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Lookin’ like a fool with your pants on the ground

January 28th, 2010

I don’t know exactly what happened to the world since the end of last semester, but it seems everyone lost their moral compass and decided it would be cool to walk around with their pants around their ankles. From television, to professional sports, to those who don’t have belts, nobody was safe from being caught with their pants down, and, thanks to Gen. Larry Platt’s memorable appearance on “American Idol,” we were all made aware of this epidemic.

NBC decided that contracts are as much of a joke as their ratings, and are ousting Conan O’Brien from “The Tonight Show” and giving it back to Jay Leno. This is largely due to the fact that Leno’s 10 p.m. show ratings were about as impressive as the number of people who turn in the answers to The CN’s sudoku (which on any given week can be less than one).

Larry Platt would not approve.

Some people I know say I’m a hypocrite because I’m against NBC’s decision to switch back to Leno. They ask me, “Doesn’t a story about one guy holding a timeslot for a significant period of time and then handing it over for roughly seven months before taking it back from his successor sound familiar to you?”

I don’t know if my friends are implying that the columnist who held this real estate for the last 13 issues, Max Flessner, is the Conan to my Leno, but I do know that if any of you try to call me “The Chin” I’ll punch you in the jeans.

While “The Tonight Show” fiasco isn’t all that important in the grand scheme of things, an NBA player keeping guns in his team’s locker room is Ron Burgundy status – it’s kind of a big deal.

It pains me to see Washington Wizards’ star Gilbert Arenas, the man who infamously described one of his buzzer-beating, game-winning three-pointers by saying “My swag was phenomenal,” do something this dumb.

If you’re unfamiliar with his situation, Arenas brought a few unloaded guns into his team’s locker room and, in an argument with one of his teammates over a gambling debt, suggested that he would use one of his guns to resolve it.

After an equally-violent retort from his teammate, Arenas left several guns in front of his teammate’s locker with a note that said “pick one.”

Again, Larry Platt would not approve.

Usually I support not taking things seriously, goofing off at inappropriate times, and showing a lack of appreciation for authority, but when Arenas pointed his fingers at teammates as mock guns during the pregame warm-ups in Philadelphia, even I couldn’t justify trying to defend him anymore. He has since been suspended for that incident.

I’ve gone through a similar situation here in the newsroom when arguing over the editing of a certain piece (that may or may not have had my name and picture attached to it) with Editor in Chief Katie Sheridan. We were debating over the use of several choice words and when it came time for her to check over the page I took four red pens and left them on her desk then wrote “pick one” on a Post-It note.

Larry Platt might approve.

Luckily for me, there aren’t any laws against bringing writing instruments into the newsroom, otherwise I’d probably have been suspended and replaced by Leno or Flessner.