For all of you who plan to have a great time this spring break sun bathing on the beach while sipping on your pretty drinks, I bid you adieu.
For those of you who have to stay in the tundra with gray drenched skies known as Cleveland I console you and say I will be here with you –– fighting the bitter cold and kicking myself for not planning my spring break more accordingly.
But I am not going to let my lack of organizational skills get me down. I am embracing the winter wonderland that I call home.
You can do it to if you follow a few simple steps to a better Spring Break in Cleveland.
One thing that is a staple for any spring break vacation is a great tan. You need to take advantage of the fact that the sun still shines during the winter.
Wait for a sunny day. Buy a space heater and locate an outdoor outlet. Get into your favorite two-piece or shorts or even nude if you want full coverage (just make sure you have high fences around your yard) and lay out.
Try not to think of the fact that it is forty degrees outside and take in the beautiful scenery. The beautiful trees covered in snow, the clear winter sky and your neighbors calling the ambulance after you have stopped moving and your extremities have turned blue. Oh and don’t forget some kind of sun tanning lotion. The sun can still be damaging in the winter.
The next thing you want to do now that you have a great tan and possibly some frost bite (which is a trade off) is creating your own paradise. Get some palm trees from your local Wal-Mart, tiki lights and hop in your hot tub.
If you don’t have a hot tub find your closest neighbor with one and hop right in. If they are surprised by your presence invite them to come in, after all it is their hot tub.
If they still protest, explain to them that while trying to get a tan you got hypothermia and needed to heat your body. If they don’t let you save your life in their hot tub you will have them charged for not following the Good Samaritan law. Which, of course, entitles them to do everything they can to save you.
With every spring break trip comes a great spring break party. Corona and Margarita buckets are the only way to go in this situation. Then, prepare to lean back in the hot tub put up your feet if you can still feel them and take a sip of your pretty drink. You have accomplished the unthinkable, having a great Spring Break in Cleveland.