absolutely dire that you make a call or answer one, show some respect for others by doing it elsewhere.

Adjoined to the computer area sit people whose job it is to apparently oversee and assist when possible. I guess maintaining SILENCE, the cardinal rule of the library, was left off of their job description. Would it be too much to ask that they approach their duties with a bit more reverence by attempting to regulate the noise volume?

I’m not trying to kill fun, or appoint myself as the leader of the next prominent tyrannical regime; I’m the heir to Good Times, Inc. I relish engaging everybody in any type of discussion. Ask me to have a beer with you, and I’ll hesitate only long enough to retrieve my bong (or any other instrument that makes the drinking experience that much more enjoyable.) I too love catching up with friends and acquaintances. However, as the saying goes, there’s a time for everything.

With finals approaching, this advice couldn’t be more timely or appropriate. Heed it, please. And for those returning in the fall, remember it. Above all, thank you for reading.