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You didn’t ask, but I’m gonna tell you

February 11th, 2010

It’s not often that I’ll disagree with the award-winning Carroll News, but I have no choice in this circumstance. The “power couples” spread in this issue was incomplete because it was missing the most powerful couple on campus: Robert F. Seeholzer and Jeffrey A. Sigmund.

Jeff and I are unquestionably the number one power couple at JCU. I know what you’re thinking:“If you two are such a great power couple then why isn’t it Facebook official?” I would answer that question by first stating that you’re a hater, then tell you that you’re splitting hairs, and finally, explaining that we don’t have the kind of relationship Facebook is referring to.

Nonetheless, we’re a power couple, and a damn powerful one at that.

You really need to look no further than the Editorial section of this very issue of The CN. Ignore the other places where our names appear for our multitude of important duties in the production of this award-winning newspaper and look at that part at the bottom where it says “diversions editors.” Yeah, that’s us. We find the sudoku every week. We giveth, and, when we feel like it, we taketh away.

The award-winning Carroll News isn’t the only medium we’ve made our mark in, though.

Last spring we co-hosted a radio show on WJCU’s “The Heights” during which we made many musical discoveries, the most important of which was Bruce Springsteen’s “Working on a Dream.” We played that song every single week, sometimes twice during our 90-minute set. We did for that song what T-Pain did for Auto-Tune and Apple Bottoms jeans … combined.

I never saw the ratings for our slot, but I’m willing to bet my CN salary that we brought in the most listeners in the history of the station. At the very least we topped Jumpin’ Joe Madigan’s numbers.

We were featured in multiple campus-wide e-mails last week for our karaoke performance in The Underground, where we proved that we are the greatest entertainers the University has to offer. If you’ve never seen us put on a show, then add that to your JCU bucketlist. Seriously, we’re that good.

I’m not sure how many of you are familiar with the athletic jerseys sported by JCU’s varsity teams, but those of you “in the know” are aware that the flyest jerseys worn by any Blue Streaks are the men’s cross country team’s uniforms. Who has four thumbs and designed those? These guys.

If the two of us decided to transfer to another university, particularly an OAC rival, the Rev. Niehoff would have more to worry about than a halftime show. Luckily for all of you, we should both be here for at least two and a half more semesters.

If you haven’t been convinced yet that we are in fact, the single most defining pair of names at this university other than John and Carroll, then do me this favor: search “I Wanna Be Rich” by Calloway on YouTube.

Bob and Jeff, improving lives, one one-hit wonder at a time.

That’s just one more gift Jeff and I wanted to give to the JCU community. You’re all welcome.