No love for “New York”

March 29th, 2007

I do not love New York.

Don’t get me wrong –– I love the beautiful state of New York.

Especially my hometown of Albany. I love The New York Yankees, apple picking, I-90 and upstate NY’s incredibly close proximity to Massachusetts and Vermont.

Unfortunately, there is one New York I do not love and that happens to be the television show on VH1 dubbed, “I Love New York.”

Now, if you haven’t seen this hideous excuse for entertainment before, please do not watch it this week. The season finale is on soon and I’m sure there will be about a million reruns. Instead, watch an episode of “SpongeBob SquarePants” or reruns of “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.”

Basically, here’s what goes down –

“New York” was originally on the TV show “Flavor of Love,” which was almost as repulsive as her current show. Actually she somehow made it onto two seasons of that show. She was not chosen to be Flava Flav’s ladylove either time.

I’m not going to lie, I don’t blame him, she is one crazy lady.

After “Flavor of Love” was finished, which was two seasons too long, “I Love New York” began.

I’m going to be blatantly honest with you, I have never, ever been so repulsed by a TV show in my entire life.

If you know me, you also know that I don’t really “hate” many things. I’m not one to judge, but watching “I Love New York” made me feel like I wanted to run to church and pray for an extended period of time.

I have never had the opportunity to meet “New York” in person. (I’m not really sure if I ever want to.) So I have some hope left in me that she is just putting on an act for the cameras.

Her scandalous outfits, raunchy language and much less than moral behavior are absolutely ridiculous. There is absolutely no reason for the show to be broadcast, ever.

I would literally be embarrassed for New York if my parents ever happened to watch an episode, and I am even more embarrassed for her mother, who has to watch every move her daughter makes.

I’m not sure about everyone else, but I would rather not see “New York” in any more way-too-tight dresses. (She should try a nice pair of jeans and a hoodie.)
I would rather not see her mother (who kind of looks like Omarosa) pay off any more men to leave the show.

I would definitely not like to see what goes on after “New York” decides to bring one of her boyfriends up to her room.

I’m not really sure how “New York” emotionally and mentally handles having more than one boyfriend at a time. One boyfriend is sufficient.

At the end of each show she chooses which men will receive a “chain” that is bedazzled with the show’s title. She asks each man, “Do you have love for ‘New York’?”

Without fail, each one of them says yes.

I don’t know about you but I am confident that if I were involved with a show like “I Love New York,” I would have some sort of serious breakdown.

So if you’re flipping through the channels and hear the words “I Love New York,” just think, “Yes, I do love New York, New York State that is.”