HELLO, My name is… Brian

April 29th, 2010

Greetings, John Carroll readers! I hope you’re as excited to read this column as I am to write it.  

When I first heard I would hold this sacred position in the award-winning Carroll News, I was ecstatic. 

My first order of business as Op/Ed guy is to thank everyone who … well, just plain everyone. I would like to pay a special tribute to those who have had this column in semesters gone by: the eccentric Lena Chapin, Craig Willert, and, of course, Bob Seeholzer.  

I also want to thank God, because let’s face it — we’re a Jesuit university, so I’m sure He had something to do with it. 

If I didn’t thank you specifically, chances are I’ve hidden your name somewhere in my article. If you can figure out the cipher, then you will get the gratitude you think you deserve. 

My next order of business is to let everyone know who I am. I know what you’re thinking — Brian, I think I will figure out who you are just reading your column every week. True.  But let me at least give you some starters.

We’ll start at the beginning. I was born seven miles up the road at Hillcrest Hospital. I almost died at birth, but I’m a fighter. That’s just who I am.  

I lived in Cleveland until I was two, but my house was allegedly haunted, so I guess that’s why we moved to Pittsburgh.  Plus my family lives there.

So why did I move back to Cleveland? Simple. I know my roots. This city is home to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Drew Carey (you decide if that’s a plus or minus), the house from “A Christmas Story” and, of course, the award-winning Carroll News.

By default, I support the Steelers and Penguins (yeah, I’m one of those). To all the haters, win a championship, then we’ll talk.  

But don’t worry, Cleveland fans, I know how it feels to root for the losing team.  Remember the Pirates? Well, they are Pittsburgh’s prodigal son, and someday perhaps they will come back with the Browns and the Indians to usher in a new era of sports. 

Now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, let me get back to a more bipartisan topic: politics. I think of myself as a Republicrat or a Democan, whichever you prefer.  In laymen’s terms, I’m a moderate with a good eye for what’s right.  Support your side with intelligent information, and I’ll probably vote in your favor.

Finally, let me draw your attention to my most defining characteristic. If you noticed, this column is called The Bayer Necessities. And of course, it’s how a Bayer can rest at ease. 

That’s right, I’m a Disney kid at heart. Whatever you think that means, you’re probably right. I wish upon  stars, and I like to make tomorrow a better place today.  

Chances are good that I want to be your friend, and I hope you want to be mine. 

If you see me around campus and want a good conversation-starter, here are some suggestions:

Music – I love music. My favorite period is Baroque. And as I always say, if it’s not baroque, why fix it?

I also like running, so if you see a group of short-shorted guys running around campus, make sure to wave.

If you haven’t realized yet, I’m your stereotypical nerd. In high school I was an orcha-dork, and not much has changed. Nevertheless, I hope you’ll learn to love this quick-witted and lively Teddy Bayer.

But for now, if there’s anything else you want to know, you’ll just have to keep reading my columns!