A guide to handling springtime at JCU

April 2nd, 2009

The weather is starting to break into a fine spring, and here’s what is going to happen. People who live in Cleveland, Buffalo, Pittsburgh, Chicago or any other feeder city to John Carroll are not going to know how to respond. Let me enlighten you all on the subject.

With my several years of experience at this institution, I am able to see the problems we face with having nice weather after the horrible winters, and with that knowledge I can shed light on how to avoid such problems.

The first problem is people who jump the gun. For all of you sorority-hopping blondes, and the guys who wear really tight shirts that want to get their cell phone numbers, don’t lay out. It’s about 55 or 65 degrees and it is Northeast Ohio. I’m telling you right now, plain and simple, it’s not that nice yet. You will not get “color.” Shame on you for thinking that you can do so in Cleveland in March and April – you signed up for this when you enrolled at JCU. For now put your blanket and really cool shades away.

Moving on.

Look, teachers reading this, you really need to lighten up on the workload this time of year. I’m going to level with you – we took your class because we’re trying to eke by with a decent GPA, not because we’re truly enthused about chlorophyll or whatever. I came down with a pretty serious case of senioritis my last year of high school, and to this day, in my junior year of college, I still haven’t been cured.

As for the final, it would be great if you posted detailed study guides on Blackboard. Please don’t get me wrong, you’re all doing a wonderful job. I’m just being honest with you – I blame the sunshine.

I do have a few pointers for students as far as springtime budgeting. First of all, teachers usually allot a certain amount of sick days, or unexcused absences, for the semester. If you haven’t used them yet, use them. These are very valuable and cannot be wasted. But use your time wisely–hang out with your friends. When summer rolls around everyone goes their separate ways, so spend some time with the important  people in your life. (Just don’t skip class to lay out.)

Also, if you budget your money for the course of the entire year and you have a surplus, blow it. In style, no less. Your summer job will soften the blow on your wallet, so the decision seems pretty easy.

I’m probably getting carried away and looking a little too far into the future, but since we’re talking about important spring knowledge, don’t forget that you get money when you sell your books back to the bookstore. This is found money – it’s money that grows off of trees, basically. No one ever “plans” on that money. It’s like the $5 you found in your old jeans, only a whole lot more. I suggest donating it to establishments on Coventry Road.

This is sage advice. Don’t get caught watching the paint dry. This is a crucial time of the year and if treated with the respect it deserves, we can all come out on top.