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Don’t let V-day become D-day

February 11th, 2010

Against Editor in Chief Katie Sheridan’s better judgement, we’re back.

With this Sunday being Valentine’s Day, we thought it was time to once again kick some knowledge into your heads. For those of you spending your first V-Day with your significant other, we’ve got some words of wisdom.

Need to know what to say or where to go? Don’t know what to buy? We’ve got you covered like Tracy Porter.

First thing’s first, acquiring the Valentine.

Our recommendation is to look through past issues of the award-winning Carroll News and try out the “Pick-up Line of the Week.”

Or look up archived issues containing JCU Power Couples, find the ones who have since then broken up and attempt to make it into next year’s addition by getting with them.

Once you’ve got your special someone, it’s time to pick a special place.

Expensive restaurants that require reservations might seem like a good idea, but if your Valentine is a keeper, then they’ll be satisfied with a Happy Meal (the toy can count as a gift). Boom. Dollar Menu payer.

V-Day is a holiday comparable to a forgotten anniversary or the fifth consecutive year that she turned 29. That means gifts are expected.

Nothing says “I love you” more than a year’s membership to a gym. It also says, “You can stand to lose a few pounds.” Honesty is the foundation of any strong relationship.

In grade school, a common way we acquired the money to buy gifts for our significant ladies was to sneak a few bucks out of mom and dad’s wallets. Ergo, “borrow” some money from your Valentine and use it to buy them a gift. It’s a win-win because not only do they get a gift, but they get their money back too.

You may have heard that doing things such as opening doors and pulling out her chair for her is a good idea; however, much like hesitation, it is just a sign of weakness.

Women want to know that you’re confident in their ability to fend for themselves. Although we wear the pants in the relationship, we won’t always be there for them because we’ll probably be off doing sweet man stuff. So they need to learn how to open their own doors and pull out their own chairs.

Women also love when men are decisive and take the initiative. So pick the restaurant, order for her without consulting her and have her cut your 16 oz. filet mignon steak for you. Why? Because women can be indecisive (i.e. Anne Heche).

Most likely the woman will screw up Valentine’s Day, get mad and then slap all of the blame on your innocent, scruffy cheek. Take the higher road, avoid insults and use pet names. When she’s acting like a less-than-tasty cereal, just say, “Aw, but Honey Bunches of Oats (insert on-the-spot fabricated compliment).”

We’ve given you all the tools, but you have to build the birdhouse. Trust us, as two guys who watched a YouTube video of a guy building a birdhouse, we know what we’re talking about.